What to do when you’re feeling empty inside

· by · in Healing. ·

Hello.

I wrote this way back in 2006. I have managed to completely turn around my life. I did it through Jesus Christ. I studied Him and what the bible has to say about us and our lives and His headship of us – and I blogged it all on here for you. Please read my testimony (very short version).

More recently I wrote the following posts and I think it will help you if you want to understand why you are feeling empty inside…

But now… on with the post you came here for…

Before I can explain how I recovered from feeling empty, let me explain WHY people feel empty. I want to explain how we get hurt and how we get healed.

The cycle of hurt and healing

Getting hurt and finding healing looks basically like this:

  1. Hurt comes from a lack of love (abuse, rejection, lack of care or nurture etc.)
  2. The restoration of love is what heals us
  3. But for a very hurt person to find healthy love can be very hard, so the initial source of love must be from ourselves!

How we get hurt

We get hurt in our lives. Hurt comes from a lack of love – quite often as we are growing up. A lack of love can come in many different forms such as sexual abuse or rejection or having family that doesn’t nurture us. This forms a scar that can last for a lifetime. The scar feels like emptiness inside. Feeling empty inside is another way of saying that I feel alone or lost or like I don’t have the warmth of love inside.

The rest of this post explains all of this in much more detail with lots of biblical evidence.

God has a better plan – it won’t be like this forever

I have spent most of my life feeling SO empty inside that I had NO IDEA what the warmth of love is like. As I spend time here with my family in the UK, as I sit with them, I actually feel a warmth flow over me. It’s an unbelievable feeling. I don’t recognise it, but I know it is a very very good feeling. The day is brighter, the sun feels like it’s shining on me – just me! Everything just feels good.

Is this why Jesus commanded us to love one another? May be read my post on One anothering

How we recover from emptiness inside

If we became hurt because of a lack of love, then finding love from the people around us is how we will recover. It sounds easy, but it takes time and patience to do it. But it works. Oh it works so well!

Love can come to us in many ways. Love is respect, it is kindness, it is patience, it is all the fruits of the spirit. Now, it would be great if you could just go up to someone and say “please could you love me, I need love”. But in our society that doesn’t happen.

Do not underestimate our need for love

The thief (satan) comes to destroy, steal and kill (by warping society with abortion, divorce and emotional hurt) while Jesus came to teach us about love for one another and about God’s intense love for us.

It is well known that babies must be cuddled, otherwise they can die. In hospitals people are emplyed JUST to cuddle babies!

Emptiness and the burning feeling

Burning is a more intense feeling that emptiness for those who don’t know. The burning feeling inside sometimes felt so bad sometimes that it felt like molten lava flowing inside me. This is a very severe sign of a lack of love. I’m wriitng this so that if you feel this way, I want you to know that I KNOW how it feels, that you’re NOT alone… and most especially that you know that I got better and you will too. Jesus loves you. He died for you to be free from problems like this.He absolutely wants you to live an abundant life!

So… sometimes I would have this terrible burning feeling inside me. I felt so awful inside, I thought I was slowly dying. One day I felt this way while I was at church. I knew that I needed a “mommy type” to hug me just for a moment. I know some readers will know this feeling. I asked a really wonderfully caring lady for a hug and simply absorbed as much of her warmth as possible. Unfortunately her husband took that the wrong way (I guess?) and many years later he still has “issues” with me. His insecurity (also known as offense) stopped him from being able to take action to help the broken hearted (me!)

Another kind man once wanted to bring me into his family. I was overwhelmed by his offer. Just the fact that he recognised me as one of the fatherless generation (which God loves dearly!) and wanted to help me was a tremendous turning point in me for my life. I felt loveable. I felt like I mattered to someone. But unfortunately internal family politics probably sunk that idea right away. It never happened.

I’m not having a “dig” at anyone, I’m saying to anyone reading this that it’s difficult for people to change their ways and lives to help you. It’s not common in the church today – in my experience. I know God wants it to be the defining characteristic

By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves]. – Jn 13:35

He is working to turn His church into a loving and radiant bride. It will take time. So for now, you might have to find another way to get love into your life. I’ll describe (below)one of the alternatives you have – to love yourself in a healthy way.

Recovery – Jesus has a plan for your life!

So yes, it would be great to get love from people around us and in a church which is centered on love, this would be possible. But the church is not currently centered on His one command, it is centered on a lot of other theology.I’m going to be very honest with you about this one thing. It was very tough for people to love me. I was so used to being alone that I didn’t recognise their love, I didn’t know how to respond to it and I couldn’t respond back.

It is very hard to effectively love a very dysfunctional person, believe me. The person may have isolated themselves without even knowing it. They might also be offensive, because hurt people are the ones who hurt other people (hurt people hurt people).

But Jesus commanded us to love one another so we (the church) must learn to make the effort anyway. And it works! Love is very very healing!

And we must be like this (loving one another) as a community – that is what is called the church.

Jesus said the shepherd leaves the 99 sheep to go look for the 1 who got lost… Jesus loves the one… Jesus wants that 1 to be back in with the other sheep.

I don’t think that we can understand ourselves if we’re not in community with each other. That is the meaning of the word Ubuntu – I am because we are

The positive cycle that you can begin

If we could get some love into our lives, we’d recover and then we’d get a bit better, we could then find more love, more easily, then we’d recover a bit more… and so it goes. Getting better and better.

But if it’s hard for people to connect with us, and hard for us to connect with people at first… then where will your first source of love come from?

The bible says you must love yourself:

  1. Leviticus 19:18 (OLD Testament!)
    “Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
  2. Matthew 19:19
    Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “
  3. Matthew 22:39
    A second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’
  4. Mark 12:31
    The second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
  5. Luke 10:27
    The man answered, ” `You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
  6. Romans 13:9
    For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting–and any other commandment–are all summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
  7. Galatians 5:14
    For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
  8. James 2:8
    Yes indeed, it is good when you truly obey our Lord’s royal command found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

This is the very first place you can begin to find love. when you have begun to respect yourself, have good boundaries for yourself, when you get to know what you like and enjoy and DO those things – that’s when life get’s a whole lot easier.

At the same time we are to love God – and that makes sense because He is the source of the love, He is the source of all good things in this world! He is a God of love!

And we’re also asked to love others too. Love others as you love yourself. I have written extensively on those topics, but this post is focussing on the absolutely important need to love yourself. Not to “fall in love” with yourself, not to think you’re all that matters – but to have kindness for yourself.

Learn to play

For those who have the empty feeling inside, if you’re like I was, I couldn’t see the fun in life. I felt bad and ate (or did other things) to change my mood. Food and coffee (and other things) helped me feel better.

I did good things to change my mood too. I used to worship a LOT (I still do). I am sure that helped me become who I am, because God is a wonderful God and getting near to Him and staying near definitely helped me survive.

But He wants us to do more than survive. He is a good God!

Go to a zoo and look at the animals. The ones that are playing are healthy. The zoo keepers watch for animals who don’t play – they are sick. The same goes for children.The same goes for you and me.

What do you like doing? If you’re like I was… I couldn’t write a list, because I didn’t know myself. I had not learned to have fun and I had not explored my own personality.

Learn to go for a walk if that’s what you like doing. Avoid people who are mean or nasty to you. Have a bubble bath with with EXTRA bubbles… and candles and your fav music and play with the bubbles!

Ride a mountain bike. Plant some bulbs and watch them grow in spring. Find a good friend and talk to him/her. Paint your house. Save up for a n overseas trip. Have fun! What is it you like doing?

Avoid negative Christian messages

I had become trapped by the “deny yourself” teaching within the church. Avoid teaching like this. Just get up and leave. If you’re unable to make your own decisions because you have become trapped by “submission theology” where you MUST listen to the pastor, then wait until the end of the service and THEN leave. Either way, leave unhealthy Christian environments. And perhaps pray for them. God can heal those people too.

I used to pray to God that I was unworthy – I didn’t know that in fact He sees me as worthy! He loves me. Avoid prayers like this. Thank Him for His love for you.

I used to think I needed to “become less, so He could become more” as John the Baptist said. Until God said to me, “well in your case… you must become more” in a wry sense of humor. Since then I have learned that John the baptist was simply saying that his own reputation must decrease so Jesus’ leadership and reputation can increase. It’s not spiritual or emotional, it’s just a practical issue… like the bible always is!

These negative images of me, taught from the pulpit, would come with such force and authority that I’d often go into a spiral that would burn inside me for 3-4 days. Only prayer and worship would restore me to a sense of God’s value of me.

So now my prayer is:

“Lord, I want to value myself as You value me.

Lord I want to have self-esteem as you esteem me”.

The thing is, God values you. God esteems you. He loves you! Would you suffer and die for someone you didn’t love? No way!

Find a church that sees the best in you, listen to teaching which tells you that God loves you. You will love Him back and then He will use you! That’s how it works!

Can I just wait for God to heal me?

No, being passive and waiting for healing usually doesn’t work. Why? Because although Jesus is Lord, but what the church must learn is that He works through people. He CAN heal by Himself, but He is trying to work with people to build a radiant church. The radiance is God’s love being shown through us and our lives.

Get started today on your abundant life

  • Begin to love yourself… or find out how.
  • Have respect for yourself and boundaries… or find out how.
  • Find out about what you like and DO those things. It’s ok to be good to yourself.

The more boundaries you have and understand, the more you’ll respect yourself. If you respect yourself, you’ll be able to respect others. If you respect others they will respond more warmly to you. Pretty soon you’ll be able to see who is hurting you and stop spending so much time with them, you’ll begin to spend more time with new and more kind people.

At first when things got better I felt guilty, like I was not meant to feel good, so somehow this was wrong. It’s not wrong. It’s ok. Keep loving God and worshiping Him and keep praying and keep doing the one command He gave us… to love one another. You’ll see… no matter how good your life gets and how good it feels… He’s still right there.

The simple logic

If you love others and they love you back, you’ll have lots of love in your life right? If you have love in your life, you’ll be less likely to look at women (or men) in the wrong way, less likely to be down and then over-eat or hurt yourself or hurt others. Love is healing – that is why satan (the destroyer) is hell-bent on damaging people’s emotions and then causing them to hurt each other and be selfish.

Jesus explained the solution – to love God and to love one another (and to love ourselves… in a healthy way).

Take a rest… Jesus did!

Perhaps you’re TOO active, then take a rest. Did you know that Jesus told His disciples to do exactly that?

And He said to them, [As for you] come away by yourselves to a deserted place, and rest a while–for many were [continually] coming and going, and they had not even leisure enough to eat. – Mark 6:31

Forgive, but keep good boundaries (protect yourself)

God doesn’t require you to forget, just to forgive and let it go, let it drop:

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go),

in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. – Mark 11:25

Let go of those old arguments, let go of what was done to you. Forgiving will result in you letting go and moving on. Forgiving is GOOD for you because if you forgive then God will forgive you too!

But even when you forgive, you don’t need to restore the relationship, you don’t have to go back into an abuse situation. Just forgive and let go and move on. Onwards and upwards!

More warmth inside is your destiny

Surrounded more and more with healthier and healthier people, you’ll feel more and more warmth in your life. The emptiness will be gone and you’ll be free to love God and love others even more than ever before. Remember, God wants you to live abundant life! Do you know why? Because He believes that if He first loves us, then we will love Him back and we will want to spread the good news about Him to other people.

I know that is true for me. He gave me the ability to grow so fast and to heal so fast – and now I just want other people to know that He is good and He can help them too.

Keep on reading

Some Christians want God to snap His fingers and heal them and they refuse to get help. Is this the right approach? Maybe take a moment to read my post: Should Christians get counselling for healing?

For further reading maybe try this post Emotional healing… what’s it like? or read some of my other posts on healing. I have written a companion post that you might benefit from reading: How to fill up the lonely hurt inside.  Get into the discussion. Share your experiences. Help someone. Receive help from someone too perhaps.

Forgiveness…

These posts might also help you:

and also try

Or try some other posts that I wrote:

These are posts about growing and forming deeper relationships that let us feel connected and warm inside:

God loves you!

Please leave a public comment on this page – below – if you’d like? Use a pretend name if you’re not sure you want to reveal your actual name.

284 responses to “What to do when you’re feeling empty inside”

  1. I feel empty because i dont live life being the best of myself, the 100% of myself. The fear dominated me, to the point of me becoming a loser. I know that a lot of people in the same situation of me they kill themselves, or start to use drugs, but i dont. I”m just forced to psychiatric treatment because psychiatrist is eugenic and he think all weak people has to be eliminated. But i never used drugs, and i wont kill myself as long as i have support from family. People think i use drugs, because they base their opinions in steriotype, but i dont, and i dont care for their opinion, and i keep distance from people to avoid conflicts. I am latin american.

  2. Downright amazing post. Better then 50 other blogs I’ve read. No one seems to understand where I’m coming from, but this blog does. I have had a broken heart, a hard heart. Promises have not happened. But I make the best of life. I just wish God would give me a chance. I pray, read my bible, be kind to others. But I’m miserable, hurting and in pain still. And these end times aren’t making anything much better. But we still trust, why? I have no idea

  3. Pingback: Numbness and Night | Her Spacious Soul·

  4. wow, so ive been trying to heal for the longest. Me and My boyfriend broke up last year, well my mom made me, and I held so much grudge against her for the longest. I thought we were perfect together, but that was a long time ago. He seems to have moved on, but I’m still trying to heal. I talk to God about it, but maybe youre right, I should open up to someone at church.

  5. Hi i came across this site after coming home from church with a sinking feeling . I know this feeling i am familiar with its strategy . It comes to undermine the hard work i have travelled with god to stop giving into the emptiness i felt inside my heart . I am single ( divorced ) with a grown up daughter and have been for a while despite numerous attempts to solve the problem myself which just resulted in heartache . I heard god saying to me that i had to make the decision to stop going round the mountain and coming back to the same point . I believe god makes us face up to things and thats how healing starts . It has been tough but i changed my church and i am surrounded by loving people that i can be real with . I hope this helps someone by the way . The emptiness feeling came on after church because of various reasons , a young couple announcing their wedding , looking at the families and the intimacy between married couples . I can be so strong and then it feels like i am sinking . I have to take captive those thoughts and tell myself that ive been here before and it will pass . I think that the devil knows our areas that are susceptible . I am going to focus on jesus . I have faith that god will bring someone into my life and it is not a cure for my emptiness . I know that these moments will come and go but i can say now that they no longer cripple me or end in tears . I am stronger now because i love myself enough to recognise what i need to do to make the feelings stop. Just reading this blog encouraged me again . Thank,you im sure the lord is using it to reach lots of lonely hearts .
    God Bless
    Andrea (uk)

  7. I feel lonely and forgotten most of the time. I don’t have a lot of friends even though I have joined the Senior Center and volunteer at our hospital trying to meet new people. I am a positive person and usually have a good attitude. I was raised in church and most of our friends growing up were people fron church and sunday school. Then there were friends from work. I am retired now, divorced with grown kids who have moved away and no grands. I have no problem with God and spirituality, it’s that organized religion I can hardly stand. I know church is a good social outlet but if I go, 1) the preachers just put you down and 2) everybody will think I believe like(what) they do. I feel better about my self than I have in a long time but the church (and most members have a way of making you feel like they’re better, so if I’m not lifted up at church, what’s the point of going other than to see some people. And a few people I know go out (usually to bars and listen to music)and I’m tired of that too, although I don’t see a drink or two wrong.It’s just some of the people you meet in these places just can’t live up to my standards, and I refuse to lower my expectations.

    • To Anonymous: please be open to what I have to say…. I know (from exp.) some people have a hard time making friends/meeting new people (me incl.), although working in customer service kinda ‘makes’ me be more outgoing in in a public setting, I still find it hard to relate to some people that are closer to me (i.e. at church), BUT, I see you saying that churches are the same (as do alot of people think that) and that is just NOT true! I grew up in a (fairly strict) Mennonite church and when I moved away and then got back into church, I looked for the same denomination (b/c its what I knew), the first one I went to was very unwelcoming and I did not go back there but that did not stop me from trying another, the next one I went to the one lady greeted me (a stranger) at the door with a hug! (SHOCKING!!) I have been going there for about 19yrs (and have become a member)! I think there are 2 ways to look at your situation, 1.) Maybe the preachers really aren’t putting you down, maybe the Holy Spirit is trying to work within you and you are resisting (been there, done that myself), 2.) If you don’t believe what they believe, then why DO you go there? If their beliefs ARE different, maybe they are wrong in what they teach or maybe they are right and you are feeling convictions? If they are teaching from the Bible the truth about what it says, then why wouldn’t you believe it(like they do)? 3.) We are not to go to church to BE lifted up!! We are to go to lift GOD UP!! Yes, sometimes the services can lift our spirits but the ultimate goal is to WORSHIP GOD!! 4.) Why are you placing standards on other people? Isn’t that kinda like judging them? Our personal responsibility is to God and to make sure we live up to HIS standards and that is to do our best for Him and to reach out to others! Read the Bible and pray/SEEK God’s direction for your life, that is the only way you will even BEGIN to make it! (Trust me, I know! I been through alot too as well as everyone else, I come through alot, and I still have a lot to get through yet and I know I can’t do any of it w/o continual prayer and seeking God!)
      BLESSINGS,

      • I agree that people should try church shopping. Yes. Go church shopping. Find one where you feel fed, where you feel welcome, where you sense they are speaking your language. I call it church shopping. But when you find the place you feel God has put you then STAY there intil He tells you to move. Its not only us individuals who are on a journey, your church is on a journey and YOU are a part of their collective journey. Your influwnce matters. God bless you.

  8. Wonderful site. Plenty of useful information here.

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    And of course, thank you for your sweat!

