Why does the bible say to love yourself?
“Love yourself”. Did you get a negative reaction inside yourself? Did the word “egotistical” come to mind?
I didn’t mean be self-centered, I meant: respect yourself, protect yourself, care for yourself. And do you know what? It’s OK!
The bible says to love yourself:
- Leviticus 19:18 (OLD Testament)
“Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but love your neighbor as yourself.
- Matthew 19:19
Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “ - Matthew 22:39
A second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’
- Mark 12:31
The second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
- Luke 10:27
The man answered, ” `You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
- Romans 13:9
For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting–and any other commandment–are all summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Galatians 5:14
For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” - James 2:8
Yes indeed, it is good when you truly obey our Lord’s royal command found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Hurt people, who have had little or no love in their lives sometimes read the bible and see only the anger of God, or they see the self-depreciating language and then decide that it was God’s will that they were not loved and that somehow a God of love thinks it’s ok that they were disrespected in their lives.
I remember clearly when the truth fell “into” me and I suddenly understood that my parents were meant to love me – that was their role in my life. Because they didn’t fulfill their role properly DID NOT mean that God thinks it’s ok for me to go through life without love.
I cried, because I understood that so much of my self-awareness and awareness of God was flawed – I had discovered that He loves me and He wants the best for me… and that my past experiences were not what He had in mind for me. Nor for you!
Some people might think that we should love others and we should quietly disrespect ourselves. If we do this, what message would we send to the people around ourselves… that they should disrespect themselves? But I thought we were loving them and building them up?
How can we have love for them if we do not respect ourselves?
Do you know these sayings?
- If a child grows up in an environment of criticism, the child will learn to criticize.
- If a child grows up in an environment of hate, the child will learn to fight.
- If a child grows up in an environment of shame, the child will learn to feel guilty
If you are critical, if you’re ready to fight, if you always feel guilty… then those saying can give you an insight into what your home life might have been like.
But it’s not all lost. There is still time to grow and heal… these sayings might give you an insight into how to go forward in your life:
- If a child grows up in a praising environment, the child will learn to appreciate.
- If a child grows up in an encouraging environment, the child will learn to be confident.
- If a child grows up in an environment of understanding, the child will learn to be patient.
- If a child grows up in a just environment, the child will learn to be fair.
- If a child grows up in a secure environment, the child will learn to trust.
- If a child grows up in an approving environment, the child will develop self-esteem.
- If a child grows up in an environment of acceptance and friendship, the child will learn to find love in people.
If you already have those characteristics in your day to day life, then that’s wonderful. But for the rest of us, we can think about how to change our environment and then see ourselves change.
Is it too late? Are we too old? No. Inside of us we might actually be feeling and behaving like lost children – so it’s not too old to grow up into strong men and women of God who have kindness and trust and love to give to the people around us!
If we will love ourselves, if we create in our world a feeling of praising, encouraging, understanding, security, approval, acceptance and friendship – then it makes sense that as we grow up into our manhood or womanhood… then we will in turn become appreciative, confident, confident, fair, trust, we will have good self-esteem and we will be able to find love in the people around us and TO GIVE LOVE to the people around us.
So then, in order to love those around us, we must first love ourselves. In order to recover and heal, we must love ourselves.
This is the very first place you can begin to find love: yourself.
When you have begun to respect yourself, have good boundaries for yourself, when you get to know what you like and enjoy and DO those things – that’s when life get’s a whole lot easier… and that’s when you can turn to another hurting person and lead that person to heal and life.
If you want to read more, I recommend these posts as well
- Seeing the truth, accepting, forgiving and recovering
- God has a plan to prosper you… what to do while you wait
- What to do when you’re feeling empty inside
God bless you! I hope you leave a comment and share yourself, learn from others and grow.
Thank you for this insightful study!
God bless
Maria in the UK
http://www.inhishands.co.uk
Praise God for leading me to this and showing it to me. I’m not out of the woods by any means, but I’m hopefully nearing the edge!! Bless you Maria!
It took me 20 years to do this truth, Mark. That’s why I got into so much rebellion-because I couldn’t love myself. Hate and love are so close together, you see. Thanks man.
