I have tried and tried and tried – but 2 decades on I have not walked in the intimacy I have read of in the bible. David, Moses, Jesus – these guys had intimacy. It’s there for me too… why couldn’t I find it? Why couldn’t I find more people around me who had it in a real and repeatable way?
Like so many millions of other Christians, I’ve read countless hundreds of great books, listened to many leading speakers and I’ve diligently done what I read in the bible. If the bible said “jump”, I said “how high?”.
These are all good things, but the promises didn’t come.
I’ve tried loving others (great command), evangelism (great comission), prophecy, resting in Him, having (blind) faith, being dependant on Him, partnering, doing more, doing less, trying to always be led by His voice, submitting to authority (even when they are hurting me)… and countless other things.
These are all good things, and no doubt I grew in favor with God for giving it my all… but the fruit of the promises didn’t come. I’m a simple guy. If you say you’ll give me $10 and you don’t… I’ll notice. If someone says they have $10 and they don’t… I notice. It’s called integrity and honesty.
Now my prayer is simply “Lord Jesus please reveal Yourself to me. Make me like You. As I believe in You, I will become like You and I will gradually be made ready for Your service, to walk like You. Please reveal Yourself to me“.
I feel no pressure to perform, because I am asking Him to lead me. I feel no pressure to discover anything, because I trust Him to show Himself to me.
If He slips away from me and I lose that sense of awareness I simply pop off a prayer for Him to reveal Himself to me, because without Him helping me, I’m separated again and I don’t like that. He feels like a security blanket in a way. If He is near, then His light drives away all darkness – literally. His presence is the key to a better life – and all my striving in this world could not achieve it. It’s almost like I had to learn to recognise Him… and that’s revelation. He is the only source of revelation.
I don’t expect perfection to be around the corner. I know that the life I had before was broken and incomplete and I know it still is broken and imperfect now. I will be broken and imperfect until I die.
But it’s my job to use what I have, even if it is broken and imperfect, because it’s all I have. (As He gives me more I will use that too!)
As He reveals Himself, I will change. That’s what happened at salvation. Paul says the sign of salvation is a changed heart and changed behaviour.
My natural response to the revelation of my Creator and Saviour will be to change my behaviour. This is not my plan, I won’t try and make it happen. I’ll just live, looking after myself, loving others, using what I have, while wanting and asking Him to reveal Himself to me. That is what will change me.