  9. Hi Mark,
    I believe it speaks to me maybe a little differently than some others in that while I was placed in a ‘loving Christian foster home’ as a child (about 6 1/2), I believe that I had already ‘hidden myself away’ from prior pain. and even though my foster family showed me love, i still resisted, b/c i knew sooner or later i would ‘do something’ to make them not love me. I had a very hard time getting close to people, trusting them and loving them……what is love?? I had no idea, really, i mean, i felt cared for by them (that carried over to my marriage, I ‘cared for’ him,but did not love him in the real sense of the word although I tried and I thought I did, i mean, I did what I thought a person does when they loved someone but also we married for the wrong reason, my reason was b/c we had a child together and b/c of the way I was raised, i thought the ‘right thing to do’ was to marry him), my parents loved each other but they never taught me how to do it. I am learning it….I have learned so much since my separation/divorce! I have been set free in so many areas (many I didn’t even know existed or mattered)! I am learning it is o.k. to be me! and I am learning (and FEELING) the true sense of the word love! (although I still struggle w/the concept of loving others {strange huh}, b/c when people say they love each other, i think ‘guy-girl’ relationships.) as far as the statement “It is very hard to effectively love a very dysfunctional person, believe me. The person may have isolated themselves without even knowing it. They might also be offensive, because hurt people are the ones who hurt other people (hurt people hurt people).” I think this is the part that made me stop and say ‘wow’ (and that’s not a good wow) I’ve done that, in fact just as recent as last year (summer) and i didn’t realize it, i mean, i have figured out that i have hurt people and that i have been offensive to someone who loved me. (i have since asked forgiveness and i have gotten {w/God’s grace} so much better at sorting out my feelings and words and sometimes even my actions) Don’t get me wrong, I definitely am NOT a hateful/spiteful person! LOL! I have unintentionally pushed away those who loved me and those who ‘thought’ they did and when I did this I could not explain to them why I was doing it (some of it was just me {but I believe also that some of it was God too}, working through me and me not understanding it at the time, b/c looking back i can see now why these people were ‘not the ones for me’) I can relate to the ‘not playing’ part too, I had lost my identity while i was married, since then, i have begun to find me again and it is so much more than i ever expected! (i had somewhat of an idea ‘who i was’ when i was a teen but my ‘expressions’ of that were in my art and poetry and spending (a lot of) time alone and sometimes when i feel ‘lost’ i resort back to the poetry (although i must say that not all my poetry derives from feeling ‘lost’, some of it comes from being ‘found”!

    • Hi Jennifer

      Yes, that all makes PERFECT sense. Wow… a good wow… you have come a long way in a short time. I doubt such deep growth is possible without the favor of God. Prayer makes a huge difference eh?

      Well done, because you gave been brave, you have chosen to be OK with growing and change.

      I recognise myself in what you wrote. Not learning what real love is, because I didn’t see it in my home when I was growing up. And then reliving the old patterns that I learned as a child. For example… by marrying a person who could not and did not love me back.

      And eventually learning to just be ME… and over time discovering in little bits more and more who ME is!

      Using things to cope with how you felt… in your case poetry… and then returning to those things later on when your feelings are overloaded.

      You have a gift of being able to share these insights very effectively! This conversation would bless many people because a massive number of people are struggling with this process.

      God bless, Mark.

  10. Thank you very much thank you for sharing this! it made me feel a lot better now after reading this. 🙂

    • You are very welcome. I’m sorry you feel this way. I think a massive number of people secretly do. But the very good news is that you can live a full, warm life of emotional and spiritual safety. You may not have ever seen what that looks like, but I’m living proof that it is possible. Please read the posts that I wrote and linked to from this one. There is lots to learn, ee-learn and unlearn… but you can do it. We never stop learning and growing. So make it a part of your lifestyle, like praying. God bless you, Mark.

  13. Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment
    didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
    Anyways, just wanted to say fantastic blog!

  14. Thank you. Now I know I am not alone. I hope I can begin my healing journey with God by my side and please continue blogging because I only hope to find strength and answers through your experiences and advice.

    • Hi Gladys

      Im so glad you know you are not alone. This inner emptiness is a modern day plague. But you are not alone and there is a solution. You can love yourself. You can find groups of safe people to have relationships with. You can gradually come to a place of knowing and feeling that God loves you.

      God bless you, Mark.

  15. Wow! What a truly remarkable piece of work! I am truly blessed to have read this post. I have been struggling for years and I’ve been going in circles. I’ve decided that I no longer want to live like that. I’ve been praying for help and reading books but today it was especially emmotionally trying and exhausting. I decided to look for some addition help online. I found this site when I searched under “christian that feels lost.” I know God doesn’t want me to continue to feel that way, that’s why He sent me here. I just want to say thank you and God Bless you. You’re helping people more than you can know. I pray you continue to do this.

    • Hi Jen

      Thank you for your encouragement Jen, it comes at a good time for me to hear that. Someone sent a comment to me saying “I’ve never seen a post by you that remotly seemed like humility”. Ouch.

      So thank you for sending this in. Thank you for taking the time to share some love.

      God bless you, Mark.

  16. i really feel alone empty inside mr
    i often remain sad
    i dont smile often i could be happy its just i m feeling some thing missing from me
    pls help me

  18. Thank you for ur valuable thoughts. I really found a way to recover my situation. u helped me lot. pls remember me & my family in ur prayers. may the good Lord bless you & protect you!

  19. Thank-you for your insights and wisdom.. Today you’ve helped me refocus and given me many areas I can and will look further into.. God bless!

  20. Thanks for sharing your message, its was very touching and truthful. I have experience many trials and tribulations In the past two years, that has left me feeling lost inside! I wish the hurt and pain of betrayal and deceit would leave my life from a past relationship! Ive truly forgiven this person and wish nothing but blessing for them, but why cant i let go? Perhaps this is why i feel this way ”lost”. Please pray for me, I want to free my life of my past hurt and pain! I guess its hard when one tries to look on the other side of the door! Thanks for message, it truly has been inspiring!

  21. I agree and respect everything you said in this article. but for me whenever someone gives me love, they end up taking it back. And when they do that the emptiness inside is to overwhelming. One night i remember being so angry at everyone and wanting to get even with them, but then i realized that’s not what god wants. So i took out my phone and apologized to my mother for being so disrespectful in the weeks prior. I also promised myself that i would not accept love from others but love them unconditionally. Now i know my happy days are coming, it may be tomorrow or it may be the day i die, but no matter what your happy days will come as long as trust in god.

  23. No matter what I do
    I always feel empty
    i know God’s love fills me at times
    but sometimes.. I just find myself
    pushing His love away from me
    then i start feeling lonely empty dejected
    im starting to think emptimess is my portion in life
    that burning empty feeling never seems to go away sometimes…

  24. Wow what a refreshing and helpful thing to read. Bless you for writing this. I’m going to have to come back to your site and its links a few times, there’s a lot to take in. I can identify with this hugely, and still after years i still find myself battling this emptiness. Do you have an e-mail address you’d be willing to share that I could ask you about a few things concerning medication. I’ve been a christian just a few years now and it changes the way i view healing from this but it feels so deep rooted. Thank you, you are blessing many through your blog and have given me a much needed taste of hope. Claire.

    • Hi Claire

      My email is markrobertwilson at gmail dot .com

      My opinion on medication is this… take whatever the doctor told you to, and get healing through Jesus Christ as well. As Jesus Christ heals you, the doc will modify your dosage.

      I do NOT believe in people choosing to NOT take medication as an act of faith. No. Our faith is in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross – that is what our faith is connected to. Our faith has nothing to do with taking or not taking medication.

      FWIW I almost never take medication, I just receive healing 🙂

      God bless you, Mark.

    • Hello mark,
      I am a struggling teenager that deals with sooo much stuff from sports to girls and family. My life feels out of order and i feel empty……What should i do? I believe in God and at one point in my life i felt him all the time, i read your blog and i just want to feel and know the lord like i used to before its too late.

      • At times He removes the consciousness of His presence to see if we are going to follow him. In Psalms it says as the deer panteth for the so my soul longeth after thee. Take time for Him. The steps of a righteous man (man woman teen boy girl) are ordered of the Lord. People can get so busy with the every day day to day events of life. That special time you spend with Him, letting His love grow and ask Him to fill you, with His love with His spirit.

      • Hi ej

        I’m sorry you are struggling. Being a teen can be a stressful time in a person’s life. It doesnt HAVE to be stressful, but often it seems that it is.

        I’m not able to be there to sit with you and listen to what is happening. Can you find someone to sit with you and listen? Make sure they are kind and gentle with you. Avoid anyone who will not listen but give advice and be critical. You don’t need that, you need someone to give you time and to listen to you.

        Feeling empty is a difficult thing and it’s complicated. The key thing is to learn to love yourself and to find good healthy friendships – not necessarily boyfriends. You can be your own best friend. Talk to yourself in a kind way, encourage yourself, don’t speak negatively of yourself. Literally be your own best friend.

        And please do keep praying and seeking. If you want more help, please email me, or use the contact form on this site.

        God bless you,
        Mark.

  26. I was involved in a relationship soon after was divorced after 22 years The divorce was good for us both. in my new relationsip wheeling not tell her mother and three boys even though we planned to get married she held an excutive position with a friend of mine. And resigned from the position because of the manner on which was treated she then left and went back home m

  27. mark,
    Thank you for writing on this subject, a lot of people tiptoe around this kind of thing because “christians aren’t suppose to feel this way.” Unfortunately, it happens. I always considered myself a christian growing up, I mean if you asked me if I believed in God I’d say “of course, ” but I never knew the importance of what Jesus did…I never sat and meditated on how he died for me and was brought to tears over it…God was who I’d go to with my problems as a last resort…Last year, I came to know Christ personally on my kitchen floor as I cried out to Him during a drug overdose, or at least what I thought to be an overdose…I will never know because just before I completely lost my sight and hearing I prayed the most sincere prayer I’ve ever prayed..I asked God to spare my life…to give me one more chance and let me tell my family I’m sorry for everything I’ve put them through. The feeling immediately left me, my heart rate went back to normal, my vision was restored and I could hear again…I felt compelled to pick up a bible and just began reading the first page I came to….God gave me Psalms 34….I had never been able to make any sense out of the bible until now and I wept as I read the words He said to me…This was Feb. 1 2011 and I have been drug free since that day. My life was full of joy and I had an outlook I had never had before, but here lately I have been haunted with this feeling that I vaguely remember from “the old life”…I don’t know what its all about, but I know its not what God had in mind for me when he saved me. My mind and dreams have been preoccupied with the thought of death and I’m crying constantly…which is weird for me. So it’s good read something like this, it helps more than you know..Thank you.

    • Hi Rhiannon

      Thank you for sharing your testimony. Wow that an incredible testimony. You have experienced quite a shift recently. I suggest that YOU have not changed, but the enemy is trying to confuse you and drag you back to where you were. Please take a look at the people you are spending time with. Do they make you uncomfortable? Does one of them have darkness around them? Do any of them have the addictions that you used to have? I suggest you clean up all around you and get into a Spirit filled loving church and get into prayer groups and get around some strong and loving Christians. You should NOT be going through this alone.

      God bless you, Mark.

  28. Dear Mark,

    Thank you very much for your inspirational post. As a teen brought up with strong christian beliefs, I have fell into a spiral of emptiness, of nothing. I feel worthless, as though I am unloved despite being the only child at home. Let me give you an example. I went to the doctor the other day in hope of getting a diagnosis for my recurring muscle pain. She was not able to give me a clear diagnosis. Going home, I felt frustrated, even more so when my parents began saying that it probably doesn’t hurt that much as I make of it. I cried, I felt like beating myself up. I am a bubbly optimistic individual, but this outburst took my attention. I feel because of this emptiness that I have drift away from God. I cannot bring myself to confess my sins, no matter how hard I try. Even typing this brings tears to my eyes because I am beating myself up inside emotionally. Please help me to regain this connection with God, so that I do not feel empty, irrational and wanting to give up (a very uncharacteristic trait of mine).

    Thank you very very much in advance.

    • Hi Tina

      Please stop beating yourself up. Please change your mind about your worth. Jesus Christ has made you a son/daughter of God. You have value… intense value. Please start talking to yourself as your own best friend. Take care of yourself. Look after yourself.

      When I read what you wrote about confessing sins, it sounds to me like you are pushing yourself, pushing and wanting perfection. Can you rather choose to accept that Jesus Christ died in your place and you can now rest? Perfection is a hard task master. Maybe, if that is what is going on, try to stop doing that to yourself?

      I also feel that the word for you is forgiveness. Can you please read up on this blog about forgiveness? Let the past go. Forgive. You don’t need to forget. Just forgive.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  29. I’m new to this but for 6 months I find myself prayin talkin to jesus I see jesus workin in my life. God the feelin.that I haue makes me cry it all the love in me for him.I find myself forgivin.I get mad at someone. And don’t like that feelin… I pray for this.I don’t know to many persons.who feel like this I just love jesus so much it hurts….I want jesus more and more….god I love you so…..I pray becouse I want my son to know of jesus love but he’s to cool.for that so its makes me sad….god seen he’s only son died. For our sin don’t …. But more love that god hads for us… I just want my son to know the love of god….this is my new sayin in the name of jesus….love always patricia…..

  30. I also google “empty inside” and found your blog. Thank you for your faithful words, may God continue blessing you. There are times here and there that this empty feeling creeps into my heart, SO HUGE that is hard to push aside. Your blog provides that tools I need to remove it completly. “LOVE”

  31. Hi,

    The readings above gave me a little hope. I broke up with my gf nearly 2 years ago n I am still not over her. I haven’t spoken to her since we broke up. It was my fault and I have accepted it. I don’t wish anything bad upon on her. Only want her happiness. Maybe her happiness lies in another soul. But I just can’t seem to move on. There isn’t a day that goes without me thinking about her. I have many friends now but I still feel so lonely n empty. I keep making mistakes at my job. It has come to a point where they might fire me. I feel like I am going to go in depression. I don’t know what to do. I have no hate against anyone. I have a pure heart. Maybe god wants me to get even more pure. Please help me.

  32. Hmm Well I was just searching on yahoo and just came across your site, mostly I just only visit sites and retrieve my required info but this time the useful information that you posted in this post urged me to post here and appreciate your diligent work. I just bookmarked your site. Thank you again.

    • Hi Taina

      You are very welcome. Please come back and visit again and leave more comments as you read through the various posts.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  33. Mark, I just logged in and asked my computer to give me some answers again to the same questions I have had over the years in regards to feeling empty inside…seems I do know all the answers but being happy and joyful takes alot of effort to maintain. Over the years my husband and I have worked hard, tried to save money, did all the right things, retired from the airline industry…myself…my husband works at a menial job…he is semi-retired. To make a long story short, in life I find for me that you can dot your I’s and cross your t’s, but still come up short…It does take consistent effort and most times money is involved to maintain a life worth living and loving yourself the whole time. It’s work…I get so weary as over the past years since 911, I have had situation after situation to deal with…it goes on and on…it’s totally endless…I am 61 years of age and I firmly believe my best years are behind me and what exactly does it mean when the Lord says he has plans for me, for my future…to give me a hope, to prosper me…what am I missing…I’m still waiting. I wish someone would fill in the blanks for me. Information is what I need. The Bible does have the bottom line, but everyone needs to read between the lines…as the Holy Spirit is the giver of all truth, it takes a rare breed to always have the right answers with God. Your thoughts . . . I have much more I could say, but to what end, the same I take it….Your friend in Christ

    • Hi Anonymous

      I am so sorry that you have struggled like this. What can I say, other than, all good things come from God and the bad things come from the enemy… he comes to steal, kill and destroy. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. I think that means to FIGHT him. Really resist him. MAKE him go away and stop bothering you.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  34. i really don’t know what to do or how to do it, it seems like i have tried everything, even alot of the steps you talk about.. I feel nothing anymore, i don’t even care to talk to friends or family, i want to be all alone,,,, i just dont want to do it anymore, i dont even know what to even talk about because my mind is blank and dumb, and as for love i don’t even know what it is anymore, i waunder if it really even exsists, if so they should just call it hurt….suicide crosses my mind everyday, if it wasnt for my daughter i prolly wouldve already done it, i’m at the bottom of my rope and i don’t care to hold on anymore

    • Take joy in your daughter that God gave you to watch over. You don’t have to do things that are expensive, yet you can do things together. Make your lunch or dinner into a picnic. Go to a park and play. Not just watch her play. Even though that would be a good idea to watch how a child plays. Get up on a day off and she is at home and watch cartoons in your pjs together and eat cereal out of a box. Laughter is a good medicine to the bones. Don’t know how old your daughter is, yet there are mommy and me classes and can meet other parents, or swim classes or take her swimming at the public pool. She gets to meet new people and so do you.
      Your daughter loves you, depends on you, is your friend. She needs you to be there for her, to show her the good things in life and how to have a good life. We always want better for our children and need to show them how to achieve that. People don’t realize what it does to those they leave behind when they end their life. Call on the Lord, He is a strong tower to run to safety in lifes times. Be there for your daughter. Love her love yourself.

  36. God, what god? In a way of how he is so called “merciful” and “just”. Why is the ones that have done wrong given eternal punishment?

    I’ve faced loneliness, depression, hatred, and that throbbing pain inside me. I’ve prayed since I was 8 that I’ll get a friend to finally fill up the hole. 6 years later, nothing. Its still empty and it pains me. Religion didn’t save me but made me doubt it and made me grow cold and bitter.

    • 6 years later and here is a part of the answer. Im sorry it’s so late. But here we are. It’s not just you, its a problem with society. It’s not God, He’s the solution. The problem is with society and its reliance on money – instead of love and God… Jesus Christ specifically.

      Im here, this blog is here. Your prayer is answered. Read, forgive, learn, grow… and start praying again, and keep asking Him to help you.

        • Hello anonymous… please listen to my blog post, you do not have to feel like this. God loves you and Im sure many other people love you.

          I wrote this post to let you know that I care deeply for you. Please try to find a good church and a free counsellor and spend time with them, praying and talking.

          I once asked a counsellor “how do people heal?” and his reply was “through talking” and he was spot on. Please find a counsellor and speak and speak and speak until you are healed.

          God bless you. I will pray for you.

          Love,
          Mark.

  37. I do believe all of the concepts you’ve presented for your post. They are really convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too short for beginners. May you please prolong them a bit from next time? Thank you for the post.

