What to do when you’re feeling empty inside
This post is part of a series and I recommend you read both:
Before I can explain how I recovered from feeling empty, let me explain WHY people feel empty. I want to explain how we get hurt and how we get healed.
The cycle of hurt and healing
Getting hurt and finding healing looks basically like this:
- Hurt comes from a lack of love (abuse, rejection, lack of care or nurture etc.)
- The restoration of love is what heals us
- But for a very hurt person to find healthy love can be very hard, so the initial source of love must be from ourselves!
How we get hurt
We get hurt in our lives. Hurt comes from a lack of love – quite often as we are growing up. A lack of love can come in many different forms such as sexual abuse or rejection or having family that doesn’t nurture us. This forms a scar that can last for a lifetime. The scar feels like emptiness inside. Feeling empty inside is another way of saying that I feel alone or lost or like I don’t have the warmth of love inside.
The rest of this post explains all of this in much more detail with lots of biblical evidence.
God has a better plan – it won’t be like this forever
I have spent most of my life feeling SO empty inside that I had NO IDEA what the warmth of love is like. As I spend time here with my family in the UK, as I sit with them, I actually feel a warmth flow over me. It’s an unbelievable feeling. I don’t recognise it, but I know it is a very very good feeling. The day is brighter, the sun feels like it’s shining on me – just me! Everything just feels good.
Is this why Jesus commanded us to love one another? May be read my post on One anothering
How we recover from emptiness inside
If we became hurt because of a lack of love, then finding love from the people around us is how we will recover. It sounds easy, but it takes time and patience to do it. But it works. Oh it works so well!
Love can come to us in many ways. Love is respect, it is kindness, it is patience, it is all the fruits of the spirit. Now, it would be great if you could just go up to someone and say “please could you love me, I need love”. But in our society that doesn’t happen.
Do not underestimate our need for love
The thief (satan) comes to destroy, steal and kill (by warping society with abortion, divorce and emotional hurt) while Jesus came to teach us about love for one another and about God’s intense love for us.
It is well known that babies must be cuddled, otherwise they can die. In hospitals people are emplyed JUST to cuddle babies!
Emptiness and the burning feeling
Burning is a more intense feeling that emptiness for those who don’t know. The burning feeling inside sometimes felt so bad sometimes that it felt like molten lava flowing inside me. This is a very severe sign of a lack of love. I’m wriitng this so that if you feel this way, I want you to know that I KNOW how it feels, that you’re NOT alone… and most especially that you know that I got better and you will too. Jesus loves you. He died for you to be free from problems like this.He absolutely wants you to live an abundant life!
So… sometimes I would have this terrible burning feeling inside me. I felt so awful inside, I thought I was slowly dying. One day I felt this way while I was at church. I knew that I needed a “mommy type” to hug me just for a moment. I know some readers will know this feeling. I asked a really wonderfully caring lady for a hug and simply absorbed as much of her warmth as possible. Unfortunately her husband took that the wrong way (I guess?) and many years later he still has “issues” with me. His insecurity (also known as offense) stopped him from being able to take action to help the broken hearted (me!)
Another kind man once wanted to bring me into his family. I was overwhelmed by his offer. Just the fact that he recognised me as one of the fatherless generation (which God loves dearly!) and wanted to help me was a tremendous turning point in me for my life. I felt loveable. I felt like I mattered to someone. But unfortunately internal family politics probably sunk that idea right away. It never happened.
I’m not having a “dig” at anyone, I’m saying to anyone reading this that it’s difficult for people to change their ways and lives to help you. It’s not common in the church today – in my experience. I know God wants it to be the defining characteristic
By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves]. – Jn 13:35
He is working to turn His church into a loving and radiant bride. It will take time. So for now, you might have to find another way to get love into your life. I’ll describe (below)one of the alternatives you have – to love yourself in a healthy way.
Recovery – Jesus has a plan for your life!
So yes, it would be great to get love from people around us and in a church which is centered on love, this would be possible. But the church is not currently centered on His one command, it is centered on a lot of other theology.I’m going to be very honest with you about this one thing. It was very tough for people to love me. I was so used to being alone that I didn’t recognise their love, I didn’t know how to respond to it and I couldn’t respond back.
It is very hard to effectively love a very dysfunctional person, believe me. The person may have isolated themselves without even knowing it. They might also be offensive, because hurt people are the ones who hurt other people (hurt people hurt people).
But Jesus commanded us to love one another so we (the church) must learn to make the effort anyway. And it works! Love is very very healing!
And we must be like this (loving one another) as a community – that is what is called the church.
Jesus said the shepherd leaves the 99 sheep to go look for the 1 who got lost… Jesus loves the one… Jesus wants that 1 to be back in with the other sheep.
I don’t think that we can understand ourselves if we’re not in community with each other. That is the meaning of the word Ubuntu – I am because we are
The positive cycle that you can begin
If we could get some love into our lives, we’d recover and then we’d get a bit better, we could then find more love, more easily, then we’d recover a bit more… and so it goes. Getting better and better.
But if it’s hard for people to connect with us, and hard for us to connect with people at first… then where will your first source of love come from?
The bible says you must love yourself:
- Leviticus 19:18 (OLD Testament!)
“Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
- Matthew 19:19
Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “ - Matthew 22:39
A second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’
- Mark 12:31
The second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
- Luke 10:27
The man answered, ” `You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
- Romans 13:9
For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting–and any other commandment–are all summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Galatians 5:14
For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” - James 2:8
Yes indeed, it is good when you truly obey our Lord’s royal command found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
This is the very first place you can begin to find love. when you have begun to respect yourself, have good boundaries for yourself, when you get to know what you like and enjoy and DO those things – that’s when life get’s a whole lot easier.
At the same time we are to love God – and that makes sense because He is the source of the love, He is the source of all good things in this world! He is a God of love!
And we’re also asked to love others too. Love others as you love yourself. I have written extensively on those topics, but this post is focussing on the absolutely important need to love yourself. Not to “fall in love” with yourself, not to think you’re all that matters – but to have kindness for yourself.
Learn to play
For those who have the empty feeling inside, if you’re like I was, I couldn’t see the fun in life. I felt bad and ate (or did other things) to change my mood. Food and coffee (and other things) helped me feel better.
I did good things to change my mood too. I used to worship a LOT (I still do). I am sure that helped me become who I am, because God is a wonderful God and getting near to Him and staying near definitely helped me survive.
But He wants us to do more than survive. He is a good God!
Go to a zoo and look at the animals. The ones that are playing are healthy. The zoo keepers watch for animals who don’t play – they are sick. The same goes for children.The same goes for you and me.
What do you like doing? If you’re like I was… I couldn’t write a list, because I didn’t know myself. I had not learned to have fun and I had not explored my own personality.
Learn to go for a walk if that’s what you like doing. Avoid people who are mean or nasty to you. Have a bubble bath with with EXTRA bubbles… and candles and your fav music and play with the bubbles!
Ride a mountain bike. Plant some bulbs and watch them grow in spring. Find a good friend and talk to him/her. Paint your house. Save up for a n overseas trip. Have fun! What is it you like doing?
Avoid negative Christian messages
I had become trapped by the “deny yourself” teaching within the church. Avoid teaching like this. Just get up and leave. If you’re unable to make your own decisions because you have become trapped by “submission theology” where you MUST listen to the pastor, then wait until the end of the service and THEN leave. Either way, leave unhealthy Christian environments. And perhaps pray for them. God can heal those people too.
I used to pray to God that I was unworthy – I didn’t know that in fact He sees me as worthy! He loves me. Avoid prayers like this. Thank Him for His love for you.
I used to think I needed to “become less, so He could become more” as John the Baptist said. Until God said to me, “well in your case… you must become more” in a wry sense of humor. Since then I have learned that John the baptist was simply saying that his own reputation must decrease so Jesus’ leadership and reputation can increase. It’s not spiritual or emotional, it’s just a practical issue… like the bible always is!
These negative images of me, taught from the pulpit, would come with such force and authority that I’d often go into a spiral that would burn inside me for 3-4 days. Only prayer and worship would restore me to a sense of God’s value of me.
So now my prayer is:
“Lord, I want to value myself as You value me.
Lord I want to have self-esteem as you esteem me”.
The thing is, God values you. God esteems you. He loves you! Would you suffer and die for someone you didn’t love? No way!
Find a church that sees the best in you, listen to teaching which tells you that God loves you. You will love Him back and then He will use you! That’s how it works!
Can I just wait for God to heal me?
No, being passive and waiting for healing usually doesn’t work. Why? Because although Jesus is Lord, but what the church must learn is that He works through people. He CAN heal by Himself, but He is trying to work with people to build a radiant church. The radiance is God’s love being shown through us and our lives.
Get started today on your abundant life
- Begin to love yourself… or find out how.
- Have respect for yourself and boundaries… or find out how.
- Find out about what you like and DO those things. It’s ok to be good to yourself.
The more boundaries you have and understand, the more you’ll respect yourself. If you respect yourself, you’ll be able to respect others. If you respect others they will respond more warmly to you. Pretty soon you’ll be able to see who is hurting you and stop spending so much time with them, you’ll begin to spend more time with new and more kind people.
At first when things got better I felt guilty, like I was not meant to feel good, so somehow this was wrong. It’s not wrong. It’s ok. Keep loving God and worshiping Him and keep praying and keep doing the one command He gave us… to love one another. You’ll see… no matter how good your life gets and how good it feels… He’s still right there.
The simple logic
If you love others and they love you back, you’ll have lots of love in your life right? If you have love in your life, you’ll be less likely to look at women (or men) in the wrong way, less likely to be down and then over-eat or hurt yourself or hurt others. Love is healing – that is why satan (the destroyer) is hell-bent on damaging people’s emotions and then causing them to hurt each other and be selfish.
Jesus explained the solution – to love God and to love one another (and to love ourselves… in a healthy way).
Take a rest… Jesus did!
Perhaps you’re TOO active, then take a rest. Did you know that Jesus told His disciples to do exactly that?
And He said to them, [As for you] come away by yourselves to a deserted place, and rest a while–for many were [continually] coming and going, and they had not even leisure enough to eat. – Mark 6:31
Forgive, but keep good boundaries (protect yourself)
God doesn’t require you to forget, just to forgive and let it go, let it drop:
And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go),
in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. – Mark 11:25
Let go of those old arguments, let go of what was done to you. Forgiving will result in you letting go and moving on. Forgiving is GOOD for you because if you forgive then God will forgive you too!
But even when you forgive, you don’t need to restore the relationship, you don’t have to go back into an abuse situation. Just forgive and let go and move on. Onwards and upwards!
More warmth inside is your destiny
Surrounded more and more with healthier and healthier people, you’ll feel more and more warmth in your life. The emptiness will be gone and you’ll be free to love God and love others even more than ever before. Remember, God wants you to live abundant life! Do you know why? Because He believes that if He first loves us, then we will love Him back and we will want to spread the good news about Him to other people.
I know that is true for me. He gave me the ability to grow so fast and to heal so fast – and now I just want other people to know that He is good and He can help them too.
Keep on reading
Leave a comment on this page if you’d like? Use a pretend name if you’re not sure you want to reveal your actual name. For further reading maybe try this post Emotional healing… what’s it like? or read some of my other posts on healing. I have written a companion post that you might benefit from reading: How to fill up the lonely hurt inside. Get into the discussion. Share your experiences. Help someone. Receive help from someone too perhaps.