Hi John. When I think about WHY God allowed you and I (and others) to go through this, it’s because He wants us to help others. If we didn’t go through it, how could we be compassionate and understand what people are experiencing? – Mark.
Good words.
Hi Toby. Yep, good words. – Mark
Hi Mark!
Thank you for your posts, they’re very helpful. I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and I’m trying to start my own too.
I put a link of your blog on mine – is it ok with u? You can check http://saldanmar.blogspot.com/ and if you want me to take it out, pls let me know.
God Bless! Maria
Hi maria. Thanks for your comments. You’re welcome to link to me (no need to ask). – Mark.
WOW!!!! Thanks so much for this insight. It is not amazing how God speaks to us through others …..it just is his loving, generous way…..
Gods many Blessings to You!
Hi Cheryl – I’m very glad you were blessed. – Mark.
this is wonderful to know, because I have been very confused on this. and this really helped me to understand!
thank you and God Bless
Greg
Hi Greg – God loves you and He wants you to have an abundant life (John 10:10). Don’t let any religious person steal that promise from you. He wants you to be blessed SO THAT you can bless others. – Mark.
Great post. I am going to link to it. May you have a great year.
Thanks for the kind words Manny. 2007 is looking good! Bless you.
Hey, i’m from Malaysia. Came across this very interesting entry you wrote and I am encouraged by it. Will be sharing with my youth group this sunday. haha.. even a post last year can make a difference. As our God, the same, past, present and future!
Thanks!
All the best with your sharing on Sunday Jason! God bless you – Mark.
Thanks a Lot
My pleasure Charles. May God bless you – Mark.
I’m hoping to do a talk for a youth service in July about self-image and came across this webpage during my research. It’s an interesting new perspective and has certainly inspired me, especially when you responded to John M. Kenney’s comment about how we are sometimes put through a lot, but in the end it helps us connect with others through our experiences for the glory of God. it’s good to see these things from different perspectives.
thankyou!
take care and God bless you.
Hi Jo (UK). I’m glad this helped. I have a few other posts that speak about the same thing. If I can help you in any other way, please let me know. God bless you as you help the youth. – Mark
Sorry to start of quite pesimistic but I believe that Self Hate/Self Shame is the Devil telling us what we have done wrong, e.g. “Oooo you cant do that, that is sinning”. The Devil then uses this to support little lies that he can tell you, e.g. “But last week you did this and that is horrible, which makes you a horrible person”. And he is slightly right. We are all horrible people, as in we all turned against God and tried to do it our way (Romans 3:10 – 12). BUT if the Loving God does see us as horrible people WAY DID HE SEND HIS ONLY SON TO SAVE US (practically most of the New Testament and what the Old Testament tells us about). If He did hate us He would smit us like swatting a fly, but a lot easier and faster. GOD IS THE ONLY ONE TO FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH HE LOVES US. To Him we are beautiful and special and to deny that is to deny God and who would want to enrage the one who controls everything?
Also, if you truly love God you love all three parts of His Trinity (The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit/Ghost) and you would also love where-ever any of the three are. And, in 1 Corinthians 6:19 it says that we, HUMAN BEINGS, are the temple of the Holy Spirit, so again, to deny yourself is to deny God.
Final little word, EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL AND SPECIAL IN THERE OWN INDEPENDANT WAY. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYONE AND HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. IF YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DIE UNMARRIED IT WILL HAPPEN HAPPILY BUT IF HE WANTS YOU TO GET MARRIED, YOU WILL GET MARRIED (the idea of love in marriage is just an example there as that isnt the only thing people with self shame/self hate have). God loves everyone, we just need to open our eyes, see why and stop listening to the devils lies about us.
ANYWAY, that was suppose to be a comment not an essay.
God bless
Nick
Hi Nick, thanks for sharing. Yes the bible says: God loved us BEFORE we were saved… so how much more does He loves us now that we’re reunited to Him as His kids? It’s so cool. We should not let low self esteem and abuse affect how we think of ourselves in relation to Him. In spite of our problems and sins and addictions, GOD LOVES US and wants the best for us. God bless you! Mark.