  38. I just wanted to say …thank you…thank you…thank you. I needed this article I just read. I am looking forward to reading more. I hope to learn to love me the way God does…even though I can’t understand his love for me. I feel as though I’m dying of emptiness and lonliness inside. Thank you so much. I know God helped you so that you can inspire and help others. I will look you up on facebook….even though I try not to visit often because all of the disruptive posts betwee nmy family members and other. I’m bookmarking this page. Thanks again.

  39. Thnx…..av bn feeling so down ….since morning…..it ain’t da first time…….love is important…..it hurts wen u love n u r not loved back………….am beta now. Afta reading your..blog…….am evn beta writing all this. You noe becos of dis wanting love I just can’t wait to marry because I feel my husband will give me the love am not getting .LOVE, IT’S SOO IMPORTANT…THNX…GOD BLESS YOU …I HAVE exams in two days gess I can concentrate now

  40. I really needed this thanks so much cause I am empty and I wanna heal and dont know how so I thank you for this post!!

  41. Thanks , I have recently been searching for information approximately this topic for ages and yours is the greatest I have found out till now. However, what about the conclusion? Are you certain concerning the supply?|What i don’t realize is actually how you’re not really a lot more well-liked than you may be right now. You’re very intelligent.

    • Hi Jane

      > What i don’t realize is actually how you’re not really a lot more well-liked than you may be right now

      Do you mean in terms of visitor numbers? I think 670,000 visitors is pretty good. And also I think that my writing is not targetting popular or commercial topics. Also, if people reply they are having to speak out about their own situation and many hurting people dont want to do that. Plus, this blog not just about emotional growth, it also has prophecy and prayer and more – so the content is quite mixed.

      PLUS, I try to make a personal reply to everyone who comments, and if a TON of people commented, I would have to stop doing that, because I can hardly keep up now! 🙂

      But in the end the truth will come out and it is only God Who lifts up the people (or websites) that He chooses to lift up. The choice and timing is His.

      But thank you for your compliment that this is a good blog. I really appreciate your support.

      God bless you, Mark.

  42. From the very beginning I completely disagreed with what you were saying. I never comment on these things, but I so strongly disagree I needed to inform you about your flawed theory.

  43. I have just been feeling so lost lately. Like nothing can satisfy me not even going to youth group and praising God. I find it harder and harder to find purpose in life and I don’t want my dad to know how I really feel because I don’t want him to be worried about me. I put a smile on my face and have that mask up all the time, I don’t like people seeing me not happy. I guess the reason I feel so empty inside is because of my story, my background. Um, my story goes like this to simply put it: My mom found out she was pregnant with me and at the time she was having an affair with a married man and when she told my genetic dad he didn’t want anything to do with me he wanted her to get an abortion, obviously my mom decided to keep me and my dad left her. Through the course of her pregnancy my mom met a guy and he promised to stay with her through the pregnancy and help her raise me. Well, about a year after I was born my mom decided for whatever reason (i’m afraid to ask) to leave me with him. And I give my adoptive father props for staying with me but what I don’t get is why would she leave me I mean what kind of mom leaves her baby girl with a stranger, that’s what hurts me the most, is that she didn’t want me. After that my dads mom, my grandma, moved in with us and helped him raise me. Every birthday, Christmas or holiday my mom would promise to come see me, she lived a couple hours away from us, but those promises more often than not were left broken. When I was little I could easily brush it off by a trip to get some ice cream and it wouldn’t effect me. but now that I’m older I realize that she wont come. When I was 10 my dad got married to an amazing woman that I really liked and I can truly say that i loved her with all my heart and she was an amazing mom. But also that Christmas my grandma, the mother figure in my life that i deeply loved, was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. It’s hard to see someone you love die but it’s even harder to have her live with you and you having to take care of her and see her wither away and die. That was the hard part. After she passed we moved into the city into an apartment and life was pretty good for a couple of years. We vacationed in California one summer and in the middle of vacation my step mom for her own reasons flew back packed up her things and left us. And that was a really hard thing for me because I was 13 and I could feel the ache in my heart from her leaving I could acknowledge the hurt and I was never the same after that. I was a different person I found myself and my personality at a very young age, I’m 16, I know who I am and I embrace that I love my self for who I am but i still find myself wanting to fill that void. I find myself in not believing in love because I don’t know what it feels like anymore I can’t register the feeling to others I am a very nice person many people tell me I’m the sweetest person they have ever met I’m not an angry mean person, I just can’t believe that God truly loves me because I just don’t feel him anymore sometimes I feel him and other times I feel alone and completely empty. I know loving him is the right thing to do I just can’t bring myself to do it for some reason. My mind tells me that I need to but my heart won’t register to the feelings that I want to have. Sorry its long I just needed to get some things out.

    • Hi Koral

      Thank you for sharing your story with me. It has moved me so much and I have tears. You are so eloquent, do you write? Do you share your writing on a blog like this one?

      I’m sorry to say that there is no quick fix. You have been through a LOT and the hurts are deep. You know that. I know that. And you described the problem in one sentence

      > I don’t want my dad to know how I really feel because I don’t want him to
      > be worried about me. I put a smile on my face and have that mask up
      > all the time, I don’t like people seeing me not happy

      This is the heart of it. You see, what happened to you hurt you deeply. And that’s 100% understandable. But the long lasting damage did NOT what happened to you, but from how you did or didn’t handle it. Not talking has blocked you up emotionally. And to get unblocked so you can feel love again, you have to begin talking again.

      Try to find someone to talk to. They can’t be a random, can’t be someone unreliable. Pray and ask Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to help you find someone and then talk to them. Really talk about how all those losses felt. Talk about your confusion and WHY a person could leave their child. Talk about your worries about yourself. Talk.

      Get unblocked. And you will begin to flow again, and you will feel love again. Trust me, I know what Im talking about.

      Find a home group where you can feel love, or where you can see they love each other. Avoid legalistic churches. Avoid heard hearted teachings at all cost.

      And send me a FB friend request

      God bless you and thank you for sharing,
      Mark.

    • If you find you could handle doing this, volunteer at an elderly facility. You will find that you will have so many people happy to see you, be touched by your sweet nature. Many do not have family come visit them as they would want and for them it would fill a need in their lives as well. It is a place where you will find that you will be loved very quickly. God Bless, God Does Love You, keep talking with Him.

  44. Pingback: Post navigation | What is Emo·

  45. PLEASE ALWAYS APOLLIGIZE TO THAT PERSON TO THAT PERSON WHO EVER HE/SHE IS ,GOD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU.

  46. Dear Mark,

    Your postings are practical and inspirational. I can relate to the feelings of hollowness and emptiness bubbling up from within until they completely take hold of your psyche. I am 40 years old and have attributed these feelings to anxiety and depression for which I have taken medication since 18 years of age. I would sometimes get a sickly sinking hollow feeling in my stomach when I sat down at the dinner table with my parents (a father with whom I didn’t get along and my mother who I love). It would be so overwhelming that I would excuse myself from dinner and shut myself in my room. I don’t remember what happened after that. Sometimes I would get the feeling just out of the blue when I was just driving home from work, often around the holidays for some reason. I would park the car and just cry. I believe this is part of the reason I didn’t quite fit in and turned to drugs and alcohol as a teen to numb myself. I always felt as if I was watching the world outside from within a glass box, as a silent observer, never really a part of it. The long line of antidepressant I have taken over the years has gotten me through but I am tired of taking pills and cannot help but think that there is something more than a chemical imbalance that is causing my instability. I was raised in a Romanian Orthodox Church. The sermons were often in Romanian so I did not understand a word, needless to say I didn’t take anything from the experience other than kissing a lot of old people on the cheeks and standing up and sitting down a lot during gruelingly long sermons. I am very much a realist and a skeptic by nature and have a hard time believing something that is not tangible or scientific, although I would very much like to. The few times I have gone to church with extended family I feel like an imposter and a hypocrite. I love the teachings of the church, I love the sense of community, and I have so many things I have done wrong and would like to confess. I so much want to be a part of it, but I can’t make myself believe in an almighty omnipresent creator. To me it defies all reason. I believe that people believe in God because the alternative is simply incomprehensible and terrifying. I know I’m not the only person who feels this way. What to you have to say to us who would like to believe but simply cannot find a way to make it make sense?

    • Hi Kiki

      You also hit it on the head

      > I would excuse myself from dinner and shut myself in my room.

      In response to great emotional pressure you did what you needed to do to survive. and that is understandable. Thats the first and most important thing to understand… you did what you had to do in order to survive.

      > I don’t remember what happened after that.

      And the cost was high. You lost time in your life. Went onto automatic.

      But you know what the good news is? Yes there IS good news. You can put your hands on the steering wheel of life and never let it go again. You can be the head of your life… with God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit being your head. Step out of your isolation. Learn to speak up instead of being quiet. Take a stand for things you believe in. Choose to live a life that is rewarding.

      You are a survivor. But if you change your life and find ways that reward you with happiness, find safe friends and a safe environment, you will no longer need to SURVIVE, but you can begin to PROSPER.

      Always remember that Jesus Christ came SO THAT we can live abundantly. ABUNDANTLY! Make plans for being happy. Learn new ways of living. Live for Jesus Christ. Let Him be your head and follow His Holy Spirit. Go where He leads you.

      Escape the isolation. Speak up. Get connected to loving people.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  47. This was a wonderfully written blog. I rarely respond to blogs. I too struggled with feeling happy, because of past sins, and reactions. I thought I deserved it, but God wants us to be restored, and its so true the point of the message here, “Love God, others, as yourself.” I also avoid constant repeated negative messages from church.

    • Hi Glo

      I’m so glad you avoid negative messages in the church. Avoid anything that doesn’t have the loving heart of God. Seriously. When you are in Jesus Christ, all God has for you is love. He sees the best in you and works with you to improve things.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  48. I thought I was Adobe until now. I’m not sure why ny faith seems so shaky… Besides growing up fighting ahainst the odds of being an African.American women, and a foster child at age 6 weeks, molested, and all the other stereotype events that seem to follow (promiscuity, single parent. Welfare, etc.) I always said one day God will reveal why I had to lived Such a life, and then at times things started to get better, I turned stumbling blocks into stepping stones… But then everything would fall apart. When younger and raising my kids I held it together and kept pushing then with Gods help I would simply rebuild, people in my life seem to take advantage that I was strong and ling suffering but even the tough get weak. After waiting 30.years I thought God sent my soul mate, I through my all into the relationship (literally) only to have it crumble once again, it seems I can’t get it right. No one to love me as I love them agape type love. And that is when it hurts the most. I feek like I am an alien that no one understands, and my best intentions seem to always back fire. Now facing divorce, while unemployed for over a year, I find myself grieving the loss of my marriage, my kids (who needed a more stable environment), my career, my home, and my friends as I had to move. With my support system gone, I just want to be in heaven (NOT SUICIDAL) Just ready for God to take me home … Don’t want to keep rebuilding just so it gets torn down again. I want.to lean now and there is no one but God. What does God say about hating this word and longing to be with him

    • Hi Anonymous

      Thank you for sharing your story with me. It sounds like life is difficult and lonely. The sadness and hurt you have experienced since being 6 weeks old is just so much, that it is totally understandable that life seems like a mystery and you find it difficult to connect.

      If you can find the funds to buy a book, this one came to mind for you: it is called “Changes that heal” and it’s by Henry Cloud – the same guy who wrote “Boundaries” books.

      When you work your way through this amazing book, you will begin to see all the life lessons that you would otherwise have learned if your childhood was stable and healthy.

      I’m living proof that Jesus Christ came to set us free and to restore us. He wants us to live an abundant life. He wants us to be healthy and happy and prosperous.

      You can do it. I did it. You can too.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  49. I am a Muslim but I was very uplifted by your kind and wonderful words that I think all religions resonate with. Thank you so much for putting such great article together and may God bless your efforts and heal all of us!

    • Salaam!

      Thank you for leaving a comment. I’m sorry you didn’t share your name. I consider it a priviledge to have you on this blog and reading this comment.

      May God bless you as He leads you forward.

      ma’a salama
      Mark.

  50. Thanks, I have this feeling my whole life. Its burning right now 😦
    I really, really need to pick the bible up again.

    • Hi “Name”

      Thank you for visiting this blog. Im so sorry you have gone through this. I hope it’s an encouragement to you that many others have felt this way and have healed.

      I hope you read my blog posts and apply some of them to your daily life… if these things worked for me, some of them may work for you.

      And don’t forget to keep praying.

      Lots of love,
      Mark.

  51. Mark,

    This page is awesome, thank you so much! I, like many others I discovered through reading the comments, typed “feeling empty inside” in google and found your page which resulted in the uplifting of my soul. I am thankful for the unique way the Lord works through everything, as it is all his to be used for his good pleasure.

    I go to an Apostolic Church which preaches heavily on self-denial, death to the self, etc. and I have encountered (as of late) great difficulty in feeling any sense of true love, fulfillment, or motivation in my desire to serve God. This caused me to feel guilty/condemned in that I felt I shouldn’t even be seeking self-love in the first place–but apparently, if I am supposed to love my neighbor as myself, I had better love myself–and not only love myself, but love myself well (as I desire to show/give love to others well)! Praise God!

    Thank you Mark. God Bless You!

    Very Respectfully,
    Randy

    • Hi Randy

      Thank you for encouraging me. You are a blessing. If your church is repeatedly focussed on death then it may have missed the part about us having a Saviour and He gives us life and life abundantly. May I suggest you go looking for another church where they speak words of life over you.

      God bless you bro!
      Mark.

  52. ‎”Love your neighbor as YOURSELF.” So powerful and yet so simple. It’s so easy to overlook that. I know when I’ve looked at those verses in the past I’ve always thought primarily about the first half, loving others. Rarely do I give thought to how essential the second part is. But now, I’m going to remember that and hold on to that nugget of truth! I work in the entertainment industry, so it’s easy to beat yourself and compare yourself to others in Hollywood thinking you’re not talented enough, pretty enough, as well connected, as experienced etc. But I think changing my perception of those verses will help immensely. Thank you so much for posting this!

    • Thank you Heather for taking the time to speak so kindly and for being so encouraging. You have not only blessed me, but everyone else who visits this page and reads your inspirational words.

      God bless you, Mark.

  53. please explain how praying and asking god for help and guidance is going to help get rid of this and itmptiness and anger. i am a 100% skeptic of the religous thing been dragged through churches all my life and i has never done any good for me the emptiness and anger become more apparent being stuck in sum church. you’ll need to explain this as i dont see how this spirtiual stuff is going to fill any void in my life

    • Hello hollow

      Have another read of this post and the ones attached to it. They are not all about prayer. They are about non-spiritual things. As you read through them take it slowly and pick things apart. Check it out. Turn it over. Look underneath. Dig in.

      Pray is an important part of the healing journey because anything you do well, is done even better, much much better, if you involve Jesus Christ in it. But even for people who don’t want to pray, these posts still contain help that you can apply.

      Thanks for sharing with me bro. I appreciate it.

      God bless you, Mark.

  54. Hi Mark,

    Wow…you have loads of links and self-help articles…

    mhm. I’m 17. Like everyone else I googled emptiness.

    You know, i think it’s been about 4 months this year and every time i’m with others (you know the ideal teens, cool and all, who have passions, know what they want to do), i feel intimidated… I feel well, okay a wee bit jealous…

    I tell myself i wanna change…and i’ve read so much self-help books, but… I don’t know.. I don’t know myself, i don’t know who i want to be, i don’t know what i want… (Maybe it’s the teen thing)

    Earlier in one of your replies, i read that we could make a list of things we want to do and things like that…I’ve just made a list.

    I don’t know if it’s because i have too much time on my hand (i STRONGLY think i do) or something… I’m tired of being good, but i don’t want to be bad…I want to love, but i don’t know how to love myself or others, I want to talk so much, but the more i talk the more i feel i lose myself (you know people who always talk about themselves?) It’s like i’m in a world of things i want to do but yet don’t want to do. It’s….ARRRRRHHH.

    I’m just sooo confused and lost. you have so many links and so many self-help articles… could you point out the best few things i could do now to help myself?.

    And the more i feel unsure of myself, less confident, the more i seeem to stray away from doing my other things…

    I’m SEARCHING. I’m SEARCHING. But why is it i cannot find myself?!

    • Hi interestingworldview

      You *sound* like a lovely, fun person. But as you say, you are struggling to find your way, you feel unsure, confused and lost.

      May I suggest you re-read this post

      How to fill up the lonely hurt inside

      But in it, focus very deeply on putting into practice the part speaking about re-programming the tape recorder in your head. Your’s might be undermining everything you do by telling you negative messages… like you’re useless, you will fail, you’re not smart.

      Those go around and around and trip us up and undermine everything we do. So you need to override that and SPEAK BACK!!! You literally speak back and set the record straight. “You’re stupid” NO IM NOT, I DID XYZ and I CAN DO THIS TOO!

      Over time that tape recorder will begin to be quiet, and then over time it will begin to repeat the positive messages that you speak to yourself the most. Thats how a tape
      recorder works, it repeats what it hears. It heard some authority figures speaking down to you, so it does that to you now. But when it hears you speaking UP to yourself, it will repeat that, encouraging you all along the way.

      Just imagine having a cheerleading squad in your head, yay! go! woo! you can do it! speling out your name! M-A-R-K!! yaaaay!

      We all need that, and we can have it.

      Proverbs 4:23 – Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  56. I can relate. Right now I am deeply grieving. I have no brothers in my life-at all. No granpa’s, no uncles( they all died), no brothers, there is not a pastor I know personally, and my husband is in some need of healing, too. I have wanted to be there for him, but I have noticed the reason I am not good at being there for him is because for every hurtful thing he does I don’t have any men in my life confirming my worth. Like your experience with hugging the woman at church I know God wants us to not be thinking in terms of lust, but wants us to be so transformed that we see each other as brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers to each other, so that we should be able to show affection even to greet one another with kisses, and I have had friends in the past like this, but over several years, I am 25 now, and my friends and I have struggled with relationships, having children, moving lots, going to college, and going to work, so I have been quite alone loving my family, but feeling drained, distant, and empty as well. I feel like I have just about everything, but no one is really pouring into me, taken me in, nothing. I have suffered a lot already. One man I was close to had such a mental, delusional break down I had to distance myself from him. I feel like I am fighting to survive, but like I am dying physically, but like I have already died inside. People talk about having peace, and joy, and having fun as a christian, but I am really struggling with feeling good right now.