These posts might also help you:
and also try
- Heal your identity – it will help to fill the emptiness inside
- A vital step to health – thankfulness
- Seeing the truth, accepting, forgiving and recovering
This is a post about forming deeper relationships that let us feel connected and warm inside
Or try some other posts that I wrote:
- Why does the bible say to love yourself?
- God has a plan to prosper you… what to do while you wait
- Emotional healing… what’s it like?
This is a post about growing:
God loves you!
I definitely know how you feel. I have felt guilty for feeling good on many occasions. I have felt condemnation for even thinking someone could love me. I know my wife loves me, but there’s a block there. She makes me feel good about myself, but only to a point. I’ve got to find out how to love myself once and for all – for my wife and kid’s sake, but also for my sake. It’s happening, but so slowly. I’ve tried before, but didn’t keep it up. I’m going to stay in counseling as long as I can until I get through this. Thanks for a great blog.
I googled “I feel so empty inside” and found you. I can especially relate to your “I was so used to being alone that I didn’t recognise their love, I didn’t know how to respond to it and I couldn’t respond back.” How awful is it when people reach out and want to show you love, but there’s nothing inside to give back to them?
I’m really enjoying your blog. Thank you! And God bless you!
Hi ep
Thanks so much for your encouragement and kind words. As you have read, I came from this background and have mostly recovered from it. Lots of my posts are hints and tips about recovery – not just spiritually, but practically and emotionally. I have just today written two posts that might help as well.
Jesus came to give us an abundant life – Part #1
Jesus came to give us an abundant life – Part #2
I hope you keep visiting and I pray that He will bless you and restore you and that your past will be used to His glory and to give you a fulfilling life as you help others.
Bless you,
Mark.
you make it sound fo simple. I have a loving husband a great job in a christian school a wonderful church but my ex-husband ripped my 10 year old on out of my life and although I can tlk to him on a daily basais long distance, my ex refuses to answer the phone and lawyers are very very expensive.
Hi Janet
What you’re going through is tough. No doubt about it. I have TWO close friends who are going through this at the moment – and neither have a loving partner to help with the burden. And yet it’s tough on everyone, no matter what.
But the solution IS simple. Healing is needed and that inlcudes things like boundaries. That’s why the post is simple. But the DOING is hard. And it takes time to change a life. Step by step.
This site
http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/
has lots of good advice on how to deal with difficult ex’s. I hope it can assist you.
Thanks for visiting. Thanks for sharing. I pray that God will increase His presence and His hand in your life.
Bless you,
Mark.
To anyone who enjoyed this post and wants to work on recovery, let me recommend another of my posts:
http://achristian.wordpress.com/2006/09/21/action-points-for-living-a-new-life/
Bless you guys!
Mark.
hello. i also googled “what to do when you are empty” and got your post. it helped me by reminding me that i am not so alone. thank you for your advice.
Hi there
Sorry about my delay in replying. I am sad to hear that you’re in that place in your life. You are not alone. Although not many people talk openly about it, I know for sure that many many people feel empty. It’s a problem in modern society.
I hope that the posts on this blog will help you work through it and get healing.
Bless you!
Mark.
I was sitting here all along again. I thought of google so I typed up (why do I feel so empty and alone) and I got this. o.k. I know I’m told to find something that I like to do. but I don’t have no drive. I have been hurting in the inside. I can’t find a job? I look and then I get turned down. I don’t get the love I want from my husband and we have no kids. I like children alot but we have no children. Every time I see children with familys I feel so empty!!! I want to be happy, I try to be kind to others but my anger just comes out and I take my pain out on them. Then I want to be alone and when I am I hurt even more!!! Why is life so hard. I never thought my life would feel like it does every day. I don’t want people to feel sorry me. I want help, I go to counseling. now she wants me to get help, it’s just one thing after another and I don’t have money. I don’t want my husband to pay for everything. I don’t want him to to know that I feel this way. He does know that I get sad and he thinks it’s because I don’t have a job. I love the Lord and I know that he love’s me!!! but I just hurt inside and I don’t know how to handle this? Sometimes when I do talk to my husband he ends up angry about this issue. Because he don’t like to see me this way. He don’t know how to help me. I need to help myself some way.
Hi Deanna
My best advice is to keep working on yourself. Just keep learning and keep asking God for healing and above all, learn to be good to yourself. Find hobbies. Fill up that inside space by loving yourself and by listening to what you’re feeling and meeting your needs. Be good to yourself.
Bless you!
Mark.
When I feel lonely I slip away and pray, mostly to feel better I give God the praise and worship that is His. And slowly the lonliness go away.
At times the lonliness lingers as if Ihave no say then I remeber I can do all things in Christ and ask Him to sit with me and I talk about all the things that I think might be bothering me or is bothering me, then I get still to hear what He has to say. By then the lonliness has gone away. Who can be lonly while praising, playing with, talking to, and worshiping our loving Father? Sometimes it isn’t so easy to get started after a hard day but if you will just open your mouth you will find it gets easier. love you much thank you for allowing me to visit.
catherine.
Mark,
You have an interesting blog going here and one that I really need to take the time to sit down and read more. A lot of what you say in this entry makes sense to me, all the way up to the part about loving myself first. Well, even that makes sense, but I don’t know how to do it. I grew up pretty emotionally isolated, so loving myself is a foreign concept.
I would very much appreciate your prayers in this area as I try to get back on my Christian feet and live the life God wants me to live.
Thanks,
Aaron
Hi Aaron
I know just how you feel. Believe me. The way out depends on where you are at, what you’ve learned, what you perceive. I had to learn ALL of it for the first time. I had to learn about the need for having boundaries, which requires me to value myself and WANT to protect myself. To value myself, I had to speak positively to myself, to believe that I am worthy of His love, worthy of care for myself. This kind of growth and change is a from-the-ground-up thing. It’s not easy and not quick. But you probably already know that. If you’re at all confused about whether Jesus and the bible wants you to love yourself – then read this: why does the bible say to love yourself?
God bless you brother. You can do it. You’re worth it. Care for yourself.
God bless – Mark.
Hi, I really like your blog and somehow it made me a bit better. There are just times that I want to rest and get away from it all. You see I am an active leader in our religious organization,and I’m just overwhelmed sometimes of the job I’m handling. I’m assigned most of the work and I feel burnt out already. I am also a high school teacher.I want to rest and lie low for awhile but I feel guilty of leaving the work behind. Also I can’t do the things I want to do because of financial difficulties ( I help pay the bills of my parents). Another thing is that I still don’t trust my boyfriend even if I forgave him. Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t cheat but it’s a case of broken promises. I’m afraid of trusting him esp. with my future. We planned to get married but because he made wrong decisions that affected our plans made me have second thoughts about our relationship. Along with my service and emotional problem, I still feel hurt and empty. I know God loves me, and this will pass, but I just hope & pray that God will speed the healing up a bit.
Thanks and God bless!
Hi Shellany.
Thank you for sharing yourself. You’re a generous person.
Let me share a bit about me. I thought I was being “generous” until I came to learn that other people were abusing my generous nature. Those feelings I was having of not feeling safe or secure was my built in God given warning signal that I was allowing people to take advantage of me. I didn’t understand strong boundaries and the need to protect myself from abusive people who break their promises often. Healthy and good people don’t do that.
I had to make some changes, protect myself, get healthy and find healthy friends. God guided me through this process. He is a good God. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
May God bless you and keep you safe,
Mark.
I can relate to many things on here……..here’s my deal……..
on the outside I look like I have the perfect life…….I have a husband who works hard and provides for our family so I can stay home with our two daughters (now 12 and 7)
I feel guilty saying it, or thinking it, but sometimes I feel like my life is incomplete cause I can’t find ME in it……….I am 40 years old and struggling with knowing who I am………not what my parents want me to be, or my husband wants me to be or what my church wants me to be……
………….how do I find myself so that I can learn to love myself?
So that I can love others and accept the love they offer?
………part of me wonders if there is some degree of sin in my life that I actually enjoy and don’t want to give up because I THINK it is bringing me joy……..when actually its destroying my chance for happiness……cause that’s the way Satan operates….he makes us think sin is fun and will bring us happiness…….and tells us just a “small” sin isn’t really a sin……
What do you think?
Hi.
I think you’re right, that sin can be fun right away. But it destroys and in the longer term it slowly hurts us and the people around us.
I think that God is trying to tell you something in the revelation that you’re having. He’s saying – YES you need fun and pleasure in your life.
So get out there and have some good healthy fun. Really. What do you enjoy doing? You don’t need to change husband or children, just have some healthy fun. Dance with your husband. Learn a new language. Embrace something good about yourself. Do you like knitting? Do you like running? Drawing? Do a course.
There are MANY wonderful and healthy things you can do which will add pleasure to your life WITHOUT resorting to “sin”. Good healthy pleasure will lift you up, lift your family up and make you stronger inside. GO HAVE SOME FUN and grow yourself.
God bless you!
Mark.
Mark, what you are doing is amazing, and God and I love it!
The one thing that is sad that, i know this is confusing, but while i am worshiping God in my room, away from the buzsing social life, I have an empty place inside. Just a spot in my heart that isn’t filled. And i think I have a good relationship with God. I have no “Best friends.” and no certain likes for anyone too much. And i know God did this so i would draw closer to him. And although it gets lonely sometimes, its helping.
In school, i am dealing with this person who is very negative on every aspect of life, and she only has me to hang with because no one else can stand her, or they refuse to take her in. She is not really helping me become happy. What should i do?
Hi Jewelz.
You didn’t include your email, so I can’t let you know that I have replied to this comment. I pray that God will bring you back to this post so you can see my reply.
Almost all problems between people AND also within a person seem to be centered around poor boundaries. Abuse of a person is when the ABUSER doesn’t restrain themselves from breaking the other person’s boundaries. BUT abuse also happens when the ABUSED won’t value themselves, so they don’t protect themselves by maintaining firm boundaries. Parents hurt their kids (not respecting the kids boundaries) and people hurt one another by breaking through boundaries.
So my concern for you is that your friend doesn’t value herself and isn’t growing strong in her identity – she might not be a good friend for you to have.
I have found out that we should not confuse ministry with friendship.
FRIENDS are good people who respect our boundaries. They are good for us. They help us grow and we help and affirm them.
When we MINISTER to someone, they usually take from us, they don’t often give back much. This is ministry. It is NOT friendship.
Or to put it another way… when I meet someone and I think “oh, a poor lost lamb that needs help” I know I am going to minister to this person. I try to remind myself not to expect them to give equally and not to put them in the category of FRIENDS. It’s ministry. Me helping them. It won’t be an equal relationship. They don’t often give back as much as they take.
But if I meet someone who is my equal and who gives and receives and leaves me feeling wonderful… I know that is a healthy friendship.
I guess you have to decide if this is a healthy friend or someone you want to minister to.
God doesn’t want you to live a life all alone, we need friends. He wants to live with you and through you. He wants you to get out there! He said “let your light shine so they may see you good deeds – and praise your Father in heaven. So get out there Jewelz!
Go for it. Embrace your life and embrace people. Love them. Love yourself. Love God.
God bless you
Mark.
I feel very unwanted and not needed by my husband and teenagers. I so want to be a part of their lives but due to my job and schedule I can not always go on mission trips and church camps like they do. My husband is a pastor and I have two wonder teenagers 17 and 19. But, lately I feel as if God doesn’t want me to be a part of their lives. That I am not needed. I so long to be in the mission field. But I pray daily for this and am getting where I feel I am not good enough for God to use or good enough to be with my family. Please tell me how to deal with this!!!!!!