I have learned how to respect myself, the only thing missing was the grudge i held against my mother. Today i spoke with another christian and it came to me that i need to stop having a hard heart against my mother, due to my child rearing and teens. I noticed that i would respect everyone else, but i’m forgeting to love my mother. I called her and talked about some things that are bohtering me, however, i truly told her that “i love her very much with all my heart” and i began to cry. after the phone call, i realized how cold hearted i am with my mother, with tears pouring out. I’m not looking at things she does or have done and how they have been for now on, for Jesus has broken my hard heart toward my mother, and i will “show her the respect and love she deserves.” Please Love Your Mother, she’s the only one you have..
Thank you for the insight upon loving yourself. I have been struggling with that lately. The boundary of caring for and about myself and being self centered is a fine line to walk upon. This has greatly encouraged me.
This is a very good post. I am enjoying looking around your blog. Its a breath of fresh air from God everytime I come across a chrisian blog that speaks truth. Thanks for that!
Thank you. This is exactly what I was searching for. I was in a horrible marriage for 13 years and lost every part of myself, trying to love others before me. I am now divorced but it was very recently I was told by a loving friend about the commandment to love myself. I am working daily at keeping this thought foremost in my mind and finding small ways to love myself. It is a slow process but it seems to be working and I am finding myself again. Thanks.
Mark,
I’d like to offer a slightly different perspective. Is it possible that the command, “love your neighbor as yourself” is not prescriptive (i.e., a command to love yourself) but descriptive (a realistic acknowledgment of the fact that all of us fallen human beings naturally love ourselves above all others)? In these verses, God might be saying, “Just the same way you’ve loved yourself, focused on yourself, made yourself the center, considered yourself as very important, desired the best things for yourself, fed and clothed yourself – in just the same way, do these things for others.”
On the other hand, I believe the Bible does teach us that we should love our own souls, but not in the “love your neighbor as yourself” verses. I find the affirmation of a proper self-love in these Proverbs:
Pr 19:8 He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good.
Pr 29:24 He who is a partner with a thief hates his own life; He hears the oath but tells nothing.
When we do things that are not in the best interest of our souls, we are truly hating ourselves in a sinful way. When we do what is good for our immortal souls, we love ourselves in a righteous way. But these are not commands to become more selfish or to love our lives “in this world.” Those approaches, I believe, are a hindrance to our sanctification and ultimate happiness in God.
As I said, this is a slightly different perspective, and I hope it’s encouraging to you! Thanks for tackling what could possibly be a very controversial topic without flinching.
Grace & Peace,
Derek Ashton
As I was reading this article, I thought it was wonderful, and thoughtful, and made me feel good (except for the part about criticizing your kids makes them critical- I am guilty of this and am trying to be less critical, pray for me – or maybe my kids. This part of the article stung me a little, and I deserved it). Here’s the big “but” – something seemed a little skewed or maybe a little out of balance. “Loving myself” seems to be a bit contrary to the gospel message. 2
Tim. 3, for one example, or how Jesus, Paul, and the apostles used God’s law to show us our true nature. That we are have an inherent sin nature. That while we were sinners we were enemies to God. I see largely too much self love in this world. It is when we see ourselves as he sees us – as hopelessly lost and with no hope of saving ourselves and not deserving salvation that we get the glimpse of true love. In spite of our love for ourselves he died for us. We were haters of God, deserving eternal separation from Him. Derek Ashton kind of hit it out of the park. I thought he was right on.
I have to agree with Derek. Also, the path to healing, recovery and loving others is NOT in loving ourselves. It’s in loving GOD. When He opens our eyes and saves us, we can now see ourselves as wonderful creations and see others the same way, too. But true healing and love for others will never begin with ourselves. Who needs God then?
Hi Lynn.
Extremely hurt people may have developed a hard heart towards God and as a result they may not even perceive or be able to feel Him. I know this from my own experience. So receiving love from Christians around us can help to soften our heart, soften to the point where we can perceive Him and respond to Him. I think that is why Love is considered greater than Faith or Hope. God showed His love to the world and commanded us to do the same to the people around us.
May God bless you! – Mark.
First i like to say i really enjoy this site, and thank you for sharing alot of your experiances with me. In so many ways i can relate to so many articles on here, especially the first article i read here which is “whoever is the greatest is the least”.