  57. this is definatly a good find this blog i’ve felt like this for years never happy loathing everything and developed a strong hatered for humanity as a whole. can’t seem to shake this tryed the whole church and god thing but it didnt seem to work for me. the onlything that brought me any solis from these feelings was martial arts but now even this fails to stop these feelings from eating at my soul. really think i need a change in my life but dont know were to start as the feeling of love isn’t something i understand or care about as i don’t ever feel it or know how to give love but this is the way my life has been laid out it is the path i shall walk

    • Hi hollow.

      Firstly, thank you for visiting and thank you for sharing how you feel. You can see from the numbers of comments that you are not alone. Many people have tried to figure out why they feel alone and empty in this modern world of ours. Did you know that the time in world history with the lowest recorded levels of depression was during World War 2 in London during the bombing of London? The reason why is because when the people were under stress and pressure, they got together in bomb shelters and they talked to one another – they cared for one another! That’s the key to getting out of depression, it’s to get connected to other people. Care for them and let them care for you.

      BUT. This is much easier said than done. How do you connect if you have abusive people around you? You don’t. You go find a new group of people. How do you connect if you have no experience at connecting and you have not learned the skills of how to connect? You have to learn those skills. It takes time.

      Step one is pray to Jesus Christ for help. Pray. And keep on praying. Ask for His help every day.
      Step two is learn about people and learn about yourself. Take care of you. That’s why this blog helps many people, because it has advice on God-stuff and on people-stuff. We need both. The cross of Jesus Christ hd a vertical piece of wood and a horizontal piece of wood – it reached both up to God and sideways to all of us. Jesus Christ dies for us. The bible says “for God loved the world SO MUCH”.

      God is your biggest supporter during this time, if you ask Him to be. Pray and keep on praying.

      God bless you 🙂
      Mark.

  58. Wow! Someone out there that felt the same way I do from time to time! People think you don’t get trapped in this as a Christian, but it is so easy for the enemy and yourself to get there. Thank you for the inspiring advice, I am going to make this a goal to attain.

    • Hi DC.

      You are fortunate that you only feel this from time to time. Many millions feel it all the time. Some grow up not knowing anything else. For those people the warmth of God’s love and warmth of other people’s love is a complete surprise when they first feel it. That’s how it was for me.

      You are right, being a Christian is not a quick-fix. God wants to restore us and to do that He heals us. That means few ups and downs. The bible says “we stumble but we don’t fall” and you are a testimony to that.

      Just keep taking care of yourself, keep a balence between faith and hope and love. We need all three to stay balanced. Religion is a bad thing, stay away from it. The law is a bad thing, stay away from it. Focus on loving yourself and loving other people.

      God bless you 🙂
      Mark.

  59. You have a wonderful ( BLOG ) that you have started ….

    I readied your story and it hit me like a ton of brick’s in fact it hit so hard that I broke down and started weeping.

    My troubles started back in my childhood day’s as I was growing up.
    I really did not have much of a childhood as a exsample … I was not allowed to call my mother and my father ..”Mom” and “dad”.
    I had to address them by there first name.

    I did not know why they would not let me call them “mom” or “dad”
    so things was not great on the home front for me.

    I got called names and pick on a lot in school by other kids because I did not have good clothes or shoe’s to wear to school and I did not have any friends to play with.

    There is one thing that eat’s at me more than anything in this world as I was growing up as a young kid.
    I was sexually abuse a lot from a family member’s and outside the family as well and this brought shame to myself.

    As a kid what do you do when you get sexually abuse and you can not tell no one becuase they would not believe you.

    well I grow up being gay from the sexually abuse I went thur as a kid living at home.
    so my family shun me or forbidded me to coming around
    the family for I had shamed them.

    I tried very hard to do what was right meet a girl and get married and have a family of my own, that did not work out to well for me.

    My ex draged me in and out of the courts and things started getting to ugly for me.

    The judge order me to pay child support and I was not allow any visitation rights to my child. do to my lifestly

    The courts made me look like a monster and that rip a hole in my heart and I wanted to just die.

    I am living with “Aids” and lose two of my partner’s from “Aid’s” in the last 16yrs of my lives I watch life crash before me, I am emotioally drained and feel lonely and empty and overwhelmed with inside myself..

    The sad thing now I lost my beloved pet after 12yrs .. she was the only thing here on earth that loved me.

    I cryed like a baby and I miss my beloved pet really badly and next month will be 1yr she died.

    I know that the lord is watch over me because I should have died twice one in a very bad car wreek I had, but I made a come back after 1yr and the second one when I found out I had Aids with only 49 T-cells but now my T-cells are up to thousand and I be living wih Aid’s now for 16yrs of my life.

    I know in my heart that the Lord have something in stored for me , but I am not sure if I can handle all the lonlyness,hurt

    I just want you to know that what you are saying is ture ….

    • Hi Georgia-dude

      Please forgive me for not replying sooner. I am not online for more than 45 minutes per day at my local library. I would like to reply quicker and post more to my blog so more people are helped – but I need support for this ministry for that to happen.

      So please forgive me for not replying sooner. But I’m glad I am able to reply to you now.

      I’m so sorry you have been through what you have experienced. So much sadness an so many experiences. I also went through abuse and rejection and hurt. Many other people who leave comments on this blog have been through this as well. It doesn’t make it easier for you to hear that, but I hope you draw strength from me and from them – we are a world which is gradually in recovery.

      My very best advice to you is to pray, and to read the blog posts on this website. Jesus Christ helped me, He can and will help you. Please keep praying and keep taking care of yourself. Find a place of safety. Try find a small group where you feel accepted. Avoid putting pressure on yourself, instead, try to listen to God’s Holy Spirit as He leads you.

      Like all of us you probably want a quick fix. But follow God, He is there and He will lead you. But you have to pray and keep believing in Jesus Christ.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  60. does anyone have any tips for coping in an unhappy marraige?
    i told my husband he was kind and charming to everyone but me. he has been silent / sulking ever since. should i apologize, even though it is true? maybe its me. i miss my mother so much. grief comes bit by bit. i am starting to loose memories of her, her smell etc. how her face looked, she died when i was still a school girl. i forget ever having a mother, who loved me unconditionally as i love my 4 kids. all i feel now is the pain of being hurt time and time again. not loved. alone in the world. i want to go home to God, and at times hope the end of the world is soon, because i find the pain of a loveless marriage so soul-destroying. i have prayed for years, and tried counseling. maybe i will never be truly happy in this world?
    i long for my eternal home, who is God.
    bless you all
    fellow-believers,
    it is still a beautiful world – thank God.
    my poor mother also had unhappy marriage. i so wanted to have that for my children and not pass on the sadness. but i’m a failure too, a failure at life: to love and be loved. except for my kids, i love them so much – to infinity and beyond !
    pray for me.
    in jesus’ mighty name. amen.
    please write back,
    christina

    • Hi Christina

      Please forgive me for not replying sooner.

      I am so sorry for your loss of your mother. And I’m sorry you don’t feel loved by your husband. I have no idea what the dynamic of your relationship is there, so I can’t comment. If you guys need counselling, please consider going to a counsellor. You might be able to find a free counsellor at your church?

      My three pieces of advice for (almost) all peole, is this
      1) to pray to Jesus Christ, asking Him for help, asking Him to lead you and your husband
      2) to take care of yourself. Learn how to love yourself. Learn how to love your husband. Women need to learn to talk “man” and men need to learn to talk “woman”. The book “Five love languages” is superb for teaching this! Get it 🙂
      3) learn about your “personal bill of rights” and also remember that your husbnd also has a personal bill of rights. Put these things into action and learn new ways of behaviour.

      And keep praying, asking the Holy Spirit to come into your family.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  61. Hi I am Diane, I am a fairly new christian and have lost both my parents to death and lost the rest of my family because they cant accept my choice in giving my life to the Lord… I cry ALL the time, I have NO friends, I am angry constantly, and suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind, if not for me knowing it’s a sin, I probably would have gone through with it. Anyway, thank you for caring enough to help people like myself.

  62. thnx bro 4 your help am really very happy to read that some one feel the same as i feel and i will try to do with ur advice and finally thnx again

  63. Hello,

    Your article is very enlightened and I find it very touching that you have replied with thoughtful comments to each post.
    I too feel an unbounded emptiness in my life. I feel completely and utterly alone. I have no friends and am socially awkward. I often experience such despair that I start to see death as a comfort, an outlet. I suppose I do have suicidal thoughts but lack the courage to do it myself. I have had depression for approximately 5 years now and it has robbed me of my personality. I have never went out and over 3 years have not made a single friend at college. I have never worked, my grades are poor and have real worries at where I will end up. It seems unfair to ask you to respond to this outpouring of self-pity but I think it helps…

      • AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD HELP ME PLEASE

    • Hi Ellen

      I’m so sorry that I have not replied earlier. Please forgive me. I have not had regular income and consistent internet access. And when I did, I was using it doing a bunch of things… not knowing that you and a whole lot of other people had posted comments and needed replies.

      It’s a while later now and I hope things are going much better for you now.

      May I recommend you get this Christian book called “Changes that heal”

      This is a wonderful book that I worked my way through. At first I had to go slowly, it was so jam packed with life lessons that I should have learned but never did. And you know what, it wasn’t too late to learn for me, and it’s not too late for you either.

      I did it, you can too 🙂

      Keep praying! God bless you,
      Mark.

  64. I will go straight to the point bcus it is a long story. There is a guy that i like for two years now. its a one sided thing. i have not told him how i really feel but it has been hurting for a long time. I am a devoted christian and you may not understand but i have confident that he is the one and a revelation that he will eventually come to me, however, i try to move on with my life, i try not to think about him, i am not even afraid if he marries another, neither am i convincing him to return my feelings, moreover i am not running after him but it hurts and the feelings are weighed upon my soul..its the joy of the lord that is my strength to do things according to his will instead of letting depression take over me. my question is, what do i do, do i tell him how i really feel not to convince him but to just let him know my feelings..is that good as a lady to do that?? or will i be in the way of God’s will…is it ok to tell him how i really feel..my feelings for him are filled with nothing but hope, is that bad?

    • I think you should tell him how you feel but most importantly only if you’re ready. Sharing your feelings with those you care about cannot get in God’s way and in your case maybe it is God’s will for you to take the next step and reach out to this man. In my opinion it can only make you stronger no matter what the outcome and if this guy truly cares for you too then I believe he will be understanding even if he doesn’t feel the same for you. I was just curious if you and him are friends?

      • Thanks for the reply,
        We have been friends for three years now, we became very close friends.I have been hiding the feelings from him. I am so afraid of letting him know.

  65. Hello Mark, Thanks for this it really helped me. I was just sitting in my bed & I couldn’t sleep. I was going to do more homework, but was lead to look up feeling empty, and I came across your site, and it totally inspired me. I’m going to show this to my children in the morning, and to some friends,etc, i’m putting it in my favorites. I thank you for this eye-opened you have truly blessed me with this passage. May God continue to bless you…. I want so bad to be closer to God again but so much is hitting me all at one time, but i’m still standing….Thanks again

    • Hi ShaTara

      Thank you for taking the time to leave your very encouraging message. I’m blessed whenver I receive comments from visitors.

      Keep reading and learning about faith + hope + love. I always try to remember that hope/optimism is the anti-dote to depression. 🙂

      God bless you, Mark.

  66. while reading i feel all that was written is true and it feels better. I should read more of stuffs like these to appreciate myself and others as well.

  67. hey . hope ur gods will help you out 🙂 they didn’t do it for me , i’m trying myself though 😉

  69. Mark,

    I have been feeling pretty empty this morning, and your article really gave me hope. I could really relate to being with family and experiencing their love over the holidays, and being back in my city now, I’m feeling an absence of love again. Depsite how much churches talk about community, it seems the non-Christians I meet are usually kinder or at least as kind as church folks. My search for a church family in this city for 4 years seems to be in vain although I usually spend at least 6 months at any one place and give it a chance. Your blog reminded me that I am not seeking God in vain and that going to church is not the main solution to seek love and friendships through God. This article is written in an amazingly lucid way that cuts straight to the heart. Thanks for sharing your insight and experiences.

    Ben

    • Hi Ben. You are welcome. I have been where you are. It’s not a simple thing to recover from. If you tak the time to read all of the articles I have posted in the links at the bottom of this post, you will find some more helpful hints on what steps you can take next to deepen your relationships with the people around you. And of course my main piece of advice is: don’t stop praying 🙂 God bless you, Mark.

  70. What if your situation is the exact opposite? I, for example was as normal and happy as be when I was little, but when I began to grow up, something changed. I know I am the same person, but I don’t feel anything, or don’t really recognize my emotions. As I began to understand the world I lost my emotions. I still may express them, but I don’t feel them.

    • Hi Yuumei. I know – to some extent – how you feel when you say you don’t recognise your emotions. I remember feeling this way. It usually comes as a result of some sort of abuse – physical or emotional. Please take the time to read the links I provided at the bottom of this article. Many of these other posts will help you to get in touch with yourself and to become more in touch with how you feel. The main thing is to be kind to yourself. Listen to yourself. Love yourself. Be your best friend. Protect yourself. Even if no one has done this for you before, you need to do it for yourself now. So read those posts I wrote, and put them into action. I did it. You can do it too. And don’t stop praying! God bless you! Mark.

  71. I apologize for not being able to focus enough to read your whole article – emptiness seems to be distracting me. I came to faith almost a year ago just before my 34th birthday. I have spent my life being empty and on my own. Repeated abuse and love given to me sparingly- and I am also guilty of not seeing when I was being loved and thus pushed it away. I have been feeling so on my own today; I alienated myself from so many people, but also got hurt by so many. I have even avoided settling into a Church because of such fear of being hurt more. But the last bit I got to in your article gave me a true flame of hope – where you mentioned the shepherd leaving the 99 for the 1. Just last week, my dear aunt (who is strong in faith and one of the few I trust) gave me contact with her in laws who are deep in the faith. I met them at the Church they go to last Sunday. I am still so scared I will get hurt there, but I am holding onto the fact it is through my aunt I went. She has never guided me wrong. It really is like our Lord sent them out to find me. I’m so fed up with being alone and unloved. I seem to have a stamp on my forehead saying “I’m already down, kick me more!!” I just want to be a part of some love now. I don’t care how scary the process is. I am tired of being on my own and feeling I don’t belong. But then I know I created so much of it myself. It hard when you are so hurt you don’t allow love in when that is all you really want. Fear of the very thing you want (and need). I admit, God makes me feel loved so much. But in a world full of humans it would be nice to feel a little bit of Godly love coming from people. I do have a few, don’t get me wrong. I am just so grateful the shepherd came and brought me to this Church. Just having a bad day I think, too much un-dealt with stuff inside. I do think I am on the threshold of things moving for me. And I shouldn’t be complaining because the Lord has done so much for me. After blocking it all out with drugs for over 20 years, and just getting clean I think there is a lot bubbling to the surface…

  73. Hi Mark,
    For some reason, I was in the dumps today. Like you’d said, Life had finally dealt me a nice deck of cards and somehow, I felt overwhelming guilt in being Happy. I allowed a wee bit of that which plagued me back into my life (no, I’m not talking about drugs nor sex. i’m very conservative.). It is almost as if emptiness and sadness have been such an integral part of my life that being Happy almost feels strange. And then, with tears in my eyes, I’d googled “why do i feel empty” and your blog popped up. Whatever you’d written stirred me within. I could identify with everything that you’ve written. It takes one to know one and only a person who has experienced an abyss would be able to empathise instead of being dismissive or patronising with a mere “time will heal all wounds”, etc. I’ve been far too strong to protect myself, yet this wall keeps out many. I find it extremely difficult to trust even a confidant with issues that truly matter for I fear (through experience) that this will be used against me one day. On the surface, I am outgoing, independent, cheerful and lead a group easily. I am very chatty and I’m always laughing yet people know little about me. I do not allow people to see that I am vulnerable as experience has taught me that appearing naive is a tool to be utilised against me. There are many deep hurts to be healed and God was actually healing me this month yet I threw it all away by letting That into my life again. My problems cannot be solved overnight but reading your blog will constantly remind me that God never leaves me alone. Thank you. =)

  74. I am so glad I found this. I was feeling empty and sad inside and this really helped me 🙂

    • Hi Tracey, I’m so glad you found us… and you know you are not alone in this. And I hope you can see, there are choices and ways out. God loves you!

  75. i typed feeling empty on my laptop search page hoping to find an answer or a spiritual reading that would help me to understand my inner pain. i came across this page and i found it with a tear in my eyes while also watching ‘somethings got to give” . i laughed, and i cried, and i felt empty. i wish to find love with a particular other but do not know how to. i stereotype all men and i am cold and bitter and do not have patience for anything. i am loved but don’t respond at all. i drive everyone away. i feel like a zombie. i don’t know how to interact with others. i drink socially and only to get drunk and voice my opinions, which are usually bad and i hurt others. i sometimes have fun but not in a good way. i go to church because i need the spiritual guidance and i know that i love god, jesus, and the the holy spirit without all the issues that i have, unconditionally. i am so afraid of getting hurt, so afraid of everything. so afraid of love, lies and failure. nothing but spiritual words, lectures, lift the burden. i will continue going to church and reading spiritual literature to keep helping me and hope one day soon i will heal. i want to love and feel again without wondering what love even is.

    • Hi Emerald. I am so glad you found this blog. It’s tough when we come face to face with our own limitations, like we don’t know how to respond to others, isn’t it? It was for me. But I took up the challenge, and I started to learn, and I have learned so much, and I keep on learning.

      And because of my relationship with Jesus Christ, Who has been leading me and healing me all along the way… I am in SUCH a better place. I could never have imagined how many times the world would sort of “open up” and I would see things I have never imagined before.