Hi. I’m sorry for the late reply. My very best advice is for you to read this post and then read all the posts that it links to. You CAN grow. I believe in you and I believe in God. You CAN have a wonderful life WITH your kids and your husband. You CAN have dreams AND pursue them WITH your husband. Read that post and read the other posts. Look after yourself. Make good friends. Get hobbies. Grow. Prosper. Pray and ask God for the things you need. Love the people around you. Love yourself. You CAN do it. I believe in you and your ability to prosper. May God bless you as you go forward positively in your life WITH your kids and husband. You can do it! – Mark.
Dear Mark,
I went onto Google and typed in “feeling empty inside” and your blog came up. I read it with keen interest and hope knowing that I’m not the only one going through this. I met a very special man about 4 months ago – we dated for 3 of those four months and he has now called it off romantically – he still wants to be friends and I’m very happy to be that to him.
The only problem is I know there is more feelings from his side, but he has been hurt so much in the past that he is afraid to give of himself completely – this in turn is hurting me because I have so much to give him but he just does not want to accept it.
I’m really feeling anxious, hurt and confused – there is an emptiness inside me that I have NEVER felt before and all I want is for him to come to his senses. I’m not concentrating on anything and trying anyway to help me through this. He really is a great person and friend and I never want to loose that – but it hurts so much. I’m loosing weight, not focussing my studies or work and I’m so afraid of what the consequences of my emotions/actions are going to be on my life. How do I let go and let God? I so want to be with this man right now so that he can hold me and tell me everything will be ok, but I don’t want to push him further away because of my feelings of insecurity. What must I do – HELP it really hurts.
Hi Moon.
So what you have said here is that he has told you he wants to break it off and he did break it off. You suspect he has some feelings and you certainly have feelings. But the thing is, he has free will and he has used his will. By cutting it off, he has made a statement – and you can choose to respect him and accept his statement.
It’s his life and his choice. He has made his choice. You now need to decide if being a friend is too hard for you and if it’s healthy for you. You must look after you. He’s not the only fish in the sea!
When my ex was off doing other things, I had these thoughts too. Eventually after months and months I learned to say this to myself: has she *SAID* she wants to be here? No. *IS* she here? No. Did she *SAY* she would come? No. I had to accept the reality as it REALLY IS right now. Not think about hopes and promises. Just the here and now.
When we do this, we get free from imaginary dreams. Then we have to face that inner emotional stuff. Sometimes it’s EASIER to focus on the other person rather than focus on how we feel. But when we get real, we then can begin to heal what is going on on the inside of ourselves. Does that make sense?
You need love right? Well… You can love you. You can find a loving church. You can find loving friends. You can take care of you. You can do things you enjoy. Maybe volunteer your time to a good cause where you will meet people and help people less fortunate. Get out there and enjoy yourself. Love yourself. Do the stuff you enjoy… it will help you love the life that God gave you and that Jesus died to provide you.You can be all you can be in your life. God loves you. God wants you to LIVE happily.
You can do it. I know you can.
God bless you,
Mark.
Hi:
I came across your site when I was finding ways/tips on dealing with emptiness. I personally felt that God was leading me to your page because I feel much better than I have been feeling in a couple of days. The sad part is that I am only in my early 20s.
Sometimes I feel like all there is to life is work and dealing with domestic issues and where I live it can be hard to see the fun in anything.
I guarantee you, that whomever reads your blog will be blessed and grateful that they did. Thank you and God Bless You!
Hi Ashley. You’re not alone. The feelings and experiences you’re describing are very common and growing in society. I know it’s a bummer to be in your early 20’s and feeling this way.
I really only saw my situation and STOOD UP to face it and begin to outgrow it when I was about 34. I’m 38 now. I’m doing extremely well now.
It might take you a year or two, but in Jesus Mighty Name I know that you CAN and WILL put off that old man and put on the new abundant living man that God has for you. The only thing that can stop you is… you. God is for you. I am for you. The potential is there. You have options. The only way for it to not happen is if you refuse to change, heal and grow.
Passivity is our enemy. Faith in Jesus must lead to actual changes in our behavior. Faith in His ability to provide leads us to live a bit more boldly. Faith in His ability to bring friends, if we ask Him to. Faith to heal our emotions, if we ask Him to. Faith that we can have a better life, free of the past, if we ask Him to and we gradually unlearn the old habits and learn the new ways.
Don’t think that you can do it all on your own. But also don’t think that just a “positive thinking” style of passive faith will do it either. God wants a RELATIONSHIP with us. Prayer is TALKING. So get talking. Tell Him what you need and what you want. Ask and keep on asking. Maybe have a read of this post: http://achristian.wordpress.com/2007/04/22/fantasy-stops-us-growing-into-adults/
By walking with Him, I have come through to a life more intimate with Him and more blessed than I could ever have imagined. You can too, it’s your inheritance. He died to set us free!
God bless you!
Mark.
Dear Mark,
Your website is a blessing and a “very present help in trouble”. I feel as I have been living my life in quiet desperation for a very long time. More than 25 years ago I was happily married, or so I thought to a wonderful but workaholic husband. Keeping this as brief as possible, I had an affair and although my husband forgave me I wanted to end the marriage because I was so blind in love with this other person. Many empty years have gone by, with the constant feeling of shame and the burning questions..”what was I thinking?”, “why did I ruin so many lives and end the possibility of having kids?”. I have since remarried (15 years) to a good and kind Christian man who unfortunately does not know how to express love or intimacy. I realize that he cannot help it and I know only God can make things right for us but I feel emotionally dead. Over the years my former husband and I have stayed in touch peroidically and just recently had an intense conversation. I don’t think we have ever stopped loving each other and he has never blamed me totally for what I did. He has also remarried and we both know we will never leave our respective spouses because we cannot hurt them like we have been hurt. But the ache of loneliness within our relationships is devastating and the emptiness I feel now is more profound since we have had this most recent conversation. I DON’T know how to climb up from this abyss. I don’t know what to pray for or how to feel whole again. Many people who know me say they sense a feeling of deep sadness about me (they do not know about my issues) and I hate that it is becoming so obvious. I want so much to lean on my faith which has helped me throughso many hard times but I have come to a wall. Please help. Thank you.
Hi Carrie. I have been through a divorce too, so I have an idea of some of the complication. First a disclaimer… I’m not a trained counselor.
But you asked for my advice so here goes. Jesus said that divorce happens because one or both of the people have “hardness of heart”. So my advice to you is this. With God’s help YOU CAN turn this marriage around and have a loving and wonderful relationship with you CURRENT husband. So I would suggest you and he go to counseling and totally commit yourselves to honesty and growing a healed and soft heart towards one another.
If it is possible, I would suggest you have as little to do with your ex-husband – because that is a complication that is having a bad effect on your currently marriage. I suggest you COMPLETELY commit yourself to your present husband and he to you. Together you guys CAN work things out. It might take 4 years, but you can.
The reason that divorce rates get higher and higher with each new marriage (2nd, 3rd, 4th) is that deep down we hope that someone new won’t have the problems that the PREVIOUS person had. But we fail to see that half the problem was in OURSELVES and we don’t improve OURSELVES. If I get healthier in my thinking, I will attract a healthier partner. You are already involved… so your best choice is to GET HEALTHIER and your husband can do the same thing. Then together you can grow old deleriously in love and happy. BUT ONLY if you put in the hard work to heal YOURSELF and he is willing to do the same.
Don;t hope for the best. The grass is NOT greener over there. A new person won’t make any significant long term difference. Soften your heart. Get healing. Work on your marriage.
May God bless you,
Mark.
BTW for anyone else reading this, my advice applies to relatively healthy marriages. NOT to a marriage where there is abuse and sexual or physical violence.
Mark,
My sincerest thanks. What you are saying makes perfect sense in every way. Although I must say that my current husband and I have been through counseling before, with a Christian counselor. But my husband refused to go back after 4 sessions stating that “this is the way I am, and I can’t change that.” So I try to make each day as happy as I can in an almost sexless, almost zero intimacy marriage. I don’t expect miracles anymore but I will continue to pray for guidance, strength and wisdom. I have asked him repeatedly, “is it me, am I unattractive you?”, but the answer is always, “no, it’s just me and I’m sorry.” Where do you go from there? But I will not be in contact with my ex as I know it is totally unhealthy. Thank you for your time, I do appreciate it.
Blessings to you.
Carrie
Hi Carrie. Ok, plan A isn’t working… no problem… let’s go for plan B. Your husband sounds either annoyed or he has given up or somethig like that. I know I have felt like he does. The GOOD news is that he wants to be accepted for himself. This is VERY healthy. And the second bit of good news is that he isn’t planning on leaving. So this gives you plenty of time and space to try something new that will help both of you.
In plan B *YOU* go get counseling. You learn about yourself. You learn to have boundaries. You learn to love better. You learn about your needs and the needs of people around you. You develop a wonderful life and identity. Your husband won’t complain when he sees he has a mroe attractive wife, a wife who is happier in herself and she has more energy for the marriage.
The reason can work is because of the “see saw” effect. You remember being on a see saw as a kid? When one of the kids on a see saw moves, the other kid is forced to move to keep the balance. Do you remember? So as you heal and enjoy your life more, your husband will find a second lease on life.
You can do it! God bless you!
Mark.
That is excellent advice. I like the seesaw analogy…makes it easier to understand. And very do-able. So appreciate your help.
God bless you,
Carrie
No problem Carrie. May God bless you! – Mark.
I came across your website after plugging in a few keywords on feeling empty, etc — I guess like everyone else here. You sound like you really have it together. I am afraid I am wasting my life by not enjoying it. I have always had bouts of emptiness inside throughout my whole life. But it seems to be constant now and I am not sure why. When my mother passed away 17 yrs now.. I felt as though part of my soul died as well. We had a close relationship … not without ups and downs but still close. Then 3 years after that my best friend passed away. Again another piece of me died too. I have two great children who are now adults….I struggled as a single parent (divorced twice) but managed to do a pretty good job. I have a job….go to church..have friends BUT something is missing. I pray everyday for strength and guidance. Friends always want to get together but I would rather be by myself. I feel I have a good relationship with God but then why do I feel this way? I just go thru each day…..not truly enjoying it. I have some health issues nothing major. I don’t want to be this way but don’t really know how to get past this. What am I missing? besides my life.
Hi Sarah. I’m not a trained counselor and I *certainly* don’t have it together. I’m in transition (like you) from my past to my future. My past is seriously messed up – and my future is an abundant life.
I prayed about you today, since I read this in the morning (my time). I get the feeling that these losses somehow blocked you up internally, emotionally. You’ve had some big losses and more than a little sadness (2 divorces) and it has somehow left you emotionally blocked on the inside. Perhaps you protected yourself from being hurt… and when we shut down our feelings to stop the pain, we also lose the ability to feel joy and happiness. Both are feelings. If we stop feeling pain, we also stop feeling joy. And then life passes by like a ticking clock – and we miss out on the good times and the potential of having a wonderful life.
The solution is to get those blocked feelings out. One way to do that is to go to counseling and talk about what it felt like to lose those people and what it felt like to go through those losses. As you process the pain, you will begin to feel the joy and laughter and happiness of life again.
Please remember that I am not a trained counselor… BUT I can assure you that I have learned that this advice is really true. And it works. the way out is to talk. To talk, talk, talk. Get the bad stuff out, so you can enjoy the good stuff.
May God bless you!
Mark.
Hey there,
I am glad to know that I am not the only person that is dealing with this. I felt like I was crazy for a while because one day I just woke up and really felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. Its going to be a long tough journey ahead to figure out who I am and how to love myself, but after reading this article I am excited to do so. Does anyone have any other suggestions on how to figure out who you are?? Thanks!