My question about this article is creating boundaries, im not very good at creating them. My only boundary is keep giving till you expect something in return. I mean theres a fine line between hoping for something and expecting something, and when i start expecting i stop giving, because i know theres a good chance i might sin after that. i do come out of a lot of situations very sad though since my hopes didn’t come true. Does that make me a selfish person? Am i not setting my boundaries propely because i come out sad?
One of the best quotes i’ve read about loving yourself is to look out for the common good, because that is what is best for the individual good.
i would like to thank you for writing this post. I think a problem that some people have is that they do help others, but they don’t really like who they are? Their mind keeps telling them are are sinners- ok we are sinners… but we must strive to be more Christ-like- to be a saint. And i think the first step is accept and love who you are- then you can love others and learn to understand them more.
To learn to love who you are is accepting how God made you to be.
Okay, I read Jesse’s response and I got a little upset. Nothing against you personally Jesse, but I think alot of people do need to hear something encouraging. I have recently been diagnosed with major depression and am trying to finish my last quarter at college. I have problems saying “no” to ppl and have actually failed classes bc I felt too guilty to take care of my own academic needs, and have helped others before myself, and things even got the point where I started feeling guilty for wanting to do Illustration (since art can be materialistic). I am trying (very hard) to overcome intense feelings of guilt and anger towards God, from several issues I would rather not get into bc trust me, alot of ppl prob WILL judge me. I think there is a huge difference between being self-caring and self centered, and I feel like I am starting to learn this. It makes me very angry when ppl say that seeing a psychiatrist is wrong, and all they do is coddle their patients. NO. If they do that is not a good psychiatrist. Mine has taught me to take responsibility for my actions, and to think about positive choices I can make that will benefit myself, and be honest with others, yet polite and sympathetic. If you are angry at someone why lie about it and say no? You can talk about it in a polite way without whining and settle the issue. I’m pretty sure Jesus said something like if someone sins against you and they ignore you several times when you confront them in a mature way, then you shouldn’t worry about dealing with them. Not that you should never do nice things for them ever again, or be condescending (of course!), but you shouldn’t let them take advantage of you. I’m pretty sure Paul says something about this when hes speaking out against those who are lazy, and don’t do things for themselves, which was me many times too. I dont want to be super negative, but people need to realize its okay to take care of yourself, but even if you are depressed you shouldn’t be rude to others and use it as an excuse to blow ppl off, and you should help when you can, just not in a way that will destroy you like I have in the past. You should love others, but YES, its okay to be kind to yourself. We should wake up every morning and count our blessings, or things we like about ourselves physically, mentally, whatever. I’m beginning to feel God in my life again, bc I have been able to control my reactions (especially angry ones) towards others, and not to take things that ppl say so seriously. I’m still not 100% and prob wont be for a while, but thats okay with me; I try my best everyday to help others in need, be kind to others and listen to them when they need my help, to be honest with others when I feel they have taken advantage of me, and I several of my relationships with others have improved tremendously bc of this. If you’re depressed and reading my comment, even though its kinda late and very stream of consciousness, don’t be afraid to seek help bc you are worth it and you are a unique and special creature, and the world needs you.
Very eye-opening site: daughtersofnarcisisticmothers.com (search for terms if I misstyped please.) Hope it helps someone! It helped me greatly.
Oh, and p.s. before someone jumps all over my last sentence, I wanna say that God has created all of us to be unique, and complement each other, and it is all part of his divine plan, so yes, the “world” does need us bc it needs God’s love and we can share it.
Thank you so much for your blog.
I just recently was taken to the ER for uncontrollable head spasms. Well they found nothing wrong – and I made visits to 4 other doctors (without any health insurance due to my own irresponsibility and lack of self confidence). All of them told me nothing was wrong.
It’s so frustrating and hopeless. Besides multitudes of physical symptoms, I feel emotionally and spiritually dead. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’ll wake up tommorow.
I’ve really tried to reconnect with Jesus, and lift my transgressions up to him. But I feel like he’s doesn’t want to bother with me anymore. I have come to realize that I’ve been in self-denial. I’m a negative, selfish, depressing, pessimistic person who hates themself so much and doesn’t seem to know how to love people in return.