      There is a wonderful journey in front of you. Step into it. Pray and keep on praying. You can do it. I did. I still am. And you can too.

      God bless you!
      Mark.

  76. I feel so horrible every now and then in my life i just want to die. im glad i found ur page that sounds as though u have experience the kind of pain i have felt. that horrible searing pain in your chest and where u cant breather and u wont to hurt urself. now im slightly better in that i feel like an empty emotionless zombie. at least when i read your article it made me cry a bit, its better than feeling nothing. i am a zombie. i feel terrible. i pray to god to help me (i believe this is how i found ur page) i dont know how to make it better, ive tried excercise, antidepressants, making music. it always comes back. i cant connect to anyone. i dont know what to do.

    • Hi Jessica

      Thank you for sharing you life with me, I really appreciate it. Yes I do know (somewhat) where you are coming from because I have been there. The bible tells us over and over to CHANGE OUR MIND. Do things differently. Stop hurting ourselves and get away from others who are hurting us. The question is… how do we change our minds? How do we start to believe new things, when all our experience tells us what is real, how do we believe new and different things?

      Step 1: I do have one easy and quick and surprisingly good way of changing your life… print this list of your personal bill of rights https://achristian.wordpress.com/2009/04/10/your-personal-bill-of-rights/ and stick it up on your room wall. Look at it every day. Take note of it. Choose one to focus on each day. They won’t come easily to you. You might feel angry as you read them and realise what you didn’t have in your life before. But today is a new day.

      Step 2: Start saying NO to people. Pretty soon things will be changing. You may have less friends, but they are better for you and drain you less.

      Step 3: Another surprisingly powerful way to change your mind is to pray this simple prayer once or twice a day and claim it for yourself. I mean really take a stand and shout at everything in your life and tell it the new way things are and how it’s going to be from now onwards. Here are the bible verses http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Eph%201:15-23&version=AMP
      Put your own name in those verses and absolutely know and believe that they are true for you. Ask God to fulfill them in your life. Ask Him to open the eyes of your heart.

      I did it. You can do it. In and through Jesus Christ all things are possible. The way things were as you grew up may have been awful. But you are old enough to be in charge of your own life now. You are old enough to change your mind and do things differently. Pray, ask Jesus Christ for the help you need. Believe the words He says about you in the bible.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  77. But what if you’re already loved.
    What if you don’t believe in god.
    I have lots of friends, a beautiful girlfriend, loving parents. I know they love me, and I love them. I make sure to let them know once in a while, too.

    From the outside, I seem to have everything going for me. Good education, no financial problems, no real physical problems. But still there is this emptiness.

    So how do you fix something that isn’t obviously broken?

    • Is this what you really want? I think maybe on the appearance it seems like the societal standard for “perfection”.

      Maybe just enjoy your life more, like the blog says, enjoy your life, do something fun.. I think most people here are seriously empty, such as myself..we don’t have those things that’s why we feel empty.. but your case I guess it could be that everything is too “stable”..

      • Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t born this way. Just a year ago, I had almost no real friends at all. I stayed indoors most of the time. After a while, I wanted to change. I worked really hard to meet more people, and I made a lot of great friends. The increase in human interaction changed my life for the better, no doubt about it. I feel way better than I did a year ago, but the emptiness is still there. I’m a people person, I always try to make other people feel comfortable. But I’m just saying it hasn’t always been this way.

        • Hi Thomas

          Thanks for your follow up comment. Your first one left me wondering why you are feeling this way. Now it makes more sense. You are only 1 year into your recovery and you are still learning what got broken and how to fix it. There is a journey ahead of you. Lots to learn. But each journey begins with a few steps – and you are already a few good steps into your journey! So be excited.

          What I suggest is you read all my posts on this subject and just keep learning. If you didn’t have good role models for how to protect yourself and how to plan for happiness and achieve it… then you have to learn how to do it. Each concept has to be observed and learned and put into action.

          For example if you had no friends 1 year ago, there is a real possibility that you might now be gaining friends… but are they healthy… are they takers or givers… are you energized by them and built up, or are they subtley critical and depriving you in small ways?

          But at the very heart of it all, is love for yourself. And that means having good boundaries and protecting yourself. If you care for yourself, you will be able to notice when people put you down and you will say NO to them. No matter who it is, no matter what authority or power or status they have… if someone is abusing you in small and hard to notice ways (such as words or behavior) then you need to say NO to them.

          One easy and quick and suprisingly good way of encouraging this change in yourself, is to print this list out – your personal bill of rights – https://achristian.wordpress.com/2009/04/10/your-personal-bill-of-rights/ and stick it up on your room wall. Look at it every day. Take note of it. Choose one to focus on each day.

          Pretty soon things will be changing. You may have less friends, but they are better for you and drain you less.

          And keep praying! You are on a path that the Holy Spirit will support you on. Jesus Christ chose disciples who had jobs. The demoniac man in the Gadarenes was PERHAPS too messed up and had too much recovery and growing to do, for him to immediately follow Jesus Christ through still more trials and tribulations.

          So you need to look after you. And learn to love others, and to love yourself, and of course, to love God. The Holy Spirit will support you in all this. And just as He has used my healing to help over 400 THOUSAND other people, He can use your healing as a ministry too.

          God bless you,
          Mark.

  80. Hey I just wanted to say that i found this article really inspirational.

    I’m just a high school kid in my second last year of school dealing with the ups and downs of being a teenager, change, school and building a better relationship with god.

    Thanks heaps for putting this article up, I actually don’t feel so alone anymore and that means a lot to me.

    God bless everyone.

    • Hi Christine

      I am so glad that I was able to share in your walk a little bit and encourage you. No you are not alone and yes your experience is very common. But as you can see from my life, there is better to come, you just need to change how you approach things. Unlearn some lessons that life taught you. Focus on the GOOD things Jesus Christ did for you. Learn to find love and especially, to beging caring for yourself. All the sadness of the past can really be just that… past. There is emotional warmth out there, you have to learn how to find it and grow in order to give and receive it. I did it. You can too!

      God bless you!
      Mark.

  81. I seriously started crying when I read this. It’s one of my favorite articles of all time, and I can relate to it so much. I’m so glad you posted this. I was beginning to think I was all alone.

    • Hi KDM, you are not alone… not by a long way. This is a “fatherless generation” and Jesus Christ (through the Holy Spirit0 is working overtime to connect us and give us a new hope which is based in Him and in His love. God bless you and THANK YOU for sharing how you feel. Love – Mark.

  83. thanks for sharing this,,,im hurt and felt empty todayand hpin this will be gone forever thru God’s help…

  84. I will be approaching 50 soon and all of my life I have felt insecure & ugly. I seemed to have grown up rejected and not liked. I never had friends as a child or an adult. I had alot of relationdhips with men end with their break-up with me. Hurts & dissappointment seem to be a curse around my relationships. I have prayed many times to be healed of my self-hate. My own mother didn’t love me as a child. I was a quiet and very shy girl. My dad’s love I always seemed to seek and actually left my mom at 15 to live with my dad & step-mom. My real mother confesses she always felt quilty about especially me ( not loving me??) dad was always distant. I married at 21 and he left me.I went on to date alot with most all ending in dissappointment! I married a christian man over 10 yrs. ago and right from the beginning has rejected being sexual with me. our marriage bed is dead! I got into a affair with a man who said he loved me and then it happened again- he broke it off. Well, this one maybe I can understand the break. Affairs are wrong in god’s eyes but I was SOOOo0 emotionally & sexually starved! He broke my heart. I reliezed no man has ever truely loved me. Not even my own husband! oh, I almost forgot…we have a 9yr. old son who was never cuddly or close to me, his mother who desparatley loves him. all this makes me think god does not love me that’s why no one else does.Everthing I typed is no lie….I have NO relationships in my life. I do not have the courage to end my life for fear of going to hell that much sooner believing God himself rejects me to hell. I have prayed many times for god to show me his love..Heck…I even begged god to love me and show me. I prayed the same of my husband. I have no hope. I feel like im praying to a wall. no response!!! no hope!!!

  86. I am having a lot of trouble boosting my self-esteem and confidence. I began to believe it was because I just don’t feel loved. But I never tell anyone because I don’t want them to be worried about me or disappointed in me… so I bottle it all up. At the same time, I wish people would worry about it so i feel loved. And the worst part is that I know people love and care a lot about me… so why can’t I just love myself?

    It’s even to the point where I think I just don’t want to be here anymore. Like there’s a voice in the back of my head that just says I should give up. But if I ever do contemplate suicide, there’s another voice that tells me God must have amazing plans for me if the devil is trying this hard to get rid of me… and it tells me to try and stay alive. It’s so hard because even though I know I should believe the latter, I am having a hard time. My spirit feels so weak and empty and I don’t know what to do.

    • Hi Marley

      Thank you for sharing how you feel. Your honesty has given me two ideas for you to maybe take action on. The first is that you explained what the voice inside you is saying. We ALL have a voice and it is (initially) programmed by our parents. This voice can say what a winner you are, or what a loser. It can speak words of fear, or words of encouragement. It just depends on the household you grew up in. That voice is simply a tape recorder.

      According to what you wrote, your tape recording has a recording to “give up”. I can imagine how difficult daily life could be if someone was right behind you being negative about you and your abilities ALL DAY. It would sap my energy.

      The thing to do now is for you to make YOUR OWN recording. Yes I can! And fight back against the recording. That inner tape machine simply records whatever it hears the most. It can be re-recorded by you SPEAKING BACK and deliberately re-recording your own message of self love and self acceptance and belief in yourself.

      And the second thing is… you wrote that you don’t speak and you bottle things up. Please don’t do that. Human beings are made to be in relationship. God is not one Being, He is a three-part Being and they have different roles and they relate to one another. The Son hears from the Father. And what’s more, if you read revelations you will see that God has surrounded Himself with a wide variety of beings of all shapes and sizes. AND He wants a bride… that’s you and me.

      What I am saying is, we are made to be in relationship and to communicate with one another. Remember that Jesus warned against being a single sheep. He said He goes to find that sheep and bring it back into community. Please start talking to (safe) people and sharing your inner world and inner thoughts. Don’t walk alone. You are not designed for that.

      Lastly, I do believe that as you SPEAK BACK, and as you get into a (safe) community… then you will bounce back into wonderful heath… and the other voice will be shown to be right… you will prosper and become a leader… helping others to also bounce back into health, in the same way as you have done.

      God bless you!
      Mark Wilson.

      • this article was so comforting. you can tell when something is from God because it is loving and gentle and kind. this really helped me.

      • Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I’m pretty late replying, but I appreciate your help so much. I have actually spoken up and told my parents and trusted friends that I’ve been feeling depressed recently. And I understand what you’re saying about the tape recording, I’ve heard that idea on a number occasions. It is something that I’ve had to deal with — my father is particularly strict and doesn’t hesitate to berate me if I’ve made a mistake… which is why if I slip up or make a bad decision, I have such a deep feeling of worthlessness. I still need to work on not hiding my emotions, and on getting the courage to have a heart-to-heart with someone, even if it’s a therapist. I thank you so much, this really helped me, and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, and God bless!

        • I’m so glad things are moving forward for you. What a wonderful and positive situation for you! Please keep on reading and sharing – you are a blessing to many other people here who will read your comment and decide that they too can improve their life by making different decisions 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

  88. Thank you for the help. I googled feel so empty and this came up. It helps to hear that others are going through the same thing! Now to learn how to love my self, and hopefully others.

  89. Dear Mark,

    I came across you’re page… I am suffering from a broken lonely heart. The love of my life dump me a week ago. I was told that they did not see their self with anyone because their life is too complicated. I accepted it because I had no choice. Deep down inside I felt like all of me had died and lately all I have been doing is crying and not eating and not doing much but sleeping. I feel like I have no one because my family don’t know how to reach out to me. I try to open up but each time I do I end up crying and I can not get it out… Reading your blog has help me and I think I need to start loving myself before I am able to love anyone else.. Just not sure what to do anymore..

  90. i dont know for a long time that i been working abroad i have seen diffrent kinds of friends. sad to say most of them are just there when they just needed u. sometimes its too hard to accept that the one we care most is the one who hurt us most. now its to hard for me to trust coz it hurt so much.sometimes i dont understand myself i was so scared, and feel so alone and empty. though i am not yet ok now but im glad i have read this. pls help me pray to move on. thnx and gdbless

  91. Hi Mark,I’m Jun, I think I’ve become so numb with the emptiness I feel inside. All I see is frustrations and never ending questions about who I am and how to accept my real sexuality as gay. I just can’t accept myself as gay because I want to have a family and I have a biggest insecurity towards having sex knowing that I can’t enjoy it neither will I be satisfied with it with a woman. It’s so hard to explain but I want to label my sexuality. If I’m gay then why i feel romantically in love with some women? I want to be normal and have specific label in my sexuality. I felt so alone that I cannot share it to anyone and I cannot love myself for this. I think I’m getting paranoid. I’ve had panic attacks because of constant worries about my life and thinking about my future. I have a great family but I still feel so down. Will you be my friend whom I can talk to?

  92. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I stayed home from work today. I thought about writing how I feel but it would turn into a book. That burning sensation is “real.” It’s the most horrible feeling of “emptiness and loneliness.” I’m 36, not married, bought my own home not long ago, work at a college, and none of this seems to bring me any happiness. My pain is so real. My heart actually feels as though it is crying, if that makes any sense. I feel worthless and alone. I feel like I am in a rutt and no one is around to help me out and there is nothing but darkness. I feel void. I am 36 and don’t have kids of my own, not married, can’t seem to keep a boyfriend interested, and all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep all the time – though that gets unbearable also. The weather doesn’t help either -cold weather; I’m tired of feeling the way I do. I don’t know what “normalcy” consists of. I’m going to read some of your links. I feel like because I am 36 that my life is over. I need to change my way of thinking. I know a lot of things that would help me but it’s getting myself out and making myself do something that is so hard. I wish I was normal.

    • Hi Cindy

      I would like to encourage you to write it… yes I know it could be a book. When I started my blog I had NO IDEAD it would be 800 pages and still going now 3 years later. But look at the good God brought out of my sharing. I could never have forseen this. But as a friend said to me, it’s more important to obey God than to understand Him. So go ahead and blog… it will order your thoughts and help you see what you are going through. You will get unstuck and move ahead with Him. 🙂

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  93. God Bless you.
    You are such a wonderful person. I was feeling sad inside me of my lost feeling of intimacy with God. I used to pray regularly and recently started to get revelations from God about people, but now I feel alone and feeling that I am not giving and using my best for God. I feel empty after praying. God is refining me but rather than enjoying what God wants me to be I am staying on my previosu position. i want to move but cnt able to move… God help me.. u are so kind god bless u

    • Hi Reji

      Thank you for taking the time to say these kind words to me. I know you can move forward. may I suggest you read through the posts I linked to on this page – and especially, put into action the things that I suggest will help you.

      God bless you,
      Mark.

  94. Thank you so much for this post, it has helped me in a time of trouble. Satan has used the doctrine of predestination to make me feel like no matter how much i love God i’ll still go to hell if i wasn’t predestined to go. I now know what a false idea that is, it is so clear in the Bible that God wants all of us to go to heaven, we must accept it. I’ve been so sad even feeling like God has ignored me at times, but it’s all part of his plan. As I open up to people and let them into my heart I begin to feel like I’m being spiritually restored. Thank God that he LONGS for us to go to heaven

  95. Dear Mark,
    Thank you so much for taking the time in writing post. I was desperate in finding solutions to my empty feelings and loneliness. You have no idea how good it is to just finding the fact that I am not alone in this. Thank you. God bless you for blessing a troubled heart.

  96. Hi Mark,
    I am feeling pretty down right now and I googled feeling empty inside and came across your site. To tell you the truth, I am not a Christian and I don’t plan to be, but reading your post had put some insights in me and made me feel that I can relate to someone. I always thought that I was the only one who feels this way. The way you were describing what you were feeling was EXACTLY the way I feel. I’ve been feeling this way for quite some time too and it is eating me away. That burning sensation you were talking about, I can understand that, except mine is more of a strong pressure building in my chest making it harder to breathe. I feel no happy/positive emotions, I feel worthless and life is pointless, I don’t have anything I am interested in doing and most of all, I fear that everything that I do is wrong. I’m in school right now and I already am thinking of quitting because I cannot stand facing people everyday whom I know that are hating me or distancing themselves with me because I am not a lovable person. I know that because I don’t feel that love for myself, I feel empty inside. I don’t have friends that are close because it is hard for them to love me. It’s not like I could go to them and tell them I am depress and wanting to kill myself, can you please care and love me? I think that would scare them away if anything. That is why I think that I distance myself from others and people distance away from me, sometimes it feels more comfortable this way but in a way also creating the loneliness inside me. I have been told from several people at school why I am so private and not talk to anyone, which was an alarm for me. I thought I was doing a good job hiding how I am feeling but I guess not so much. I really wanted to start to not feel the way that I do and really learn how to love myself and others. And after reading your post, it sort of boosted up my mood a bit and gave me an idea on where to start healing-Myself. You gave some good tips, and please keep it up! Thanks for writing this, it felt great to relate to someone and for me rant about my feelings. I really needed to get that off my chest. I only hope that I can keep it up.

  97. This is a good text… it makes a lot of sense, even for an agnostic like me, because whether or not I really do believe – I can understand these teachings.
    Hopefully I can make it work, too.

    Thank you

  98. I did a search for ‘feeling empty’ and reading your article has upped my mood a bit. I even prayed somewhat.

    • That’s great Kirill. This time of the year is notoriously tough for lots of people. But it usually gets better as the new year sets in.

      May I recommend you read the posts I have written. I got through into a wonderful place, I am sure you can too.

      God bless,
      Mark.

