I had prayer with a trusted person. We focussed on seeing a complete end to the spiritual difficulties that I’ve experienced so far in my life. I felt there are three things to deal with:
- Spiritual problems
- Emotional damage
- Immaturity, lack of experience, stunted growth
Ok, I’m being a bit harsh on myself by saying those things. I’m a normal nice guy who gets plenty of attention. I’m chubby. Ok… I’m fat. But hey… I’m a good guy and the ladies seem to like me. I have struggled terribly in my life and I’m gradually coming out into the “wide open spaces” that I keep quoting from The Message Bible.
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. – Romans 5:1-2
So… based on some scriptures we prayed:
When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind… – Mark 5
The man was a complete wreck of a human being but Jesus set him free. He was now:
- healed and dressed
- put into his right mind
- told to go home to his family
- told to share what had been done for him
This is cool. I wanted that for myself and I felt I could have it. I’ve had lots of “layers” of this, but I had had enough of unbiblical “layers”. That man had gotten free of worse than me and Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
We prayed and stood firmly on the new covenant and the spiritual freedom that Jesus has brought and made avaialble… if we will believe. I do believe.
After the prayer I felt tired, like I have noticed that people do after getting freedom. I knew that He can heal emotionally and heal spiritually – but what He won’t give me is an identity and practical/social experience which is needed for good social relationships (for example marriage requires a lot of ability and skill). I knew that this aspect would not be instantaneous. Spiritual freedom and healing can be immediate, but emotional growth and the gaining of experience comesday by day. It’s a process, like the process of being remade into His image. It takes time.
We had also prayed that I would be restored into the right image, the image He has of me.
Today I can see that I am struggling with an emptiness inside of me, which has been there for a long long time. But what’s truly amazing is that today I am getting revelation about where it came from, how it works and how to undo it. Woohoo! The bottom line is this: it came from the lack of love and lack of respect given to me (by abuse or neglect). How to fix it? Through the restoration of love and especially the restoration of my own identity and my own self respect.
Take a look at this writing
“What is normal and natural in romantic relationships in this society is for a person whose primary fear is abandonment to get involved with someone whose primary fear is being smothered/losing self.”
As I read that, I could clearly see how getting my own identity (not an identity based on a fear of something) would resolve both issues. I could see myself becoming a walled city! Yay! If I can build up my identity, then I will no longer be an emotional chameleon, no longer in reaction to people and situations.
The solution and the healing is right where I need it, just where I can reach it. Inside me! It’s the result of my growth, my choices, my identity of God and my chosen identity of myself. Quite simply, if I just continue to work on:
- finding me,
- discovering what I enjoy doing,
- intentionally and actively doing those things I enjoy,
- planning for fun – and then having fun
- planning for success – and then having success
- learning about my boundaries,
- learning about other people’s boundaries,
- enforcing boundaries in the relationships I have, and
- gathering experience about the norms in society, and
- living within those norms where possible.
If do these things, bit by bit, I will come out tops. So will you.
Spiritual freedom through the wonderful new covenant that Jesus made available for us (He said: “fear not, I have overcome the world!”). BUt spiritual freedom is only the start. It’s like opening a door out from a jail cell. Now we have to walk out!
Do not accept the life of being stuck in your home. Do not accept the life of seeing the enemy beat you around year after year. Do not accept the life of anything less than what Jesus died to give you – an abundant life. Even if God is taking you through a barren and testing time, we can still be overcomers and still have joy. The disciples got beaten with rods and rejoiced! What did they know that we don’t?!
First get the spiritual freedom through His death on the cross. Then walk out of that jail and get the emotional freedom by finding your true self and then living your life to the full.