Hi anonymous.
Figuring out who you are… how about simply making a list of things you like. Then adding the things you’re interested in doing, but aren’t yet. Then add the things you succeeded at in the past. Then add the things you did and simply enjoyed. Then add to the list of things you find fun. Add the people you like. And add those you don’t like. And keep adding.
ALL OF THIS IS WHO YOU ARE. You are a collection of experiences and feelings and desires.
God bless you,
Mark.
Several days of the month, I wake up feeling that big hole in my chest. It is hard for me to start the day, I feel like staying at home until I feel a whole person again.
There is a hole in my chest. It is like something inside me is measing. My soul? I desperately hope that something fills it, but I do not what will do it. I have to start my day and igore the feeling, that helps me a bit. As the day passes I feel much better, but the very next day, I feel the same.
I wish to feel normal.
Hi Christy. It can be done. You can feel better and normal. Read these pages and put them into action in your life. May God bless you, Mark.
I’ve been feeling so empty inside lately and I don’t know what to do about it. It is just this feeling of being not like anyone else and that I’m all alone. I don’t even really understand it. On the outside everything would seem fine except the only thing would be the lack of a companion. But is that really so necessary that I have to feel empty otherwise? Thing is, I don’t think even that could be it. Other people don’t always feel empty being single, so why should I have to. I even have family that supposedly loves me, one really good friend and a few others I spend time with occasionally, but I still feel like an outcast. Is it that I can’t even feel love or that I’m incapable of it? I really don’t know. Hopefully I can read some more of your blog Mark and find out how I can stop feeling so lifeless and alone. Thank you for what you’ve posted, I really need something to help me with this.
Hi Any. You are very welcome. God bless you, Mark.
Mark, THANK YOU. I have been suffering from depression for years and tonight I was praying, and something told me to type what I was feeling into Google. So I typed, “Lord, I feel empty inside,” and your blog came up. It helps to know I’m not alone with how I’m feeling, and that there can be such a thing as negative Christian messages. I have always suspected that these gloom-and-doom messages were not good for me despite being “Christian”, and sometimes I feel that the devil uses these messages to attack people like me by making me feel bad about myself, preventing my growth as a person. I have even reached the point where I stopped going to church because the preachings make me feel unworthy and inadequate. It is good to have positive Christian messages to read for a change.
I am very much encouraged by what I read in your post and it is good to know that the Lord has sent someone to be there before me so that he could show me other ways out of my problems, because nobody else knows I am this way (to all appearances, I am a happy and well-adjusted person, but a lot of it is pretend as I grew up feeling unloved and unwanted and the constant victim of verbal abuse and whippings). So, Mark, thank you once again. Thank you for putting emphases on loving ourselves, as the emphasis has always been on loving the neighbor and denying ourselves. THANK YOU.
Hi Jenny. You are very welcome. God bless you, Mark.
Thanks for this post, it really spoke to me. I feel “EXACTLY” like the things you’ve described. I typed in the Google search engine “I feel empty” and I found this site. I think your right, you have to love yourself before anybody will. I’ve always been the type to look out for everyone else but here recenlty I’ve had a bit of a set back. When I had my set back, it really made me look around and question where I was at in my life and “WHO” for that matter really cared. It’s sad to say that I only came up with “1″ person and I felt that God wanted me to see that. Now, I’m not in church every Sunday but I do have a strong belief in the power of God and what he can do. Thanks again for posting.
Hi Billy. I think the upside of knowing who are true friends, is that you can learn to recognize who else might make a good friend (and who doesnn’t). Then you can begin to learn about friendships, learn about giving and receiving, and build new and healthier and better relationships. God bless you, Mark.
I Just got to tell everyone “”THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH”" for sharing their storys, it felt like some of you was living my life in some of the Blogs…Sad to say but it feels good to know that im not alone, but Good to say that we are all looking to find some healing and thanx to Mark and Everyone for starting me of tonight on a healing trip that i know will not be easy but will be worth it..GOD Bless
Sincerly,
Anthony
Hi Anthony and EVERYONE ELSE who have posted their comments.
It is wonderful that so many people are willing to share stories – and in this way we can all learn we are not alone. I am sad to say that society is breeding loneliness (we can go to a movie with 100 other people in the cinema and still leave feeling lonely).
It’s only by changing our lifestyles and changing the way we think that we can grow and recover. God is FOR us. He wants us to heal. But we also have a part to play, by ASKING for help, by following good advice, by making changes in our lives.
Keep sharing… the truth you tell can save someone else.
God bless,
Mark.
I just want to say that I’m amazed that there are so many people with this problem. I think the hardest thing about emptiness is you can’t get it fixed like a broken leg. THERES REALLY NOT ALOT OF HELP FOR PEOPLE LIKE US. You just end up feeling more confused and guilty when people, including professionals tell you to think happy thoughts. It’s more complicated then that. I think the thing we want to know is that were not alone and thanks to this forum I’m slowly finding that out and I’m so grateful to Mark and every single person reaching out and giving me something concrete to look at when I feel like I’m in the dark. Maybe we can all find some solutions together.
Hiya. Yes there is SUCH a big need for people to be open about this and to find solutions. The solution starts with loving ourselves, then we can try receive love from others… and eventually we can “belong” to a group and become part of a community.
What is emptiness? We can feel empty in a marriage or even when we have kids sitting on our lap and they are laughing happily. It’s not about bein alone or needing to have friends or not having a partner.
Emptiness inside is a symptom of something INSIDE US. It’s a lack of self love or a symptom that we don’t feel loveable.
As a child, the primary job of parents is to give children love and protection and we needed to be TOLD we are loved and loveable and acceptable by our parents. This is called INTIMACY. From a deeper relationship with people we get IDENTITY. If we received abuse, even abuse as a teen, we received the oppositve message – of not having worth.
If we can understand what went wrong, we can understand what we are missing, then we can get a glimpse of what we need to FIX the problem. We need to build a strong and vibrant sense of worth and that we belong and we matter to people. We need to see our God given gifts and use them. We need to know who we are and what we are good at.
The people around us might be telling us that we are loved, but maybe we can’t hear it or we don’t want to. Maybe we can’t hear it from God either. So lets start with loving ourselves. If we can start somewhere, like a rolling ball, we will gather speed and we will be able to accept God loves us, our partners love us… and that we belong and our lives are meaningful and have tremendous value.
Abuse of any type – being ignored, physical or emotional, absent parents – it all strips us of a positive identity. BUT. We can fight and work to build a new stronger and more loving identity. I know we *can* BECAUSE I HAVE. Thank You Lord Jesus! Guys, let’s keep exploring this together. We matter.
Love,
Mark.
Hi Mark!
I’ve been here in California (US) for a year now. Sometimes, I do feel empty because of my loneliness being away from my family and for some other reasons..which I really cant explain.
This is the first time that I had time to check other website or even read a blog of someone because I was surfing for Chris Tomlin’s videos and songs. Then, I came across yours. At first I was just listening how you sing…then I saw at the right side of this page..”Why do we feel empty?”
For one week now, I’ve been crying every night because I feel empty. God has blessed me so much with everything that I feel I dont deserve these. My relationship with Christ has never been so close as much what I have right now with Him.He knows what I feel…then….when you said something about forgiving, letting go and not going back to that abusive relationship..that hit me straight to my heart. I’m in the point of making a decision and not sure if Im doing the right thing because of fear that I might make someone stumble. But everything now is so clear.
I thank God for people like you who takes time to minister and reach out to those who are hurting. Im not exactly sure where you are right now, but you are a blessing. And not even distance can hinder us from sharing our faith.
May God give you the desires of your heart.
Your sister in Christ,
Jenny
Hi sister Jenny.
Abusive relationships are not at all what God wants for us. Get out of that relationship IF the person won’t repent. And please remember, repenting means to say you’re SORRY and to CHANGE your ways. If they continue to abuse, then get out of there. Then work on restoring your sense of self, your understanding of boundaries and dig deeply into the intimacy that Jesus is giving you. You are very fortunate to have that. Make use of it.
May god bless you!
Mark.
Ive been honestly feeling so empty it’s overwhelming.
I can’t understand how i can feel so content yet so empty.
If i’m so empty I’m probably not actually content and since im writing this, but I’m not exactly sure how to phrase it. My family is not affectionate, we barely talk, my mom no longer lives with us, my father is engulfed in his own sorrow, and i push away everyone around me unless i can help them. I don’t know why, but the only people i can talk to are people who need help, and who am i too help someone when i cant even fix myself? I’m intensely busy starting my own business, working, volunteering, baking, homework, everything is being thrown on me. At night all i want to do is sleep, but i can’t, and like you mentioned in your post i just want a hug. It sounds so desperate but i’ve become desperate for that. Someone to hug me, so i can feel alive again. Its so hard to love myself, and hard to love others as a result, when you barely feel alive. Its hard to do anything for that matter. Please help..
Hi patti.
I can hear the cry of your heart so clearly in your email. You have a busy life and your life is full of people… but one crucial thing you said gives me a hint at the problem. You said “My family is not affectionate, we barely talk” and this is the problem for most of us. The problem is a lack of intimacy. Connection. Connectedness. Emotionally (not intellectually) feeling like you matter to at least one person – preferrably to many people. I wrote a post about how to build up intimacy. May I suggest you read it over: Creating deep intimacy (into-me-see) in relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts about it – and perhaps hear that you’re putting it into action in your life.
May God bless you!
Mark.
Hi Mark,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We need a beacon and your soul shines.
May I share my experience? I am glad to have found your post, like man of my fellow bloggers here i typed in “feeling empty” and found you. Ten years ago I was very hurt but I recovered. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. Fortunately there were a million angels around to help me not hurt myself. It was bizarre, no matter what I was doing or thinking of doing they would appear and keep me safe from myself.
The final piece in my puzzle was Bob. He fell into my life and we discovered we were soul mates. We felt happiness, we understood our pain and we healed. I have laughter lines all over my face thanks to him. Then 8 years later it changed badly. Bob moved away to study. The plan was he would gain a good education and we could start a family. In the space of a week he became involved with another person. His demons took hold and he changed. It looks like him, it has his memories but it is not the kind Bob we all knew and loved. Now there is no future, I feel nothing, my children have disappeared. I have no drive, no will to live. Now Bob wants to be friends. This is my soulmate, the man who promised he would never leave and would forsake all over women.
I do things which I like. walking, listening to music, being with friends. It’s ok but the feeling doesn’t last. My strength has disappeared and I find I am being taken advantage of at work because i am not allowed to stand up for myself. Sorry to be a whiner. I actually don’t want to wallow.
Hi Rebecca
I am very sad to hear that you are suffering in this way. From what you have said, he has changed and he has chosen to move on with another woman. Ouch. That is a very hard situation for you because you still care for him. Being friends with him will most likely drag you through more pain and hurt – and I doubt you need that.
My very best advice – and please remember that I am NOT a trained counsellor – is for you to try and grow inside yourself. That means to go places to meet more friends, develop *deeper* friendships with the people around you… in other words, fill you life with the warmth of *real* love. Get into a church or a home church/group/cell and let God love you through His people. If the church you attend is legalistic (not loving) then leave it. Try a few churches until you find one where you feel warm and appreciated.
I know you said you are already spending time with friends and walking. You also said that you are around people who are hurting you and abusing you. Get away from people like that. I suggest that you need to feel the warmth of *real* love in your life… and it comes from loving *yourself* and from feeling love from healthy friends and family around you. When you feel this warmth then that will help you get over him and it will also help you separate from other people who are stripping by hurting you. Look after you by moving away from harmful people.