  99. Hey Mark,

    This really help me understand some of my loneliness I feel at times as well as others in my life. I have a friend who has basically given up on life and he has no joy and he feels he as no purpose. Never knowing his father and his mother passing away at a young age for him makes him feel like he can trust no one and that all people are are out to hurt so he walks in that pain and hurts others. I haven’t talk to him in so long so just recently I reached out to him and doesn’t understand why I care so much because no one else ever has. He try’s his best to put me in the same place as those who hurt him even though I’ve always been there to help and encourage him in anyway I could. I minister to him tell him how much God loves him but he still hates life. Everyone has always given up on him, hurt him, and left him. My heart wants to be that different person but I don’t think he is recieving it. Do I just give up or do I continue to show love to him even though it seems as if he’s not recieving it? I don’t know I know the Lord and I know what he can do for him I just don’t know if I should keep trying or let go and let he and God figure it out. I pray constantly for him is that good enough?

  100. Thank you so much for writing this you described me in every paragraph you wrote. Especially the statement about not knowing how to respond when someone reaches out to me. I am a Christian also. I think my biggest problem is that I can’t get to church. Buses don’t run on Sunday in my area nor do they run late enough for Bible study. I am always stuck in the room (I don’t have a home yet) on Sunday. I ask people for rides to church but they won’t take me to church (I am always begging people to take me to church). I do not have nice clothes to wear to church at the moment so people don’t want to be embarrassed by taking me to church. I have not been to church in nearly 7 years I last went to church when I was 10. I went to this particular church when I was 10 and that year was the best year of my life. I have not been invited to church since I was 9. Although, going to that church was the first time I felt love from people other than my mom I made a terrible mistake and the people at that church won’t forgive me for it. I don’t know if what I did was a sin maybe you can tell me. So, here is what happened: I was 10 at the time and I am multi-racial and a friend of mine was 12 and he is white…. He told me he loved me so I hugged him and everyone got upset (It wasn’t our age that was the problem because most of the kids our age were dating already) they thought we were dating or something. My mom and I started getting racist sounding phone calls from the pastors wife. I don’t think they had a problem with my race nor do I think they were racist I can’t imagine that they would treat me so well for so long if they were. I think this whole thing was a misunderstanding. Because my friend that I hugged parents treated me kindly till the day I left. But other people from that church will not even let me explain myself.

    I think a lot of the reason why people don’t invite me to church is because of misconceptions. Most Christians think I am a lesbian because I am 16 and I don’t date or own a dress or skirt. The reason why I don’t date is because I was molested off and on until I was 12. I am just tired of people taking from me (sexually and emotionally) and not doing anything for me (I just want someone to talk to).

    I think I have found a way to make friends though. I am learning Spanish… I sat next to a Spanish woman on the bus and we had a brief conversation. When I started to speak in Spanish she started telling me everything she even stated crying I felt like we really connected. The thing is I gave her advice to leave the area because she is living in a bad situation and once she moves she will be in a better situation. I think I just gained and lost a friend in a total of about 10 min.

    I have come to the conclusion that people like people that look and speak like they do. I look Spanish (I am only 10% Spanish so I don’t know hardly anything about that part of my heritage) I just don’t speak much Spanish. Speaking more Spanish I assume will help me connect with more people who accept me and don’t care what I look like.

    I also wanted to know what you thought about Catholic Churches. There is a Catholic church near one of the bus stops and they have services on Saturday. Maybe I will be accepted into a Catholic church but I am unsure of the dress code. If I like Catholic Church I will be converting to Catholicism.

    I really apologize for writing such a long story but I feel so much better after writing this. Thank You in advanced for reading my extremely long story…I mean comment:)

  101. Thanks for the post. At the moment I’m finding it very hard to find any sort of warmth or friendship in my life and I feel pretty bad most of the time. Thanks for the advice, but more than anything for showing me I’m not the only lonely one.

    • Hi Orange. No you are not the only one – at all. Look at all the people on this page.

      But may I encourage you, that if you take the advice I provide via these pages, you will come into a new time of healing and growing and refreshing.

      The key is this: faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ. AND match that with a willingness to grow and become all you can be. BOTH together are needed.

      In the bible it talks about faith, hope and love. We need all three. It’s ONLY about faith. Not only about love. Not only about hope (which means the way you think, positive expectations). We need all three.

      And always bear in mind, we love others as we love ourselves. So loving ourself is a vital first step. Loving ourself might require getting away from someone who harms us. Loving ourselves might mean protecting ourselves. Loving ourselves might mean finding stability, safety, fun, laughter, enjoyment.

      We have to get and go. If life has been hard then that might be tough to do. But with His help – acknowledge Him in all your ways – then you can do it!

      Also remember this: bit by bit it’s a cinch. Yard by yard it’s hard. So take it one day at a time, bit by bit.

      I got to where I am. You can too.

      Maybe start a blog and begin sharing your journey? Other people will appreciate it and it’s very encouraging!

      God bless you. Thank you for visiting and your kind words. God loves you.
      Mark.

  102. Hi Mark,
    I love your blog thanks. My problem is different my husband want me to get a bf so i did to save up my marriage. Now I am very guilty and unhappy about it. I don’t know know what else to do. I have 2 kids 10 and 5 I will do everything for them.

    • Hi Rose

      You and your husband entered into a covenant. When one person breaks the covenant the other person is free to also leave the covenent IF – and I stress IF – the one who is breaking the covenant is not repenting and changing their ways.

      You need to get into counselling and ask yourself some tough questions about your marriage. Is it a marriage? Have you guys forgiven each other and seeked healing? Is there still a covenant?

      Remember that nothing is impossible for our God. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But. Also remember that we do not have to remain in an abusive marriage.

      Pray. And get into counselling and seek help to decide how to go forward. Pray more. And then take action. What that action may be, I don’t know. But with His help you can go forward into something better – hopefully it will be that your marriage is healed and you and your husband come to a place of deeper intimacy and healing with each other.

      But do not remain married and get a bf. That is a bad plan. 😦

      God bless you,
      Mark.

    • Hi anonymous

      I’m glad you are finding some strength for this season. I’m praying for you and for everyone. Seasons always do have an end.

      We will all come together into wide open spaces of His Presence. It’s coming. It’s coming. 🙂

      Love,
      Mark.

  105. God doesn’t want you to live a life all alone, we need friends. He wants to live with you and through you. He wants you to get out there! He said “let your light shine so they may see you good deeds – and praise your Father in heaven. So get out there Jewelz! Go for it. Embrace your life and embrace people. Love them. Love yourself. Love God.

  106. Hi mark,
    This is a beautiful write up, I googled what God says about feeling empty and i came across your site. Am going to apply what you have said to my presentg situation and I know I will get results. Infact an feeling better just by typing this post.

    I taught I knew it all and all I had to do to overcome my present feeling of emptiness was to pray to God, read my bible and go to church. But u made it clear that I have to love myself, give myself boundries and enjoy doing the things I love.

    I really appreciate you for sharing this with me and what is so beatiful about this post is that you wrote it in 2006 and it is still makes sense 3 years after.

    God bless you sir

    • It’s is my greatest pleasure to hear that what I went through is bringing joy and healing to you and others. Thank you for being generous with your time to tell me your feelings.

      God bless you!
      Mark.

  107. I feel so empty inside myself I feel as though I’m dead with no life.I have been baptised.and did give my heart to Jesus I pray and ask god for help and it like talking to a wall, I can get more out of my dog than God.Everything I try fails.I have no income..I have looked and looked for work.Now I do not know who I’am any more..I have tried to kill myself before because I did not want to live like this.I’m already dead inside.I do not even know what Loves is any more, and all the church and tv mistery think of is SOW seed and you life will change BULL CRAP.I’m to the point I just do not care any more..and when i ask for help i get aaaah we do not do that any more. I ask chruch I use to got to for some moey for gas to get home on some time ago.I payed tithes to that chruch for 4 yrs.they dam sure dont mind ask people for a DONATIONA.whebn i was 4 year old I was molisted by a man where was GOD.and hear i’am 46 yrs old and no better than i was at 15.where is this God that i put my trust in.DEAD INSIDE where God at now NO WHERE..

  108. I feel so empty inside myself I feel as though I’m dead with no life.I have been baptised.and did give my heart to Jesus I pray and ask god for help and it like talking to a wall, I can get more out of my dog than God.Everything I try fails.I have no income..I have looked and looked for work.Now I do not know who I’am any more..I have tried to kill myself before because I did not want to live like this.I’m already dead inside.I do not even know what Loves is any more, and all the church and tv mistery think of is SOW seed and you life will change BULL CRAP.I’m to the point I just do not care any more..and when i ask for help i get aaaah we do not do that any more. I ask chruch I use to got to for some moey for gas to get home on some time ago.I payed tithes to that chruch for 4 yrs.they dam sure dont mind ask people for a DONATIONA.whebn i was 4 year old I was molisted by a man where was GOD.and hear i’am 46 yrs old and no better than i was at 15.where is this God that i put my trust in.DEAD INSIDE where God at now NO WHERE

  109. I want you to know that I am going throught some bad things and that Satan is distroying my marriage. I am selfish, lonley, angry, hurt, and so many other things. My husband has cheated 7 times that I know of and he has been talking to another girl again and trying to hang out with her and drinking again. We have two kids and I dont want to lose my family, but he keeps flipping out and doing bad things and I had to put him in the psyc ward again to get him help for some violent acts. I do love this man. I want him to find God and to get help and I know that I ahve not shown him love, I know that I am not the only one to blame, but I have been so hurt that I have not loved him and he in turn has not loved me. I want him to be better and I have to learn to forgive and forget things, I keep just bringing it up and I cannot get over it and I do not want this to completely distroy my husband, my kids, or myself. I love them all. I am just having such a really hard time and I really need prayer. I think that this was really helpful. I do have to learn to love myself, my childhood was horrible and I cannot have my kids lives being like mine is now. Please please pray for me and send any insite if you can so that i can have more GODLY insite. I love my husband but I am beginning to believe that letting him go is the only way becasue he tears me down all of the time and is distroying me. I cannot handle it anymore! I miss him, but I want him to be a good man and he is not! Please if you have it inyour heart to please pray, my heart is hurting so much and i know his is, he has to miss his kids and has to miss his home. we both need help and i need help knowing what to do and how to move past this and he needs help making it stop! please please help my family, we have little girls that i want to make a better life for and i need you to know that i am willing to do anything to keep my family together and happy!

  111. Felt empty, lost and confused, just typed the above name ‘i feel empty’ got this website. Inspiring, comforting and consoling. Just what l needed. ‘Ubuntu’

  112. i don’t have big troubles like people dying or cancerous stuff or car accidents or deformity or loss of limbs. yet i still feel empty.
    everyday i go through the motions. i go online in hope of finding something fun or to cheer me up. i read books to keep my mind from being paranoid. i go out with my friends for company. i go to church every saturday.
    when the internet seems to hold nothing more than peoples blogs that i have read, games that i have played, online shops to look at clothes, i feel lost.
    when i finish a good book, i really wish that it didn’t end so my dream can continue . eg. stephanie meyer’s books.
    when the day ends i go home and away from my friends, im alone again.
    when i go to church, i feel convicted but into the week, i am lost again.

    i don’t know how i am living so defeatedly as a christian. i can’t bring myself out. i don’t want to. im tired. its more comfortable here. i can’t do anything.

    ps. i write this because i can stay anonymous . i ‘ve never admitted this to anyone, not my friends, especially not people at church. i don’t want to admit it. im being lazy and idiotic , its not something i need holy people to remind me , i just need .. ?

    i don’t know what i need.

  113. I was googling feeling empty inside and I clicked at least 4 results before I came upon this blog type of thing which was this wonderful article. I read this article because I wanted to know what to do when I felt empty inside. I don’t have a sad abused story or having a real close person dying or anything like that, but I really related to where you say people may feel empty because they don’t feel nurtured. It really got me bawling when I read that babies sometimes die if they aren’t cuddled. This may sound weird, but I, at times. feel like a dying baby because I’m not “cuddled” very much as I wish to be. Especially since I love being hugged, it hurts me when I don’t get them at least once a day. I sometimes feel that emptiness or yearning in my heart area and never knew why I felt hurt there and for what reason I was crying or feeling sad and at those sad times I felt like I was burning from the inside out. I stopped going to church for a long period of time, but I still go to this Bible camp my church goes to and I absolutely love going there because in that camp you feel and see the love there for the people and they show me so much love and care and I’m not used to it so I don’t always react to it like I should. My parents are great people, but I hardly ever get to see them and they hardly ever give me hugs unless I ask them to and I just think it’s pathetic for me to have to ask for hugs. I always thought my rare sadness was because I never had a boyfriend and I would peg my emptiness on a random guy I thought would give me some sort of attention even if it was mean attention. Now I see what the emptiness was and I feel so stupid that I couldn’t find this out by myself and all those lonely night I’d cry myself to sleep because I thought something was wrong with me and now I realize it was just because I lack attention. God was the only thing keeping me from feeling totally worthless and purposeless because it says in the bible that we all have a purpose and that kept me up. Don’t think I don’t love myself because I do. I just think others don’t love me because I thought something was wrong with me and I couldn’t see it. Now I realize I just need physical love like hugs or kisses because I lack that and I want more of that in my life. Thank you so much for writing this and making my sadness go away. I love you for that. God Bless You!

  114. I’m suprised that God is leading me to love myself. I grew up having to work for love through being perfect, and feel guilty most of the time due to my imperfections. Loving myself, and being able to do the things I like, talents, is a gift.

  115. its great to c that other people r feeling the same as me and i am not alone in these feelings. It is so hard to understand how u can feel so alone and so empty and that even around friends u can feel so alone and in your mind your sort of outside and a viewer of these people. I have been feeling so empty, worthless and pointless. I hold anger towards my parents, im angry at them for having a bad relationship and doing nothing to change it. Angry at my dad for denying an affair he had to this day when i know in my heart he had as i read the txt msgs the I love you’s and the I miss u so much and need u msgs. This frustrates me so much and the fact my mother wont do anything about it and he dares to treat her badly. How do u let go of that??? How do u have a relationship as that mans daughter when i know he loves me very much but i cant let it go. My brother has muscular dystrophy and sits in his room 24/7 he is 22 and has dropped out of college nearly 3years ago and wont do anything. Im angry about these issues as they refuse to resolve them. This all has made me empty and hurting. I cant accept my fathers love and my mother is very bitter and angry all the time and takes it out on me. I dont recieve love and am afraid to recieve love and remain single and cynical.
    I am very aware of my emptiness and like others was having a sleepless night and typed felling empty inside into google and here i am. I was so loving to God when i was younger but somewhere along the way i lost my belief, probably when i lost the love i had been recieving as a child.
    It has been a comfort to see this. You have helped make me begin to see that love cannot be bad, if it makes you feel good let it. Im going to try let God be my friend again, and perhaps my dad, and to begin to let go of my burdens. Maybe i can help my family do the same. One step at a time.

    Thank you for this. It makes you feel not so alone afterall, i truly felt like the only person feeling like this like there was something wrong with me. Its hard but i feel God with me now through you

  116. I cried when I read this Because I feel like this all the time, ever since I moved in with my dad 3 years ago he wouldn’t let me connect to people he always(still does) stops me. I can’t goto my friends houses to hangout with them they can’t come over, he resticts from the world and he’s met some of my friends and he knows they are good people yet he still restricts from going to see them unless its for educational purposes like school.

    Can you give me some advice to get him to let up and let me meet people and be filled with love and not lonelyness. I pray to god but I need to be with people too. I always feel alone even when I pray. I’m 17 and graduated from High school and I don’t know how to get free from my dad’s control over my life. whenever I’m with a friend the feeling of emptyness goes away and I feel loved and happy.

    Please give me some advice I really need it to be free and to have love.

  117. This was inspiring. Its so hard wanting a dad, and seeing your friends connect with their father. Watching your mom struggle for years over money, abusive relationships etc. staying strong for her. And i am so relieved i dont have to stay strong anymore, i can finally let go. Give it all to him. On and off i have been close to God, but i wasn’t really, i was just caught up in the ‘church’ feeling. If you understand what i mean. Reading this helped me realize that he can be my best friend. He can be there for me when no one else will. After my friend passed away i thought he left, but i did. Thank you for showing me that. Truly, you have helped me more than you know. You’ve inspired me.

  118. Thank you for writing such an inspiring article. I am currently going through a rough patch in my life and have spent a lot of time being sad and feeling empty inside. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. After reading your article I feel a little better, like it really is going to be okay.

  119. I see I am not alone, I googled “feeling empty inside” and came across this page. I really could not figure out the feeling I have inside, it down right burns in my chest sometimes, but I was left so confused as to what was the root cause. This helped shed some light.
    I am in a long running relationship with my girlfriend, but it’s so loveless for me and verbally abusive for years. I am just holding on because it’s all I know it seems. I have forgiven her for all that she’s done, but I’ll never forget. I just need to move on otherwise I’ll always have this void inside me.
    I’ve always known something was missing from my life, I’ve been constantly search for something, but I never can seem to find it.
    But for the first time in years I’ve been able identify what’s causing this empty/burning feeling in my chest. I do need find a way to love myself again and find someone I can share that love with. Thank you.

  120. Thanks for your informative discussion forum that I learn to understand it’s difficult to retain a relationship when a partner doesn’t even have any initiaitve to hold and assure you when he has done some silly mistakes talking offensively directly at me. I find our gaps drifted wider in each day though we had been together for almost 2 years.

    I tried to ask him if he’s keen to go on a holiday with me in two weeks’ time and he said he couldn’t joined me as he has promised his dad never to stay in a motel overnight with me anymore. What a filial son he is, and he doesn’t realize what he has done telling me he’s not interested to go lurching me alone sitting next to him the whole night on my bus journey home. He didn’t even bothered to share with me his thoughts and mind, but only shifted the blame to me at the end of the day when he companied me home voluntarily. I had enough of the nonesense and pains enduring his senseless behaviours , and wanted to end this pain and misery. I feel very insecure believing in him anymore, and felt a withdrawn resistance to communicate with him either. He couldn’t bother to realize his own mistakes, and a pack of white lies to claim he would change his ways for me.

    Mark, what should I do right now? I can’t even find a good reason to hear his empty compromise within a second or so . I find no tears worthy to drip down for a man like my partner too. What do you advise for me ?

  121. I googled “feel empty inside” too. Thank you for writing what you have written, so much. It made me feel better. You’re helping people. Thank you.