I want to change, but I don’t know how to process it or accept it. My mind is so strong and I end up struggling internally over and over from the guilt and shame of feeling forsaken (and rightfully so) by God.
“Hurt people, who have had little or no love in their lives sometimes read the bible and see only the anger of God, or they see the self-depreciating language and then decide that it was God’s will that they were not loved and that somehow a God of love thinks it’s ok that they were disrespected in their lives.”
That quote almost made me choke. I thought I had atleast some love in my life (coming from an extremely broken and continually breaking generations of family). Sometimes I wonder if I could ever love myself. I don’t know if I ever have, where to start, or if I’d be doing it right.
i just want to add this-you cant love others if you dont love yourself and neither can you love God if you dont love yourself. you can only give what you have. if you dont love yourself you definitely cant love others. the bible says love yur neighbour as youself. meaning if you shouldnt love others more than yourself and this is not pride. being a lover of one self (as the bible refers to self-centerdness/pride) is different from loving oneself. the bible says God is love. everything He does/did He’s done out f love. if there is no love in Him He couldnt have possibly done them. so if we are truely His image we must love the way He loves not less. I’m going through certain things myself and this write up has really helped me.
I praise the Lord for directing me to your site, as I begin to wonder if this is part of the reason why society (besides their not ’seeming to’ want to know about God, Jesus, or ‘their’ Word) is the way it is today? I work at a day care (Christian run) where one of the co-workers has a ‘heavy’ drinking problem (she’s also about to be let go because the Director has prayed for and with her, but the woman does not seem to want to change. ‘She’ doesn’t think she has a problem but we know that she does.), but you can most definitely see other more deep-seeded cries for help, where abuse and other ‘issues’ have gotten a foot-hold in her life.
She ‘attends’ church, but I’m not actually sure (I will be speaking wth her sometime this week) if she takes God, Jesus, or the Word for what they’re meant to be in her (and our) life. She lives with a mom who also drinks, and a brother who’s known to be abusive, and unfortunately her much younger sister (this woman is 55 and her sister is 11 years old) sees this going on day in and day out.
I’ve been wondering if she loves or even cares for herself at all? She can be caring and go out of her way to help, but more times than others, she’s very loud and critical, and snaps at the children at the drop of a hat (another part of the alcoholism? Which “will not” be allowed to go on any longer). The Director will be letting her go asap, in the hope and prayer that she will finally wake up and get the help that she needs, and I pray this will be a final ‘wake-up’ to make her call on Jesus.
I also pray that she gets to ‘know’ Jesus for herself and looks deep within to know that she can lover herself, in order to turn her life around with Christ’s help.
I have no problem to love myself and am willing to love my neighbors. But how can I love them as much as I love myself in the literal sense that in whatever I do for myself I should do the same to them? If that is the case (which I believe it is), I’ve found that the commandment is so difficult to follow. When I love my wife and my kids (as I love myself), I am willing to buy expensive things (car or house) for them as much as I buy for myself. I’m OK with that. Yet I cannot rationalize buying something that cost me too sacrificially for my neighbors. Please help me to understand.
how will you be able to do a JOB if you do not have self confidence. since there are millions of people looking for a job right now, how will a person get a job when he does not project self confidence. will he ever get hired when the interviewing manager or human resource personnel can sense a person does not have self confidence.
the church always points to christ confidence & not self confidence ( S I N the middle of sIn / prIde is I. )what is that & how will that help people when they are in a job interview. employers do not ask for christ confidence but hire employees with people with self confidence.
Your interpretation of the this verse is NOT how itis written in Greek. This popular rendition of the verse is mainly influenced by psychology and modern therapy. By contrast, if you consult the lexicon and read it as it says, is simply a way of saying: ‘put yourself in the shoes of another”. The word is Greek is ὡς “as” as in the use in similies; “he swims LIKE a fish” or “she is as bright AS a button, “love your neighbour LIKE/AS yourself” … ie view that neighbour in the same way as you view yourself. It is another way of saying: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. We do not need to “love ourselves” because God loves us.