Pray and ask God to heal you. This is my prayer for you. I hope that everyone reading this page will believe that I am praying it for them too. Please pray it for yourself, using your own name.
May God bless you,
Mark.
Hi for years I did not visit my inlaws as I felt they disliked me they were totally different from my own parents I had two children and both them and my husband had a relationship with them. My father in law passed away and now I am full of remorse and guilt that I was a bad christian and god will condemn me to hell. I am easily hurt by people and maybe I was to blame but I thought I was doing the best for everyone concerned at the time now I am so very sorry not resolving the situation. Please help me as I am so very depressed I just want peace of mind thanks
Hi margaret. God knows and I know and you know that absolutely EVERYONE on this makes mistakes. God knows that we make mistakes and He sent Jesus to pay for all of our mistakes. So you and I are forgiven. FORGIVEN. So you can chil out and relax a bit. You’re not going to hell if you have Jesus as your Saviour. So you really can relax. Yes you didnt resolve it. Hey guess what, I made mistakes too. We all do. We cry about it, learn from it and we move on and DON’T do it again. Or at least I hope we learn and change.
God bless you! Mark.
I love your message it lifted me up and made me feel whole again.
-Johnny
Thanks for your encouragement Johnny!
My mum and dad divorced 5 years ago because my mum cheated on him, my dad moved away and i see him twice a month and i live with my mum and her new partner and even though it has been 5 years i cry most of the time i just feel so empty and i try and stay inspired and write alot because it helps me but i have suddenly reached a point where i fell there is no helping me, i have an appointment at the doctors tomorow just to see what she suggests, but its been so long now i have become used to the feeling my mum doesn tunderstand and everyone tells me im stuck in the past, i find living with my mums partner tough, i miss my dad all the time but he cant help. And recently my mum has been diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer my dad tells me that however bad my relationship with her i still have to try because she hasnt got much time left, he also says when she does die i will feel that there is something missing in my life but i already feel like that and i dont want it to get any worse and i know it will, counscelling won’t help they dont understand, but reading your article has helped me in a way. thank you
Hi Lost. I am very sorry to hear about how you feel. I know that losing a loved one is a very hard thing. I hope your appointment went well. In these articles I try to explain how to fill up that emptiness that you feel inside. I hope you will read them again and again and try to do something new in your life that will fill you up. May Jesus bless you and I pray that you will find the strength and the hope and love (in a good community) that you need. God bless you Lost, Mark.
since me and my bf broke up recently, i dont know how to move on..that really made me feel so empty..since he came into my life, i became happy and alive..that i can face all the problems that will come my way as long as we’re together. but now he’s gone i dunno how to get up..i can’t get him off my system. just want to have peace of mind and go on with my life..hope this post will give me more advice and learn to forgive and forget..
Hello, I found this website like many people in here typing “feeling empty.” Any advice on how to improve my life would be appreciated as I don’t know how to get rid of this void inside of me. I’m 29 years old and single. I get up and go to work everyday but I feel that I’m only surviving, while feeling that my life has no sense at all. I go to church almost every Sunday but I don’t find any relief or solution to my problem. I feel no drive to excel at the company where I work due to my lack of motivation. I’m so tired of feeling like a loser but I just don’t know what to do with my situation or my life for that matter. Is there anyway I can get a different point of view on this life? My life as a kid used to be better but this routine of my adult life I find it extremely boring. Thanks for taking the time by reading these lines.
Mark, this blog was amazing. It was everything I needed to read. Thank you so much, God bless.
Hi M. Thanks so much for your encouragement. – Mark.
my wife and i have split up. she wants a divorce, says she feels empty inside [thats why i looked on your site]. all my fault i slept with another woman [from my school days] this was almost 2 years ago now, i thought we had worked it out. we both go to church and have prayed so much over this. we have had counciling and guidence, but although she says she has forgiven me, i do not believe she has. i do love her so much and cannot imagine living without her, i know god has a plan for us all and i trust his judgement but i am getting so desperate and almost impatient for a happy conclusion.do i pray harder and wait? because just giving up is not an option.
Hi Richard. I am very sorry that you are expriencing this. You guys are facing the issue, getting counselling and praying about it – give it time now, God can heal these situations when both people learn to heal and then learn to forgive. Usually the problem is not just the current situation, but the problem goes back many years to previous relationships or childhood. Keep learning, keep praying, keep, keep going to counselling. God bless you! – Mark.
thank you for posting this. it means a lot
Thank you for visiting
– Mark.
Hello mark,
I googled “forgiveness” and found your site, I read the first paragraph of forgiveness and I cried.. I am lost, unsure of everything and I do not feel alive inside.. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember due to many bad experiences from abuse in childhood, to extreme anger at my mother who raised me alone and a father who abandoned me and her before I was born and a violent relathionship that went on for 7 years that resulted in a beautiful child – however all of the above have damaged mine and in turn my sons life.. I am truly grateful that he is the one good thing to have come out of that relathionship and give thanks for him everyday.. but it has all taken its toll on me over the years, my anger and not being able to forgive is like a paralysis for me… I am begining to see forgiveness as a weakness because the same people often wrong you again.. boundaries or not.. how many times can you forgive.
I seem to have over the years only ever kept in my head the bad things that people have said.. silly when I have had more compliments than insults..( I identify with so many things you have said) My self love is at 0%.. the rage I am feeling is destroying me I have locked myself away from most people for the last ten years trying to minimise the contact I have because I feel I am not worthy..or that I will be hurt by getting close to people.. this is a waste of a life and I want to stop the cycle I am in but dont know how.. why is it that when one thing upsets me it brings up old hurts and I roll them all into one and I can be angry or tearful for days.. I am not a unkind person nor do I wallow in self pity, I try to keep my mind and heart open, I do good deeds for others my experiences has enabled me to understand other people who are in pain.. (I sometimes volunteer helping young persons with similar backgrounds) why can I move heaven and earth for other people and be so unkind to myself… I have tried affirmations and prayers but I have to say I want to believe god loves me but I feel so dirty is it really possible? I know that healing is a lengthy process but I want to be happy right now.. I feel I am emotionally bankrupt.
I am writing this because I feel safe on this page like there is lot of love and goodness here.. thank you. I look forward to visiting this site often for more of your thought provoking words and the comfort they bring knowing you are not alone in how you feel is a huge relief.
Hi Still Trying
I hope you don’t mind, but I turned your comment into a post! How to fill up the lonely hurt inside
Thank you for visiting and for sending in your comment. Your openness will help so many other people who also feel isolated. Everyone who suffers like this feels alone – that’s the problem, aloneness, a lack of love, being unconnected, not being in warm relationships – and then when someone who feels like they are the “only one” and they visit this page, they get to see just how many people feel isolated and hurt in this modern, money hungry world of ours. Hopefully we can not only get help, but we can begin to see how valuable WE are to OTHERS. We feel our need and our need brings us to this page… but perhaps now we can see the enormous need of OTHERS and we can see that we’re far from the only one… our ability to love others is what THEY need. We are more valuable to other people and to God than we could possibly imagine.
You are welcome here all the time and I’d like to hear more of your comments on the posts I have written. I’d like to hear more from anyone who visits this page.
God bless!
Mark.
Have you ever surveyed a late fall landscape? Everything around you is in muted tones of brown and gray. The dral clouds roll in and obscure the warm and life giving rays of the sun. And you see a tree. A tree stripped bear of its bright green foilage. The tree is barren-save for one lone leaf. The leaf is brown, brittle and holding on with all of its might. For it is clinging to its only source of life. Once it is ripped away from the tree, it will wither and die in a world that doesnt even know it exists. It will be blown wherever the wind will carry it. Tossed here and there. Left to crumble into nothing as if it never was in the first place. I, often times feel like that lone leaf sruggling to stay alive, to cling with what little is left of me, knowing that my its just a matter of time before the winter winds strp me of my one source of life. I want to love a woman. But I don’t think I have the capacity to anymore. Why should I go into another relationship and put what I have; my heart, my all, my hopes into something that will end in s ball of flames. I leave with less of myself than when I went into the relationship. Who needs the hurt, the crushed hopes, the dreams that went unfuflfilled and the promises that were quickly forgotten and broken? I know Jesus is there and can heal me. I know He loves me and that He wants me to be happy. What is wrong with wanting to have someone ask, “how was your day”? What is wrong with having someone in your life who can laugh with you and give you cause to smile? I want to hear the words, ‘I care about you and for you.’ I want to share my secrets, ny fears, my hopes and dreams with a woman that can give me what I am looking for-love. I believe that I have to let go of that fantasy and just realize that God will have to fill that void for me. I know He can if I let Him. Please pray that I can achieve this. Never give up. Never quit on yourself. Thanks, Byron
My name is Craig, I’m 22. I’ve been going out with this girl for almost 2 years and yesterday she broke up with me. At one point of our relationship I was the one who wanted to leave, but after seeing her tears and hearing her cry about why nobody wanted her, I couldn’t leave her like that. I knew exactly how she felt. Growing up, my parents were divorced and were never around. I always felt alone but I never fell into drugs, alcohol or getting in trouble with the law. The way I felt about my parents was, why don’t you want me? And when I listened to my girlfriends words, it brought me back to that same sadness. Taking a chance, I stuck around after my first attempt to drop the relationship. I always felt I saw something in her I know other people didn’t see and it wasn’t a physical quality. She was over weight, soft spoken and had self esteem issues. At fist glance I already assumed she wasn’t my type but, when we talked, the look she had in her eyes were so familiar I felt drawn to her. As our relationship progressed, I would encourage her to go to the gym, be active, be more assertive and realize the beauty in herself. In time she lost so much weight and her self esteem shot through the roof. I couldn’t believe it, she resembled a completely new person.
Life is a constant change and she ended up moving to Tallahassee for college. We were so committed, having a long distance relationship was no set back for us, at least that’s what I thought. After the move I noticed she started acting differently and I knew what it was instantly. With her new found look and attitude she felt she could do better then me. I felt duped. At first she wouldn’t admit it, but I questioned her yesterday in person, she had come down to visit her family. Even when we were together I felt the distance. So I asked her some tough questions and demanded the truth. She finally cracked and told me, she was bored. She said she wanted the single life, to go drinking with strange men and have casual meaningless physical relationships and it hurt me on the inside more then I could ever imagine. My best friend told me, “I don’t want you, I’m sorry but I don’t.” The energy it took me to get home last night, I have no idea where it came from. As I laid in bed, I prayed and prayed for sleep but my eyes were only closed. The emptiness was too much to bear and I wanted to cry but no tears would come. I was thinking of ending my life today but, I wouldn’t want my little brother to see me dead. I feel like I have no love coming into my life. I feel so drained. My ex has a large family with 10 brothers and sisters who support her so much and me, I have my dog. How much does a hug cost? I would’ve given all my money for one last night. Some people are so lucky and some remain restless and always wanting. If you ever pray think about me, it’s hard believing someone actually cares but maybe someone does. Thank you.
Hi Craig. I am so sorry to hear your story. You had high hopes for this relationship, but it didn’t happen. It can be very tricky to choose a partner and then to decide how to live life with them, giving all you have to them. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and its hard to understand and ccept and forgive and try again. I know how that feels. But. The good news is that Jesus is able to make lemonade out of the lemons that life gives to us. You have lemons right now. He can make wonderful, refreshing lemonade – not just for you but for everyone around you and even those reading your blog. Go for it. Put women to the side and focus on Jesus Christ. Get your inheritance. Become all you can become. Be all He made you to be. A much better relationship will come later when you are ready. God bless you, Mark.