  122. thankyou for this, although the part of love your neighbour as yourself, what if you dont love yourself?

    you love others and others love you, but you cant love yourself, that is my problem.

    thankyou i will try the prayer though ‘lord i want to value myself as you value me’ i will try this, i believe in the power of intention so hopefully this i can try and believe and make it work for me.

  123. So… as many of these people. I googled “feeling empty” and this is what I found. I am happy to find such a great page. both helpful and religious… It is a bit of a comfort to me. I have been in a spot lately. I am trying so hard to balance my life, I work and love my job, I spend time with family and constantly go do things that should help me feel better about myself and I still find myself in this same position everynight… Feeling so … empty and hideous… yet I know that I am blessed… I just don’t know what it is and why it wont go away? It keeps me awake at nite and just so alone.

  124. WTF !!!!! … If u ppl think sitting in ur room praying is gonna help …. Get a life … Go out .. Do somethin so that u feel good abt urself … I know its hard but we gotta fight … There is only one way out of this depression and thats da hard way … Praying to god aint gonna make a difference … Trust me jesus has no plans for your life .. Its all in your hands … And even if there is a god out there he aint gonna give a crap abt ur life unless you really do ….

  125. Wow.. before I actually read that I was feeling sooo bad, so empty, so sad, so unworthy… but right now, I’m feeling soo much better. Your words and advices cheered me up and I’m grateful for that.

    Continue on writting like you do, it will help even more people as it helped me.

    Thank you very much, and God Bless you.

    Lily.

  126. Hi Mark,

    I just happened to stumble onto your website. Like most people here, I do feel empty inside. for most of my life, I have felt like I have been and outcast. I was always seperated and compard to my older sibling. Everybody paid so much attention to her and she was the family favorite. She even has baby pictures and I have not one. Graduation time, my mom always went to her graduation and never mine. I was the only kid there alone without any parents, but she always made my sister’s graduation. The abuse had started as early as I can remember, physical and emotional. My father was never around but when he did come around, he always wanted money or something that I could help him with. When I was a little girl, I always believed in my dad, but he never came through. Till this day, I have been in very physical and emotional abuse relationships. I have three beautiful kids and I take care of them by myself and I love them very much. I always find myself of going thorugh this cycle of the same kind of relationship; me just like my father who are physically and verbally abusive and don’t care about nobody but themselves. I pray and I read the bible but my problem is I really have to get out of the habit of boxing God in like he is just like every other man. I prayed to God and ask him to show me why I keep making the same mistakes and to show me a better me; what he sees, not what I see. My self esteem is at an all time low. I want to learn how to love myself and value myself more and know what REAL LOVE IS and the person that God mad me to be. Many times I tried to get it right but I constantly keep failing on this. While I lay in bed at night, I cry and ask God to hold me tight and don’t let go and jsut love me for me. That is the greatest feeling I ever felt that God showed up at my loneliest hour when I needed him. I never want him to let me go.

  128. hi again my life like a roler coster i miss last year and my teacher i wish i could go back in time i fell so empty inside!!! im sapose to be the yong perfect girl im the yongest of five!! I DONT KNOW WHERE MY LIFE S GONE last year i stared lising to sad music that had messiges at first i thoght it was rather weird !1!!! i know the mesidge now i guss i should of chared last year now i miss every on and i dont know who i am !!!! i tyed felling empti and i found this thank you i fell a little beter know!!!

  129. hi again life flashes by you like a roller coster so hold on and open your eyes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  130. i completly understand you thank you for posting this online i read it and felt better i gues life not allways good to you hang in there i do thank you
    -Christina lynn mcginley

  131. I notice that many people found this blog by typing in “I feel empty inside”. That’s how I found it too. I fell into my depression by allowing myself to become emotionally involved with a man at work. We did not have a phsycial affair, but i allowed this man to capture my heart. We have since been transferred to different sections (not because of our relationship) at our work, so I see him very seldom. My husband is a wonderful man who has been on disability since 2005. My husband has multiple physical and emotional issues in his life that has led him to become disabled. I love my husband, but this man at my work really “saw” me as who I am and accepted me as I was. Every day, for a year, going to work was beautiful and completed me inside. I knew my emotions were moving into a sinful arena and I should have pull back, but I couldn’t. The love I was feeling from this man was unlike anything I had ever felt. This man is also married and we are both faithful to our spouses and feel very strongly about staying this way. However, when he was transferred, my heart broke in a way it never has before. I see this man about once a month for about 5 minutes as he passes through my new work location for meetings. It’s been almost 2 years since we parted, and my stupid heart is still broken over this emothionally sinful relationship. I have been doing the things you have suggested, but only since this past New Years. The good news is, it is working for me. Truly loving others as you would yourself is nothing short of a miracle in a person’s life. The power behind this must be Godly, because nothing else I’ve tried has begun a healing in me like this has. I’m still working on learning who I am and finding things to do with it. Thank you for your wonderful words of truth. I’m so happy to see so many others benefiting from it.

  132. Hi,

    I really feel empty inside and I do not know who to turn to.
    Nobody will understand what I am feeling so I stop talking. And it seems as though I have been pushing everybody that I know away.

    I am trying to respect myself but at the same time I feel guilty for thinking for myself. Does anybody else feel the same way? I just thought that it is just the way I am and I have to accept it. There’s nothing that I can do about it.

    But thanks for your words. It is as though you have went inside my thoughts and feelings and posted them up. It has been so long that I have been feeling this way and finally someone that understands what I am going through. I was never good at expressing my feelings and I find that it is because I didn’t know how.

  133. I’m feeling this hole inside my feeling for a long time, long enough that it throbb inside, sometimes i can dump something so i cannot feel the pain, but… looks like it reach its boiling point i guess.

    i don’t know what to say, but this feeling of empty just give me a lot of pain, i even can snap if i cannot control myself with head over heart.

    the pain isn’t come from rejected or relationship case, cause i don’t have that kind of feeling.

    i just wan to know, can i close the hole?
    it acting bad and hurt like hell…… full of negative feeling, anger, urge to hurt others or destroying something.

    i don’t know for sure, but it is getting bigger…
    anybody know a solution?

    i need them.
    help me

  134. I had a dream a couple of nights ago and I saw my ex, she was with another person. In the dream I was overcome by sadness and emptiness. when I awoke these feeling stayed with me.

    I tried dating again when the relationship was over but, it always ends up the same, no matter how much the other person feel about me I can’t seem to let myself love back. How do I get rid of these baggage and learn to love myself?

  135. I feel the burn, it comes and goes and seems to pop up when I actually think about what I need and want, and know deep down that I can’t seem to find out where to get it. The only calm is to talk to god for me. cry to him and smile with him.
    The thing I still worry about for myself is that it seems like I start to find out who am I. What I really enjoy, and once I get comfortable with the Love I ind, it runs and hides. irealy wish people could jusk ask for love from their significant others, but why is it so hard to get without so many explanarions that it means nothing in the end anymore. The fear is hard to repress that there is no way a mid twenty somthing person like myself will figure out what she wants. The balance with God and love, in all meanings of the word, like beauty everywhere, is illusive and seems so easy to start not beleiving in. This was a well written and inspiering essay. Thnxs for the realistic veiw! Love is so hard to come by and even harder to decide if iti si real. triles and tribulations adore some of the best of us don’t they. 🙂

  136. I am at a crossroad right now. I have fallen in love with someone and have fallen out of love with someone as well. I feel so empty and alone. Reading this post have helped me feel much better. I was right in deciding to work things out on my own. This might take a while, but I know that every step I’ll take will be worth my while. I am going back to basics, I am going to start within me. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂 God bless you!

  137. Thank you for posting this. I love how you emphasize finding and doing what you love, rather than finding out “who you are”. For such a vague idea, a lot of pressure is put on people to figure it out when really the most important thing is to be enjoying life, giving and receiving love, and doing what you feel is right. You have really thought about this, and your wording is very careful and very clear. Right now I am also in the process of learning to love myself and give myself the credit I deserve. It’s good to know from personal experiences that so many people feel the same way, and that even though it can take a long time it is possible to open up the walls while maintaining respect and protection for yourself.

  138. hi,

    i was feeling empty and googled feeling empty.
    i am 20 years old and have been feeling this way since i was
    16. i have been hurt so badly by people i love that i dont
    know if i will get over it. everytime i get close to people i
    find a way to lock them out and push them away. i wake up sad and empty and alone. i dont understand why im feeling this way. what is the reason. i am always sad and its hard for me to concentrate in school. i am a fourth year university student writing the lsat exam december.

    pls help me.

  139. Thank you for writing this i read every word and it has been a real blessing for me today. i feel like i have enough strenghth to get through today. God bless you!

    May God bless you too Richard! – Mark.

  140. I to thank you a ton for putting that mesage out on the Internet. It’s such a blessing. I did not relize the frist step to healing was to love myself and you have created a wonderful base platform for me to work on but I don’t know what to do next. Am I supost to find people that love me on a deeper level than a friend am I supost to find a good deep friend? My story and the reson I feelt empty was because of regection and with regection comes unkindness. So In response to the regection and unkindness I built my self a “wall” and isolated myself from others. The wall was mainly for the unkindness. My wall got so strong that someone could throw the most vulgar words at me and i would not efect me nor would I care. You could be thinking that to have that kind of wall would be great but it’s not when your the only one inside and there’s nobody to talk to or confide in. There was emptyness feeling then and like you said you used to fill it with worsiping a lot that’s what I did and still do but that fill dose not stay it leaves when you done worshiping. Tearing my wall down wasn’t easy. It took me 3 years to tear it down and about five to build it. What I plan on doing is rebuilding it but this time with people in it. What do you think about this? Should I rebuild my wall or no? What did you do after you finaly loved your self and found stuff you like to do and did them? Is there a next level? In closing thankyou for your time and for reading this.

    Tim carlson

    Hi Tim. Thank you for stopping by and for reading my posts. I don’t think rebuilding a wall is the thing, instead, learn about and build and maintain BOUNDARIES. Another thing that will help is to grow in your emotional understanding of things – and one way to do this is to read good Christian books about healing. Never forget that we are all fallen and you will never “arrive”. There is no group of healed people out there waiting for you to join them. There is no such group. We are all dealing with things all of the time. That’s how life it. It’s not just you, it’s all of us. The trick is to clean out the past and make good positive plans for the future. You will always be dealing with things, so they may as well be good positive things that you choose for yourself. God bless you! – Mark.

  141. I married for 8 years, have two lovely kids. I love my children ,
    But I can’t love my husband at all and his family, I just feel so impossible to communicate with my husband. He is insecure inside, no feeling understanding, no romantic loveing express at all. in my mind he always love money perpoty, his son over me.He dosen’t sleep with me, I sleep along for eight years or just let my children sleep in my bed around me. we seperate in the same roof, I am upstair, he is down stair. there are so many unhappy things happen, we can’t respect each other, he always opposite with me when I educate my children. I feel so along in this dead marriage, it really hurt my feeling. I can’t accept his talking and thinnking, it is awful and not beautiful. I met a young guy who is so hansome, since that I can’t forget him in my mind, when I feel longly and empty or along in the night, I just think of him. eventhough I didn’t really know him or contact with him. I just feel I am dead person, I am so admire other girl has really partner but I never really have one in my life. I go to church, I belive Jesus, but I still along, along, along. Who can help me, who can really love me, no kiss, no hug no everything in this marriage. He hate have careless accident on car or other tiny things, he can’t share his anything with me, cars, money, From my husband’s mouth, I just heard yelling, unrespectful word, heartless, rude word. Last night because he keeping nagging to let children go to bed, I have a argument with him, he said he will cut me dead that the word like this. I have been hate this marriage, I have been hate this wrong choice, but because I came this country along, have low income job, I don’t have encourage to bring my children leave the house to living along. I still depend on him to pay for the house. He never go to the church with me, he even don’t encurage his son go to church with me. The person’s world is so narrow. When I stay with him, I never feel inspired and happy.
    I have bad English, I can’t talk with anyone deeply or make friend even I want to. I have a devoice thinking for many years, I just feel I married with a stranger. i want to go, want to go, but where to go, I also don’t belive I can find hapiness again even though I deserve a husband who is loving caring understanding, supporting, give me deriction in my life. I deserve to be kissed, hugged, sleep together, eat together, open talking anything a really partner in my life.

  142. i am very much touched reading your article i think that is all i need to know. thanks is very encouraging

    Thanks so much for your encouragement Theresa! May God bless you for your kindness – Mark.

  143. Hi Mark,
    Greetings from South Africa!

    I am reluctantly writing to you as I probably know what you would say. Like many people who found your site, I was searching google, trying to see if I can get help for my problems. I am feeling that intense burning feeling inside of me, its far more than just emptiness. Its excruciating pain. When I get the attacks, i feel helpless, and, if its at night away from people, I cry myself to sleep. I grew up from a fatherless family, and mama was always away trying to get cash to send us to school. So, I grew up with granny, and suffered a lot emotional, and sometimes physical abuse. Interestingly all these years I never felt anything. But in 2002, when I was 23, out of nowhere the pain surfaced and I didn’t know what was happening with me. I just can’t find words to explain the pain Mark. Its eating me piece by piece. I have great friends who love me so much, but at times I just feel that they don’t love me. Perhaps I have a misguided impression of what love is. Well, if there is anything to feel, I don’t feel it. My second problem is that I’ve never, I MEAN NEVER, ever, had a meaningful relationship with the other sex (females). I am 29, and I desperately want to get married, but I just don’t love anyone. I don’t know how one feels when they love someone. I have tried to read about love, but as you would guess, so many people say so many different things about love, and I get confused all the more. I always lose interest in all my prospective partners, obviously with disasterous consequences and more hurt. I can never sustain a relationship. Don’t you think its very strange for that a 29 year old male has never had a successful relationship? I have never had a relationship that lasted more than six months? Please help, if you can, I am very desperate. I don’t even talk to my friends about my problems because I don’t know how to explain to them what my problem is, as I hardly understand it myself. I believe that I am a loving guy, in fact almost everyone around me think that im loving. I literally share my life with my friends and my family, but I don’t think I am getting the love back. My craving for me to love a woman, and to be loved back is deep, please help!

  144. I liked this site I want to love life again but its hard finding how I was a person who loved and was loved until I lost the last of my family recently my mum. I have no sister, no brother no parents. I tend to incline to thoughts like so what am remaining doing here?

  145. What you have written there describes completely how I feel right now. And it’s slowly kiling me from the inside. I don’t have any suicidal thoughts or anything,because I know that this is not worth it, but I really don’t know what to do and how to act. I wish to be happy and to make others happy, too. I need help, so I could start.
    But, just to let you know, it helps to know that there are other people who feel in a similar way, that I’m not alone.
    Thank you for this post.
    Best wishes.

    x

  146. What do you do when your boyfriends’ ex girlfriend was a drug addict. Got him to do drugs. He’s a local doctor. She convinced him to do cocaine & crack. She sinced died & he continues to idolize her. As much as we try to understand there’s only so much that we’re willing to accept. When all of his friends go to the wake out of a courtesy to him, it’s so disprespectful to me. And i’m not sure how i should feel. please help.

  147. Hello,
    I read this blog and it really helped realize something. I am only 14 years old and recently my mother divorced my father. I was really close to my dad. My mother always showed so much love towards my sisters and I. However, I have an empty feeling. I don’t know if it was from losing my father. I think it is because I got a different warmth from my father then I did my mother. And now that I hardly see him, I don’t have that extra warm feeling and it hurts. My mother doesn’t understand. I try explaining it to her but she still misunderstands. She basically thinks I’m depressed. And I know I’m not because I never was and I’m still not. Yes, and I totally agree with wanting a “warmth” hug because that is what I got from my father. I’m so lost and I want to find myself but it’s hard without my father. Thank you for this blog. God bless.

  148. A lot of things going on in my life. I can’t find the right job. It’s either I can keep it but feeling really stress out that my mental or emotional health suffers or I can’t keep it because I’m not qualified. You said Jesus has a plan for my life. What? I want to know so I can make a move. I wish there’s a formula for a happy life.

    These passed few weeks or make it years I keep thinking who to blamed for my misery. Myself, God or my Dad. I remember when I graduate from High School my grandmother wants to take me to USA but my Dad don’t want to because of his insecuries he said “My daughter might change and never listen to me and say give me freedom or give me death” so in other words I never have that chance go. In College, I want to study Computer Management he made me study Mass Communication but I failed my major so I have to shift to a History course as long as it’s liberal arts. Then when I was doing my thesis everything was fine until he didn’t like the idea of me traveling so I can finish my thesis, he ask me to change my topic so I don’t have to travel but unlucky I wasn’t able to finish anything because the Professor already approved my first choice the new topic is not good I can’t put myself to finish it. Then when I was about wasting time on a topic that I’m force to make because of dad, my dad decided I shouldn’t continue anyways he said “Women will just get married” and he said I have to manage the computer shop. Because of that I wasn’t able to graduate. computer shop closed because I turn it over to brother who mismanage it.

    Thanks to my dad I wasted chances in my life because of his wrong decision. He’s my dad what can I do? I have to obey him. We trusted him for all his decision out of fear. If you don’t do it his way there will be trouble inside the house. He was the King of the house no one dare opposite him, not my grandmother, not my mom, not my siblings. When he died 8 years ago people are free to do what they want except me. I felt stuck with everything. My two brothers are graduates so they can have their dream jobs but of course they have their own family now so I know they can’t help.

    I’m sorry, this is such a long comment. But I feel lost I don’t know what to do. I’m jobless our source of income right now is not so good. All my dreams are gone. I lost hope of making them come true. I been crying a lot and Don’t know if tomorrow will bring good news. I felt God just forgot about me.

    I have lots of dreams. I dream some day that finally I can go to LA, work, live and marry there someday. But I doubt that God will make it happen.

    I feel so tired. I just want to forget about everything. I can’t sleep at night, when I do go sleep I wish I never wake up if it’s a good dream.