Your story absolutly touched my heart and I am so sorry. Its so hard to be the one that is rejected, just be glad that it did not happen in marriage with kids and a lot of other things to show for itself and haunt you at the same time. God is good and everything has a purpose. People do care about you. People you dont even know will read this and you will help them not feel alone. I was one of them. My husband and I are on the verge of a divorce because he wants to live the single life and to be able to go and do as he pleases! I am always at home with two kids and never get that same oppertunity. It hurts me deeply. I am so sorry. Things will get better. Just be faithful through the storm and you will see the raimbow at the other side in time!
hi mark!
i came across your site yesterday and got to read some of your writings. i didn’t get the chance to comment yesterday because i needed to go somewhere and didn’t want to leave a message in a hurry.
anyway, i’m jen from the Philippines (hope you know where this is, hehehe!). before i go to my point, i want to give you some background on how i got to know Jesus.
i was in college when my friend invited me to attend a youth jam. I got curious on how these people live their lives without worrying about their academics where in fact we go to the most prestigious university in the country and how all the time they were happy. Yes of course, there was this factor of attending because there were cute guys there, hehe! As time passes, my motives became more pleasing to God I think. I became a small group leader and became part of the ministry. My life then was i think was on the right track until I graduated and started work.
When I started working, I still get to attend Sunday services near my workplace but was not an active part of it anymore unlike when I was in college. That’s when I felt my faith was slipping away but try (by the grace of God) to hold on to Him by having quiet time every night and every now and then to have fellowship with my Christian friends. But still with the environment I have in my workplace, it is very difficult for me to stand up for what I believe in. Most or all of them are not Christians so they do not understand some of my standards until I became one of them. I started to become satisfied with the love/pseudo love that this guy (co-worker) is giving me wherein we don’t have any commitment or something. I became so engrossed with it not knowing that it will leave me nothing but hurt. To make the long story short, I look for love in a man, got hurt because it was not reciprocated. That was the first time I get hurt so much in my entire life. I became bitter, try to look for other ways to forget the hurt and told myself i will never put myself into that kind of situation again. Would you believe me that I think I forgave him already for doing such act even though he did not know it? We’re still friends up to this moment. While trying to forget him, incidentally, there was a new job offered to me and grabbed it. I thought I was going to have a new life here but things got worse. The more I fight the more I got deeper with my problem (looking for love in men). I cannot tell you everything in here but the hurt I felt with this man is much greater than the former. I feel used, abandoned and unloved. I also feel condemned because I feel I sinned against God. I asked for God’s forgiveness and everyday try to tell myself that He already did that long ago. The fight in my mind is difficult to endure. I see this guy everyday in the office. I prayed to God to take away the pain and bring me back to Him. Every morning and every night I commit my mind, heart and soul to God.
I just want to thank God for using you/your blog to encourage me (and many others) somehow during this difficult time in my life. Thank you so much! I don’t have anyone to tell as of right now but rest assured I’m going to tell this to a friend in church whom I am accountable with.
Really, your blog helped me a lot……God bless you and your family. Continue to encourage more people around the world. Smile!
Jen
Hello everyone.. I was and still am born again.. A few years ago I fell into wrong choices, ended up in divorce and in the end lost my little girl who is now 18. I moved away, got remarried and I struggle with being accepted. I feel so empty still. I pray, I talk to God, I know he cares for me.. but I am hurt because my daughter has not spoken to me in a year. I struggle with sexual sins to this day and sometimes I feel so hopeless. I know the bible inside and out.. Frankly, I know God and his character as well… Why am I still struggling so terribly? I blame myself for the relationship lost with my daughter and the pain gnaws at me everyday like a cancer eating away my soul… I cant fix it. I have put it in Jesus hands but I remain so anguished… I feel like divorcing this man and moving back home to my first husband to this day still he adores me and is not remarried… I do not feel like I belong here but I dont want to hurt someone else… God help me
A lot of things going on in my life. I can’t find the right job. It’s either I can keep it but feeling really stress out that my mental or emotional health suffers or I can’t keep it because I’m not qualified. You said Jesus has a plan for my life. What? I want to know so I can make a move. I wish there’s a formula for a happy life.
These passed few weeks or make it years I keep thinking who to blamed for my misery. Myself, God or my Dad. I remember when I graduate from High School my grandmother wants to take me to USA but my Dad don’t want to because of his insecuries he said “My daughter might change and never listen to me and say give me freedom or give me death” so in other words I never have that chance go. In College, I want to study Computer Management he made me study Mass Communication but I failed my major so I have to shift to a History course as long as it’s liberal arts. Then when I was doing my thesis everything was fine until he didn’t like the idea of me traveling so I can finish my thesis, he ask me to change my topic so I don’t have to travel but unlucky I wasn’t able to finish anything because the Professor already approved my first choice the new topic is not good I can’t put myself to finish it. Then when I was about wasting time on a topic that I’m force to make because of dad, my dad decided I shouldn’t continue anyways he said “Women will just get married” and he said I have to manage the computer shop. Because of that I wasn’t able to graduate. computer shop closed because I turn it over to brother who mismanage it.
Thanks to my dad I wasted chances in my life because of his wrong decision. He’s my dad what can I do? I have to obey him. We trusted him for all his decision out of fear. If you don’t do it his way there will be trouble inside the house. He was the King of the house no one dare opposite him, not my grandmother, not my mom, not my siblings. When he died 8 years ago people are free to do what they want except me. I felt stuck with everything. My two brothers are graduates so they can have their dream jobs but of course they have their own family now so I know they can’t help.
I’m sorry, this is such a long comment. But I feel lost I don’t know what to do. I’m jobless our source of income right now is not so good. All my dreams are gone. I lost hope of making them come true. I been crying a lot and Don’t know if tomorrow will bring good news. I felt God just forgot about me.
I have lots of dreams. I dream some day that finally I can go to LA, work, live and marry there someday. But I doubt that God will make it happen.
I feel so tired. I just want to forget about everything. I can’t sleep at night, when I do go sleep I wish I never wake up if it’s a good dream.
I’m not asking for anybodies help because I know they won’t. I tried our pastor he just indirectly turn his back and just say “will pray for you” When people ask for my mom’s help or mine, we help them but when it’s time for us needing help no one wants to help. My older brothers promise that when they earn big or extra money they send me back to college to finish my studies but years pass nothing! I know they rather spend it on something else. So I don’t expect anymore from anybody even from God.
I want to runaway but I can’t I’m stuck, running away also needs money. My grandmother is already dead and relatives don’t care. It’s like everyman for his own. That’s why I become very distant to people. People are there for happy times when it’s trouble time, they can’t be found.
Hello,
I read this blog and it really helped realize something. I am only 14 years old and recently my mother divorced my father. I was really close to my dad. My mother always showed so much love towards my sisters and I. However, I have an empty feeling. I don’t know if it was from losing my father. I think it is because I got a different warmth from my father then I did my mother. And now that I hardly see him, I don’t have that extra warm feeling and it hurts. My mother doesn’t understand. I try explaining it to her but she still misunderstands. She basically thinks I’m depressed. And I know I’m not because I never was and I’m still not. Yes, and I totally agree with wanting a “warmth” hug because that is what I got from my father. I’m so lost and I want to find myself but it’s hard without my father. Thank you for this blog. God bless.
What do you do when your boyfriends’ ex girlfriend was a drug addict. Got him to do drugs. He’s a local doctor. She convinced him to do cocaine & crack. She sinced died & he continues to idolize her. As much as we try to understand there’s only so much that we’re willing to accept. When all of his friends go to the wake out of a courtesy to him, it’s so disprespectful to me. And i’m not sure how i should feel. please help.
What you have written there describes completely how I feel right now. And it’s slowly kiling me from the inside. I don’t have any suicidal thoughts or anything,because I know that this is not worth it, but I really don’t know what to do and how to act. I wish to be happy and to make others happy, too. I need help, so I could start.
But, just to let you know, it helps to know that there are other people who feel in a similar way, that I’m not alone.
Thank you for this post.
Best wishes.
x
I liked this site I want to love life again but its hard finding how I was a person who loved and was loved until I lost the last of my family recently my mum. I have no sister, no brother no parents. I tend to incline to thoughts like so what am remaining doing here?
Hi Mark,
Greetings from South Africa!
I am reluctantly writing to you as I probably know what you would say. Like many people who found your site, I was searching google, trying to see if I can get help for my problems. I am feeling that intense burning feeling inside of me, its far more than just emptiness. Its excruciating pain. When I get the attacks, i feel helpless, and, if its at night away from people, I cry myself to sleep. I grew up from a fatherless family, and mama was always away trying to get cash to send us to school. So, I grew up with granny, and suffered a lot emotional, and sometimes physical abuse. Interestingly all these years I never felt anything. But in 2002, when I was 23, out of nowhere the pain surfaced and I didn’t know what was happening with me. I just can’t find words to explain the pain Mark. Its eating me piece by piece. I have great friends who love me so much, but at times I just feel that they don’t love me. Perhaps I have a misguided impression of what love is. Well, if there is anything to feel, I don’t feel it. My second problem is that I’ve never, I MEAN NEVER, ever, had a meaningful relationship with the other sex (females). I am 29, and I desperately want to get married, but I just don’t love anyone. I don’t know how one feels when they love someone. I have tried to read about love, but as you would guess, so many people say so many different things about love, and I get confused all the more. I always lose interest in all my prospective partners, obviously with disasterous consequences and more hurt. I can never sustain a relationship. Don’t you think its very strange for that a 29 year old male has never had a successful relationship? I have never had a relationship that lasted more than six months? Please help, if you can, I am very desperate. I don’t even talk to my friends about my problems because I don’t know how to explain to them what my problem is, as I hardly understand it myself. I believe that I am a loving guy, in fact almost everyone around me think that im loving. I literally share my life with my friends and my family, but I don’t think I am getting the love back. My craving for me to love a woman, and to be loved back is deep, please help!
i am very much touched reading your article i think that is all i need to know. thanks is very encouraging
Thanks so much for your encouragement Theresa! May God bless you for your kindness – Mark.
I married for 8 years, have two lovely kids. I love my children ,
But I can’t love my husband at all and his family, I just feel so impossible to communicate with my husband. He is insecure inside, no feeling understanding, no romantic loveing express at all. in my mind he always love money perpoty, his son over me.He dosen’t sleep with me, I sleep along for eight years or just let my children sleep in my bed around me. we seperate in the same roof, I am upstair, he is down stair. there are so many unhappy things happen, we can’t respect each other, he always opposite with me when I educate my children. I feel so along in this dead marriage, it really hurt my feeling. I can’t accept his talking and thinnking, it is awful and not beautiful. I met a young guy who is so hansome, since that I can’t forget him in my mind, when I feel longly and empty or along in the night, I just think of him. eventhough I didn’t really know him or contact with him. I just feel I am dead person, I am so admire other girl has really partner but I never really have one in my life. I go to church, I belive Jesus, but I still along, along, along. Who can help me, who can really love me, no kiss, no hug no everything in this marriage. He hate have careless accident on car or other tiny things, he can’t share his anything with me, cars, money, From my husband’s mouth, I just heard yelling, unrespectful word, heartless, rude word. Last night because he keeping nagging to let children go to bed, I have a argument with him, he said he will cut me dead that the word like this. I have been hate this marriage, I have been hate this wrong choice, but because I came this country along, have low income job, I don’t have encourage to bring my children leave the house to living along. I still depend on him to pay for the house. He never go to the church with me, he even don’t encurage his son go to church with me. The person’s world is so narrow. When I stay with him, I never feel inspired and happy.
I have bad English, I can’t talk with anyone deeply or make friend even I want to. I have a devoice thinking for many years, I just feel I married with a stranger. i want to go, want to go, but where to go, I also don’t belive I can find hapiness again even though I deserve a husband who is loving caring understanding, supporting, give me deriction in my life. I deserve to be kissed, hugged, sleep together, eat together, open talking anything a really partner in my life.
I to thank you a ton for putting that mesage out on the Internet. It’s such a blessing. I did not relize the frist step to healing was to love myself and you have created a wonderful base platform for me to work on but I don’t know what to do next. Am I supost to find people that love me on a deeper level than a friend am I supost to find a good deep friend? My story and the reson I feelt empty was because of regection and with regection comes unkindness. So In response to the regection and unkindness I built my self a “wall” and isolated myself from others. The wall was mainly for the unkindness. My wall got so strong that someone could throw the most vulgar words at me and i would not efect me nor would I care. You could be thinking that to have that kind of wall would be great but it’s not when your the only one inside and there’s nobody to talk to or confide in. There was emptyness feeling then and like you said you used to fill it with worsiping a lot that’s what I did and still do but that fill dose not stay it leaves when you done worshiping. Tearing my wall down wasn’t easy. It took me 3 years to tear it down and about five to build it. What I plan on doing is rebuilding it but this time with people in it. What do you think about this? Should I rebuild my wall or no? What did you do after you finaly loved your self and found stuff you like to do and did them? Is there a next level? In closing thankyou for your time and for reading this.
Tim carlson
Hi Tim. Thank you for stopping by and for reading my posts. I don’t think rebuilding a wall is the thing, instead, learn about and build and maintain BOUNDARIES. Another thing that will help is to grow in your emotional understanding of things – and one way to do this is to read good Christian books about healing. Never forget that we are all fallen and you will never “arrive”. There is no group of healed people out there waiting for you to join them. There is no such group. We are all dealing with things all of the time. That’s how life it. It’s not just you, it’s all of us. The trick is to clean out the past and make good positive plans for the future. You will always be dealing with things, so they may as well be good positive things that you choose for yourself. God bless you! – Mark.
Thank you for writing this i read every word and it has been a real blessing for me today. i feel like i have enough strenghth to get through today. God bless you!
May God bless you too Richard! – Mark.
hi,
i was feeling empty and googled feeling empty.
i am 20 years old and have been feeling this way since i was
16. i have been hurt so badly by people i love that i dont
know if i will get over it. everytime i get close to people i
find a way to lock them out and push them away. i wake up sad and empty and alone. i dont understand why im feeling this way. what is the reason. i am always sad and its hard for me to concentrate in school. i am a fourth year university student writing the lsat exam december.
pls help me.
Thank you for posting this. I love how you emphasize finding and doing what you love, rather than finding out “who you are”. For such a vague idea, a lot of pressure is put on people to figure it out when really the most important thing is to be enjoying life, giving and receiving love, and doing what you feel is right. You have really thought about this, and your wording is very careful and very clear. Right now I am also in the process of learning to love myself and give myself the credit I deserve. It’s good to know from personal experiences that so many people feel the same way, and that even though it can take a long time it is possible to open up the walls while maintaining respect and protection for yourself.
I am at a crossroad right now. I have fallen in love with someone and have fallen out of love with someone as well. I feel so empty and alone. Reading this post have helped me feel much better. I was right in deciding to work things out on my own. This might take a while, but I know that every step I’ll take will be worth my while. I am going back to basics, I am going to start within me. Thanks for sharing this.
God bless you!
I feel the burn, it comes and goes and seems to pop up when I actually think about what I need and want, and know deep down that I can’t seem to find out where to get it. The only calm is to talk to god for me. cry to him and smile with him.
The thing I still worry about for myself is that it seems like I start to find out who am I. What I really enjoy, and once I get comfortable with the Love I ind, it runs and hides. irealy wish people could jusk ask for love from their significant others, but why is it so hard to get without so many explanarions that it means nothing in the end anymore. The fear is hard to repress that there is no way a mid twenty somthing person like myself will figure out what she wants. The balance with God and love, in all meanings of the word, like beauty everywhere, is illusive and seems so easy to start not beleiving in. This was a well written and inspiering essay. Thnxs for the realistic veiw! Love is so hard to come by and even harder to decide if iti si real. triles and tribulations adore some of the best of us don’t they.
I had a dream a couple of nights ago and I saw my ex, she was with another person. In the dream I was overcome by sadness and emptiness. when I awoke these feeling stayed with me.
I tried dating again when the relationship was over but, it always ends up the same, no matter how much the other person feel about me I can’t seem to let myself love back. How do I get rid of these baggage and learn to love myself?
I’m feeling this hole inside my feeling for a long time, long enough that it throbb inside, sometimes i can dump something so i cannot feel the pain, but… looks like it reach its boiling point i guess.
i don’t know what to say, but this feeling of empty just give me a lot of pain, i even can snap if i cannot control myself with head over heart.
the pain isn’t come from rejected or relationship case, cause i don’t have that kind of feeling.
i just wan to know, can i close the hole?
it acting bad and hurt like hell…… full of negative feeling, anger, urge to hurt others or destroying something.
i don’t know for sure, but it is getting bigger…
anybody know a solution?
i need them.
help me
Hi,
I really feel empty inside and I do not know who to turn to.
Nobody will understand what I am feeling so I stop talking. And it seems as though I have been pushing everybody that I know away.
I am trying to respect myself but at the same time I feel guilty for thinking for myself. Does anybody else feel the same way? I just thought that it is just the way I am and I have to accept it. There’s nothing that I can do about it.
But thanks for your words. It is as though you have went inside my thoughts and feelings and posted them up. It has been so long that I have been feeling this way and finally someone that understands what I am going through. I was never good at expressing my feelings and I find that it is because I didn’t know how.
I notice that many people found this blog by typing in “I feel empty inside”. That’s how I found it too. I fell into my depression by allowing myself to become emotionally involved with a man at work. We did not have a phsycial affair, but i allowed this man to capture my heart. We have since been transferred to different sections (not because of our relationship) at our work, so I see him very seldom. My husband is a wonderful man who has been on disability since 2005. My husband has multiple physical and emotional issues in his life that has led him to become disabled. I love my husband, but this man at my work really “saw” me as who I am and accepted me as I was. Every day, for a year, going to work was beautiful and completed me inside. I knew my emotions were moving into a sinful arena and I should have pull back, but I couldn’t. The love I was feeling from this man was unlike anything I had ever felt. This man is also married and we are both faithful to our spouses and feel very strongly about staying this way. However, when he was transferred, my heart broke in a way it never has before. I see this man about once a month for about 5 minutes as he passes through my new work location for meetings. It’s been almost 2 years since we parted, and my stupid heart is still broken over this emothionally sinful relationship. I have been doing the things you have suggested, but only since this past New Years. The good news is, it is working for me. Truly loving others as you would yourself is nothing short of a miracle in a person’s life. The power behind this must be Godly, because nothing else I’ve tried has begun a healing in me like this has. I’m still working on learning who I am and finding things to do with it. Thank you for your wonderful words of truth. I’m so happy to see so many others benefiting from it.
i completly understand you thank you for posting this online i read it and felt better i gues life not allways good to you hang in there i do thank you
-Christina lynn mcginley
hi again life flashes by you like a roller coster so hold on and open your eyes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi again my life like a roler coster i miss last year and my teacher i wish i could go back in time i fell so empty inside!!! im sapose to be the yong perfect girl im the yongest of five!! I DONT KNOW WHERE MY LIFE S GONE last year i stared lising to sad music that had messiges at first i thoght it was rather weird !1!!! i know the mesidge now i guss i should of chared last year now i miss every on and i dont know who i am !!!! i tyed felling empti and i found this thank you i fell a little beter know!!!
i feel so alone and dont know where to run!!!
WHAT SHOULD I DO???????
Hi Mark,
I just happened to stumble onto your website. Like most people here, I do feel empty inside. for most of my life, I have felt like I have been and outcast. I was always seperated and compard to my older sibling. Everybody paid so much attention to her and she was the family favorite. She even has baby pictures and I have not one. Graduation time, my mom always went to her graduation and never mine. I was the only kid there alone without any parents, but she always made my sister’s graduation. The abuse had started as early as I can remember, physical and emotional. My father was never around but when he did come around, he always wanted money or something that I could help him with. When I was a little girl, I always believed in my dad, but he never came through. Till this day, I have been in very physical and emotional abuse relationships. I have three beautiful kids and I take care of them by myself and I love them very much. I always find myself of going thorugh this cycle of the same kind of relationship; me just like my father who are physically and verbally abusive and don’t care about nobody but themselves. I pray and I read the bible but my problem is I really have to get out of the habit of boxing God in like he is just like every other man. I prayed to God and ask him to show me why I keep making the same mistakes and to show me a better me; what he sees, not what I see. My self esteem is at an all time low. I want to learn how to love myself and value myself more and know what REAL LOVE IS and the person that God mad me to be. Many times I tried to get it right but I constantly keep failing on this. While I lay in bed at night, I cry and ask God to hold me tight and don’t let go and jsut love me for me. That is the greatest feeling I ever felt that God showed up at my loneliest hour when I needed him. I never want him to let me go.
Wow.. before I actually read that I was feeling sooo bad, so empty, so sad, so unworthy… but right now, I’m feeling soo much better. Your words and advices cheered me up and I’m grateful for that.
Continue on writting like you do, it will help even more people as it helped me.
Thank you very much, and God Bless you.
Lily.
WTF !!!!! … If u ppl think sitting in ur room praying is gonna help …. Get a life … Go out .. Do somethin so that u feel good abt urself … I know its hard but we gotta fight … There is only one way out of this depression and thats da hard way … Praying to god aint gonna make a difference … Trust me jesus has no plans for your life .. Its all in your hands … And even if there is a god out there he aint gonna give a crap abt ur life unless you really do ….
So… as many of these people. I googled “feeling empty” and this is what I found. I am happy to find such a great page. both helpful and religious… It is a bit of a comfort to me. I have been in a spot lately. I am trying so hard to balance my life, I work and love my job, I spend time with family and constantly go do things that should help me feel better about myself and I still find myself in this same position everynight… Feeling so … empty and hideous… yet I know that I am blessed… I just don’t know what it is and why it wont go away? It keeps me awake at nite and just so alone.
thankyou for this, although the part of love your neighbour as yourself, what if you dont love yourself?
you love others and others love you, but you cant love yourself, that is my problem.
thankyou i will try the prayer though ‘lord i want to value myself as you value me’ i will try this, i believe in the power of intention so hopefully this i can try and believe and make it work for me.
I googled “feel empty inside” too. Thank you for writing what you have written, so much. It made me feel better. You’re helping people. Thank you.
Thanks for your informative discussion forum that I learn to understand it’s difficult to retain a relationship when a partner doesn’t even have any initiaitve to hold and assure you when he has done some silly mistakes talking offensively directly at me. I find our gaps drifted wider in each day though we had been together for almost 2 years.
I tried to ask him if he’s keen to go on a holiday with me in two weeks’ time and he said he couldn’t joined me as he has promised his dad never to stay in a motel overnight with me anymore. What a filial son he is, and he doesn’t realize what he has done telling me he’s not interested to go lurching me alone sitting next to him the whole night on my bus journey home. He didn’t even bothered to share with me his thoughts and mind, but only shifted the blame to me at the end of the day when he companied me home voluntarily. I had enough of the nonesense and pains enduring his senseless behaviours , and wanted to end this pain and misery. I feel very insecure believing in him anymore, and felt a withdrawn resistance to communicate with him either. He couldn’t bother to realize his own mistakes, and a pack of white lies to claim he would change his ways for me.
Mark, what should I do right now? I can’t even find a good reason to hear his empty compromise within a second or so . I find no tears worthy to drip down for a man like my partner too. What do you advise for me ?
I see I am not alone, I googled “feeling empty inside” and came across this page. I really could not figure out the feeling I have inside, it down right burns in my chest sometimes, but I was left so confused as to what was the root cause. This helped shed some light.
I am in a long running relationship with my girlfriend, but it’s so loveless for me and verbally abusive for years. I am just holding on because it’s all I know it seems. I have forgiven her for all that she’s done, but I’ll never forget. I just need to move on otherwise I’ll always have this void inside me.
I’ve always known something was missing from my life, I’ve been constantly search for something, but I never can seem to find it.
But for the first time in years I’ve been able identify what’s causing this empty/burning feeling in my chest. I do need find a way to love myself again and find someone I can share that love with. Thank you.
Thank you for writing such an inspiring article. I am currently going through a rough patch in my life and have spent a lot of time being sad and feeling empty inside. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. After reading your article I feel a little better, like it really is going to be okay.
This was inspiring. Its so hard wanting a dad, and seeing your friends connect with their father. Watching your mom struggle for years over money, abusive relationships etc. staying strong for her. And i am so relieved i dont have to stay strong anymore, i can finally let go. Give it all to him. On and off i have been close to God, but i wasn’t really, i was just caught up in the ‘church’ feeling. If you understand what i mean. Reading this helped me realize that he can be my best friend. He can be there for me when no one else will. After my friend passed away i thought he left, but i did. Thank you for showing me that. Truly, you have helped me more than you know. You’ve inspired me.
I cried when I read this Because I feel like this all the time, ever since I moved in with my dad 3 years ago he wouldn’t let me connect to people he always(still does) stops me. I can’t goto my friends houses to hangout with them they can’t come over, he resticts from the world and he’s met some of my friends and he knows they are good people yet he still restricts from going to see them unless its for educational purposes like school.
Can you give me some advice to get him to let up and let me meet people and be filled with love and not lonelyness. I pray to god but I need to be with people too. I always feel alone even when I pray. I’m 17 and graduated from High school and I don’t know how to get free from my dad’s control over my life. whenever I’m with a friend the feeling of emptyness goes away and I feel loved and happy.
Please give me some advice I really need it to be free and to have love.
its great to c that other people r feeling the same as me and i am not alone in these feelings. It is so hard to understand how u can feel so alone and so empty and that even around friends u can feel so alone and in your mind your sort of outside and a viewer of these people. I have been feeling so empty, worthless and pointless. I hold anger towards my parents, im angry at them for having a bad relationship and doing nothing to change it. Angry at my dad for denying an affair he had to this day when i know in my heart he had as i read the txt msgs the I love you’s and the I miss u so much and need u msgs. This frustrates me so much and the fact my mother wont do anything about it and he dares to treat her badly. How do u let go of that??? How do u have a relationship as that mans daughter when i know he loves me very much but i cant let it go. My brother has muscular dystrophy and sits in his room 24/7 he is 22 and has dropped out of college nearly 3years ago and wont do anything. Im angry about these issues as they refuse to resolve them. This all has made me empty and hurting. I cant accept my fathers love and my mother is very bitter and angry all the time and takes it out on me. I dont recieve love and am afraid to recieve love and remain single and cynical.
I am very aware of my emptiness and like others was having a sleepless night and typed felling empty inside into google and here i am. I was so loving to God when i was younger but somewhere along the way i lost my belief, probably when i lost the love i had been recieving as a child.
It has been a comfort to see this. You have helped make me begin to see that love cannot be bad, if it makes you feel good let it. Im going to try let God be my friend again, and perhaps my dad, and to begin to let go of my burdens. Maybe i can help my family do the same. One step at a time.
Thank you for this. It makes you feel not so alone afterall, i truly felt like the only person feeling like this like there was something wrong with me. Its hard but i feel God with me now through you
I’m suprised that God is leading me to love myself. I grew up having to work for love through being perfect, and feel guilty most of the time due to my imperfections. Loving myself, and being able to do the things I like, talents, is a gift.
I was googling feeling empty inside and I clicked at least 4 results before I came upon this blog type of thing which was this wonderful article. I read this article because I wanted to know what to do when I felt empty inside. I don’t have a sad abused story or having a real close person dying or anything like that, but I really related to where you say people may feel empty because they don’t feel nurtured. It really got me bawling when I read that babies sometimes die if they aren’t cuddled. This may sound weird, but I, at times. feel like a dying baby because I’m not “cuddled” very much as I wish to be. Especially since I love being hugged, it hurts me when I don’t get them at least once a day. I sometimes feel that emptiness or yearning in my heart area and never knew why I felt hurt there and for what reason I was crying or feeling sad and at those sad times I felt like I was burning from the inside out. I stopped going to church for a long period of time, but I still go to this Bible camp my church goes to and I absolutely love going there because in that camp you feel and see the love there for the people and they show me so much love and care and I’m not used to it so I don’t always react to it like I should. My parents are great people, but I hardly ever get to see them and they hardly ever give me hugs unless I ask them to and I just think it’s pathetic for me to have to ask for hugs. I always thought my rare sadness was because I never had a boyfriend and I would peg my emptiness on a random guy I thought would give me some sort of attention even if it was mean attention. Now I see what the emptiness was and I feel so stupid that I couldn’t find this out by myself and all those lonely night I’d cry myself to sleep because I thought something was wrong with me and now I realize it was just because I lack attention. God was the only thing keeping me from feeling totally worthless and purposeless because it says in the bible that we all have a purpose and that kept me up. Don’t think I don’t love myself because I do. I just think others don’t love me because I thought something was wrong with me and I couldn’t see it. Now I realize I just need physical love like hugs or kisses because I lack that and I want more of that in my life. Thank you so much for writing this and making my sadness go away. I love you for that. God Bless You!
i don’t have big troubles like people dying or cancerous stuff or car accidents or deformity or loss of limbs. yet i still feel empty.
everyday i go through the motions. i go online in hope of finding something fun or to cheer me up. i read books to keep my mind from being paranoid. i go out with my friends for company. i go to church every saturday.
when the internet seems to hold nothing more than peoples blogs that i have read, games that i have played, online shops to look at clothes, i feel lost.
when i finish a good book, i really wish that it didn’t end so my dream can continue . eg. stephanie meyer’s books.
when the day ends i go home and away from my friends, im alone again.
when i go to church, i feel convicted but into the week, i am lost again.
i don’t know how i am living so defeatedly as a christian. i can’t bring myself out. i don’t want to. im tired. its more comfortable here. i can’t do anything.
ps. i write this because i can stay anonymous . i ‘ve never admitted this to anyone, not my friends, especially not people at church. i don’t want to admit it. im being lazy and idiotic , its not something i need holy people to remind me , i just need .. ?
i don’t know what i need.
Felt empty, lost and confused, just typed the above name ‘i feel empty’ got this website. Inspiring, comforting and consoling. Just what l needed. ‘Ubuntu’
Thank for the hugs and kisses when l need them most.
I want you to know that I am going throught some bad things and that Satan is distroying my marriage. I am selfish, lonley, angry, hurt, and so many other things. My husband has cheated 7 times that I know of and he has been talking to another girl again and trying to hang out with her and drinking again. We have two kids and I dont want to lose my family, but he keeps flipping out and doing bad things and I had to put him in the psyc ward again to get him help for some violent acts. I do love this man. I want him to find God and to get help and I know that I ahve not shown him love, I know that I am not the only one to blame, but I have been so hurt that I have not loved him and he in turn has not loved me. I want him to be better and I have to learn to forgive and forget things, I keep just bringing it up and I cannot get over it and I do not want this to completely distroy my husband, my kids, or myself. I love them all. I am just having such a really hard time and I really need prayer. I think that this was really helpful. I do have to learn to love myself, my childhood was horrible and I cannot have my kids lives being like mine is now. Please please pray for me and send any insite if you can so that i can have more GODLY insite. I love my husband but I am beginning to believe that letting him go is the only way becasue he tears me down all of the time and is distroying me. I cannot handle it anymore! I miss him, but I want him to be a good man and he is not! Please if you have it inyour heart to please pray, my heart is hurting so much and i know his is, he has to miss his kids and has to miss his home. we both need help and i need help knowing what to do and how to move past this and he needs help making it stop! please please help my family, we have little girls that i want to make a better life for and i need you to know that i am willing to do anything to keep my family together and happy!
I feel so empty inside myself I feel as though I’m dead with no life.I have been baptised.and did give my heart to Jesus I pray and ask god for help and it like talking to a wall, I can get more out of my dog than God.Everything I try fails.I have no income..I have looked and looked for work.Now I do not know who I’am any more..I have tried to kill myself before because I did not want to live like this.I’m already dead inside.I do not even know what Loves is any more, and all the church and tv mistery think of is SOW seed and you life will change BULL CRAP.I’m to the point I just do not care any more..and when i ask for help i get aaaah we do not do that any more. I ask chruch I use to got to for some moey for gas to get home on some time ago.I payed tithes to that chruch for 4 yrs.they dam sure dont mind ask people for a DONATIONA.whebn i was 4 year old I was molisted by a man where was GOD.and hear i’am 46 yrs old and no better than i was at 15.where is this God that i put my trust in.DEAD INSIDE where God at now NO WHERE
I feel so empty inside myself I feel as though I’m dead with no life.I have been baptised.and did give my heart to Jesus I pray and ask god for help and it like talking to a wall, I can get more out of my dog than God.Everything I try fails.I have no income..I have looked and looked for work.Now I do not know who I’am any more..I have tried to kill myself before because I did not want to live like this.I’m already dead inside.I do not even know what Loves is any more, and all the church and tv mistery think of is SOW seed and you life will change BULL CRAP.I’m to the point I just do not care any more..and when i ask for help i get aaaah we do not do that any more. I ask chruch I use to got to for some moey for gas to get home on some time ago.I payed tithes to that chruch for 4 yrs.they dam sure dont mind ask people for a DONATIONA.whebn i was 4 year old I was molisted by a man where was GOD.and hear i’am 46 yrs old and no better than i was at 15.where is this God that i put my trust in.DEAD INSIDE where God at now NO WHERE..
I am very very sorry that you feel this way. Do not give up. There is a happy life that you can lead. Please try reading and understanding this post that I wrote: http://achristian.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/breaking-out-of-empty-and-hollow-feelings-design-your-life/
If you can read that and see how you came to be unhappy, you might be able to see how to change and become happy… and remember that it is one step at a time. You are His child, I know He will help you.
God bless you,
Mark.
Hi mark,
This is a beautiful write up, I googled what God says about feeling empty and i came across your site. Am going to apply what you have said to my presentg situation and I know I will get results. Infact an feeling better just by typing this post.
I taught I knew it all and all I had to do to overcome my present feeling of emptiness was to pray to God, read my bible and go to church. But u made it clear that I have to love myself, give myself boundries and enjoy doing the things I love.
I really appreciate you for sharing this with me and what is so beatiful about this post is that you wrote it in 2006 and it is still makes sense 3 years after.
God bless you sir
It’s is my greatest pleasure to hear that what I went through is bringing joy and healing to you and others. Thank you for being generous with your time to tell me your feelings.
God bless you!
Mark.
Jesus, I ask you to pour out your Spirit upon this one. Blessings upon blessings.
Thanks!