    I’m not asking for anybodies help because I know they won’t. I tried our pastor he just indirectly turn his back and just say “will pray for you” When people ask for my mom’s help or mine, we help them but when it’s time for us needing help no one wants to help. My older brothers promise that when they earn big or extra money they send me back to college to finish my studies but years pass nothing! I know they rather spend it on something else. So I don’t expect anymore from anybody even from God.

    I want to runaway but I can’t I’m stuck, running away also needs money. My grandmother is already dead and relatives don’t care. It’s like everyman for his own. That’s why I become very distant to people. People are there for happy times when it’s trouble time, they can’t be found.

    • Wow…am touched……..I don’t know you…but I can tell you this God never forgets………trust him…..hmmm my mother has been praying for success for years am 19…she’s been praying n keep the faith till now…we still waiting……but she always says God has not denied us bread and water yet….if you ask her how are things………its tough. n it hurts…when I pray and am fustrated God hasn’t answered me I tell him I love him ,but for 15mins or more I wunt talk to him cause am angry….but he should remember I love him…then I start talking to him after a few hours.. stay blessed n hopeful…..life is tough GOD takes us through each day..he will make u great he
      never ever abandons his own!!!!!!!

  149. Hello everyone.. I was and still am born again.. A few years ago I fell into wrong choices, ended up in divorce and in the end lost my little girl who is now 18. I moved away, got remarried and I struggle with being accepted. I feel so empty still. I pray, I talk to God, I know he cares for me.. but I am hurt because my daughter has not spoken to me in a year. I struggle with sexual sins to this day and sometimes I feel so hopeless. I know the bible inside and out.. Frankly, I know God and his character as well… Why am I still struggling so terribly? I blame myself for the relationship lost with my daughter and the pain gnaws at me everyday like a cancer eating away my soul… I cant fix it. I have put it in Jesus hands but I remain so anguished… I feel like divorcing this man and moving back home to my first husband to this day still he adores me and is not remarried… I do not feel like I belong here but I dont want to hurt someone else… God help me

  150. hi mark!

    i came across your site yesterday and got to read some of your writings. i didn’t get the chance to comment yesterday because i needed to go somewhere and didn’t want to leave a message in a hurry.

    anyway, i’m jen from the Philippines (hope you know where this is, hehehe!). before i go to my point, i want to give you some background on how i got to know Jesus.

    i was in college when my friend invited me to attend a youth jam. I got curious on how these people live their lives without worrying about their academics where in fact we go to the most prestigious university in the country and how all the time they were happy. Yes of course, there was this factor of attending because there were cute guys there, hehe! As time passes, my motives became more pleasing to God I think. I became a small group leader and became part of the ministry. My life then was i think was on the right track until I graduated and started work.

    When I started working, I still get to attend Sunday services near my workplace but was not an active part of it anymore unlike when I was in college. That’s when I felt my faith was slipping away but try (by the grace of God) to hold on to Him by having quiet time every night and every now and then to have fellowship with my Christian friends. But still with the environment I have in my workplace, it is very difficult for me to stand up for what I believe in. Most or all of them are not Christians so they do not understand some of my standards until I became one of them. I started to become satisfied with the love/pseudo love that this guy (co-worker) is giving me wherein we don’t have any commitment or something. I became so engrossed with it not knowing that it will leave me nothing but hurt. To make the long story short, I look for love in a man, got hurt because it was not reciprocated. That was the first time I get hurt so much in my entire life. I became bitter, try to look for other ways to forget the hurt and told myself i will never put myself into that kind of situation again. Would you believe me that I think I forgave him already for doing such act even though he did not know it? We’re still friends up to this moment. While trying to forget him, incidentally, there was a new job offered to me and grabbed it. I thought I was going to have a new life here but things got worse. The more I fight the more I got deeper with my problem (looking for love in men). I cannot tell you everything in here but the hurt I felt with this man is much greater than the former. I feel used, abandoned and unloved. I also feel condemned because I feel I sinned against God. I asked for God’s forgiveness and everyday try to tell myself that He already did that long ago. The fight in my mind is difficult to endure. I see this guy everyday in the office. I prayed to God to take away the pain and bring me back to Him. Every morning and every night I commit my mind, heart and soul to God.

    I just want to thank God for using you/your blog to encourage me (and many others) somehow during this difficult time in my life. Thank you so much! I don’t have anyone to tell as of right now but rest assured I’m going to tell this to a friend in church whom I am accountable with.

    Really, your blog helped me a lot……God bless you and your family. Continue to encourage more people around the world. Smile!

    Jen

  151. My name is Craig, I’m 22. I’ve been going out with this girl for almost 2 years and yesterday she broke up with me. At one point of our relationship I was the one who wanted to leave, but after seeing her tears and hearing her cry about why nobody wanted her, I couldn’t leave her like that. I knew exactly how she felt. Growing up, my parents were divorced and were never around. I always felt alone but I never fell into drugs, alcohol or getting in trouble with the law. The way I felt about my parents was, why don’t you want me? And when I listened to my girlfriends words, it brought me back to that same sadness. Taking a chance, I stuck around after my first attempt to drop the relationship. I always felt I saw something in her I know other people didn’t see and it wasn’t a physical quality. She was over weight, soft spoken and had self esteem issues. At fist glance I already assumed she wasn’t my type but, when we talked, the look she had in her eyes were so familiar I felt drawn to her. As our relationship progressed, I would encourage her to go to the gym, be active, be more assertive and realize the beauty in herself. In time she lost so much weight and her self esteem shot through the roof. I couldn’t believe it, she resembled a completely new person.
    Life is a constant change and she ended up moving to Tallahassee for college. We were so committed, having a long distance relationship was no set back for us, at least that’s what I thought. After the move I noticed she started acting differently and I knew what it was instantly. With her new found look and attitude she felt she could do better then me. I felt duped. At first she wouldn’t admit it, but I questioned her yesterday in person, she had come down to visit her family. Even when we were together I felt the distance. So I asked her some tough questions and demanded the truth. She finally cracked and told me, she was bored. She said she wanted the single life, to go drinking with strange men and have casual meaningless physical relationships and it hurt me on the inside more then I could ever imagine. My best friend told me, “I don’t want you, I’m sorry but I don’t.” The energy it took me to get home last night, I have no idea where it came from. As I laid in bed, I prayed and prayed for sleep but my eyes were only closed. The emptiness was too much to bear and I wanted to cry but no tears would come. I was thinking of ending my life today but, I wouldn’t want my little brother to see me dead. I feel like I have no love coming into my life. I feel so drained. My ex has a large family with 10 brothers and sisters who support her so much and me, I have my dog. How much does a hug cost? I would’ve given all my money for one last night. Some people are so lucky and some remain restless and always wanting. If you ever pray think about me, it’s hard believing someone actually cares but maybe someone does. Thank you.

    Hi Craig. I am so sorry to hear your story. You had high hopes for this relationship, but it didn’t happen. It can be very tricky to choose a partner and then to decide how to live life with them, giving all you have to them. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and its hard to understand and ccept and forgive and try again. I know how that feels. But. The good news is that Jesus is able to make lemonade out of the lemons that life gives to us. You have lemons right now. He can make wonderful, refreshing lemonade – not just for you but for everyone around you and even those reading your blog. Go for it. Put women to the side and focus on Jesus Christ. Get your inheritance. Become all you can become. Be all He made you to be. A much better relationship will come later when you are ready. God bless you, Mark.

    • Your story absolutly touched my heart and I am so sorry. Its so hard to be the one that is rejected, just be glad that it did not happen in marriage with kids and a lot of other things to show for itself and haunt you at the same time. God is good and everything has a purpose. People do care about you. People you dont even know will read this and you will help them not feel alone. I was one of them. My husband and I are on the verge of a divorce because he wants to live the single life and to be able to go and do as he pleases! I am always at home with two kids and never get that same oppertunity. It hurts me deeply. I am so sorry. Things will get better. Just be faithful through the storm and you will see the raimbow at the other side in time!

    • hi im sorry of hearing your story, but think that theres people who care about you like your brother, and even people who doesnt know you like me ill have u im my prayers from now on, God bless you

  152. Have you ever surveyed a late fall landscape? Everything around you is in muted tones of brown and gray. The dral clouds roll in and obscure the warm and life giving rays of the sun. And you see a tree. A tree stripped bear of its bright green foilage. The tree is barren-save for one lone leaf. The leaf is brown, brittle and holding on with all of its might. For it is clinging to its only source of life. Once it is ripped away from the tree, it will wither and die in a world that doesnt even know it exists. It will be blown wherever the wind will carry it. Tossed here and there. Left to crumble into nothing as if it never was in the first place. I, often times feel like that lone leaf sruggling to stay alive, to cling with what little is left of me, knowing that my its just a matter of time before the winter winds strp me of my one source of life. I want to love a woman. But I don’t think I have the capacity to anymore. Why should I go into another relationship and put what I have; my heart, my all, my hopes into something that will end in s ball of flames. I leave with less of myself than when I went into the relationship. Who needs the hurt, the crushed hopes, the dreams that went unfuflfilled and the promises that were quickly forgotten and broken? I know Jesus is there and can heal me. I know He loves me and that He wants me to be happy. What is wrong with wanting to have someone ask, “how was your day”? What is wrong with having someone in your life who can laugh with you and give you cause to smile? I want to hear the words, ‘I care about you and for you.’ I want to share my secrets, ny fears, my hopes and dreams with a woman that can give me what I am looking for-love. I believe that I have to let go of that fantasy and just realize that God will have to fill that void for me. I know He can if I let Him. Please pray that I can achieve this. Never give up. Never quit on yourself. Thanks, Byron

  153. Pingback: How to fill up the lonely hurt inside « Faith. Hope. Love.·

  154. Hello mark,

    I googled “forgiveness” and found your site, I read the first paragraph of forgiveness and I cried.. I am lost, unsure of everything and I do not feel alive inside.. I have felt this way for as long as I can remember due to many bad experiences from abuse in childhood, to extreme anger at my mother who raised me alone and a father who abandoned me and her before I was born and a violent relathionship that went on for 7 years that resulted in a beautiful child – however all of the above have damaged mine and in turn my sons life.. I am truly grateful that he is the one good thing to have come out of that relathionship and give thanks for him everyday.. but it has all taken its toll on me over the years, my anger and not being able to forgive is like a paralysis for me… I am begining to see forgiveness as a weakness because the same people often wrong you again.. boundaries or not.. how many times can you forgive.

    I seem to have over the years only ever kept in my head the bad things that people have said.. silly when I have had more compliments than insults..( I identify with so many things you have said) My self love is at 0%.. the rage I am feeling is destroying me I have locked myself away from most people for the last ten years trying to minimise the contact I have because I feel I am not worthy..or that I will be hurt by getting close to people.. this is a waste of a life and I want to stop the cycle I am in but dont know how.. why is it that when one thing upsets me it brings up old hurts and I roll them all into one and I can be angry or tearful for days.. I am not a unkind person nor do I wallow in self pity, I try to keep my mind and heart open, I do good deeds for others my experiences has enabled me to understand other people who are in pain.. (I sometimes volunteer helping young persons with similar backgrounds) why can I move heaven and earth for other people and be so unkind to myself… I have tried affirmations and prayers but I have to say I want to believe god loves me but I feel so dirty is it really possible? I know that healing is a lengthy process but I want to be happy right now.. I feel I am emotionally bankrupt.

    I am writing this because I feel safe on this page like there is lot of love and goodness here.. thank you. I look forward to visiting this site often for more of your thought provoking words and the comfort they bring knowing you are not alone in how you feel is a huge relief.

    Hi Still Trying

    I hope you don’t mind, but I turned your comment into a post! How to fill up the lonely hurt inside

    Thank you for visiting and for sending in your comment. Your openness will help so many other people who also feel isolated. Everyone who suffers like this feels alone – that’s the problem, aloneness, a lack of love, being unconnected, not being in warm relationships – and then when someone who feels like they are the “only one” and they visit this page, they get to see just how many people feel isolated and hurt in this modern, money hungry world of ours. Hopefully we can not only get help, but we can begin to see how valuable WE are to OTHERS. We feel our need and our need brings us to this page… but perhaps now we can see the enormous need of OTHERS and we can see that we’re far from the only one… our ability to love others is what THEY need. We are more valuable to other people and to God than we could possibly imagine.

    You are welcome here all the time and I’d like to hear more of your comments on the posts I have written. I’d like to hear more from anyone who visits this page.

    God bless!
    Mark.

  156. my wife and i have split up. she wants a divorce, says she feels empty inside [thats why i looked on your site]. all my fault i slept with another woman [from my school days] this was almost 2 years ago now, i thought we had worked it out. we both go to church and have prayed so much over this. we have had counciling and guidence, but although she says she has forgiven me, i do not believe she has. i do love her so much and cannot imagine living without her, i know god has a plan for us all and i trust his judgement but i am getting so desperate and almost impatient for a happy conclusion.do i pray harder and wait? because just giving up is not an option.

    Hi Richard. I am very sorry that you are expriencing this. You guys are facing the issue, getting counselling and praying about it – give it time now, God can heal these situations when both people learn to heal and then learn to forgive. Usually the problem is not just the current situation, but the problem goes back many years to previous relationships or childhood. Keep learning, keep praying, keep, keep going to counselling. God bless you! – Mark.

  157. Mark, this blog was amazing. It was everything I needed to read. Thank you so much, God bless.

    Hi M. Thanks so much for your encouragement. – Mark.

  158. Hello, I found this website like many people in here typing “feeling empty.” Any advice on how to improve my life would be appreciated as I don’t know how to get rid of this void inside of me. I’m 29 years old and single. I get up and go to work everyday but I feel that I’m only surviving, while feeling that my life has no sense at all. I go to church almost every Sunday but I don’t find any relief or solution to my problem. I feel no drive to excel at the company where I work due to my lack of motivation. I’m so tired of feeling like a loser but I just don’t know what to do with my situation or my life for that matter. Is there anyway I can get a different point of view on this life? My life as a kid used to be better but this routine of my adult life I find it extremely boring. Thanks for taking the time by reading these lines.

  159. since me and my bf broke up recently, i dont know how to move on..that really made me feel so empty..since he came into my life, i became happy and alive..that i can face all the problems that will come my way as long as we’re together. but now he’s gone i dunno how to get up..i can’t get him off my system. just want to have peace of mind and go on with my life..hope this post will give me more advice and learn to forgive and forget..

  160. My mum and dad divorced 5 years ago because my mum cheated on him, my dad moved away and i see him twice a month and i live with my mum and her new partner and even though it has been 5 years i cry most of the time i just feel so empty and i try and stay inspired and write alot because it helps me but i have suddenly reached a point where i fell there is no helping me, i have an appointment at the doctors tomorow just to see what she suggests, but its been so long now i have become used to the feeling my mum doesn tunderstand and everyone tells me im stuck in the past, i find living with my mums partner tough, i miss my dad all the time but he cant help. And recently my mum has been diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer my dad tells me that however bad my relationship with her i still have to try because she hasnt got much time left, he also says when she does die i will feel that there is something missing in my life but i already feel like that and i dont want it to get any worse and i know it will, counscelling won’t help they dont understand, but reading your article has helped me in a way. thank you

    Hi Lost. I am very sorry to hear about how you feel. I know that losing a loved one is a very hard thing. I hope your appointment went well. In these articles I try to explain how to fill up that emptiness that you feel inside. I hope you will read them again and again and try to do something new in your life that will fill you up. May Jesus bless you and I pray that you will find the strength and the hope and love (in a good community) that you need. God bless you Lost, Mark.

  162. Hi for years I did not visit my inlaws as I felt they disliked me they were totally different from my own parents I had two children and both them and my husband had a relationship with them. My father in law passed away and now I am full of remorse and guilt that I was a bad christian and god will condemn me to hell. I am easily hurt by people and maybe I was to blame but I thought I was doing the best for everyone concerned at the time now I am so very sorry not resolving the situation. Please help me as I am so very depressed I just want peace of mind thanks

    Hi margaret. God knows and I know and you know that absolutely EVERYONE on this makes mistakes. God knows that we make mistakes and He sent Jesus to pay for all of our mistakes. So you and I are forgiven. FORGIVEN. So you can chil out and relax a bit. You’re not going to hell if you have Jesus as your Saviour. So you really can relax. Yes you didnt resolve it. Hey guess what, I made mistakes too. We all do. We cry about it, learn from it and we move on and DON’T do it again. Or at least I hope we learn and change. 🙂 God bless you! Mark.

  163. Hi Mark,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We need a beacon and your soul shines.

    May I share my experience? I am glad to have found your post, like man of my fellow bloggers here i typed in “feeling empty” and found you. Ten years ago I was very hurt but I recovered. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. Fortunately there were a million angels around to help me not hurt myself. It was bizarre, no matter what I was doing or thinking of doing they would appear and keep me safe from myself.

    The final piece in my puzzle was Bob. He fell into my life and we discovered we were soul mates. We felt happiness, we understood our pain and we healed. I have laughter lines all over my face thanks to him. Then 8 years later it changed badly. Bob moved away to study. The plan was he would gain a good education and we could start a family. In the space of a week he became involved with another person. His demons took hold and he changed. It looks like him, it has his memories but it is not the kind Bob we all knew and loved. Now there is no future, I feel nothing, my children have disappeared. I have no drive, no will to live. Now Bob wants to be friends. This is my soulmate, the man who promised he would never leave and would forsake all over women.

    I do things which I like. walking, listening to music, being with friends. It’s ok but the feeling doesn’t last. My strength has disappeared and I find I am being taken advantage of at work because i am not allowed to stand up for myself. Sorry to be a whiner. I actually don’t want to wallow.

    Hi Rebecca

    I am very sad to hear that you are suffering in this way. From what you have said, he has changed and he has chosen to move on with another woman. Ouch. That is a very hard situation for you because you still care for him. Being friends with him will most likely drag you through more pain and hurt – and I doubt you need that.

    My very best advice – and please remember that I am NOT a trained counsellor – is for you to try and grow inside yourself. That means to go places to meet more friends, develop *deeper* friendships with the people around you… in other words, fill you life with the warmth of *real* love. Get into a church or a home church/group/cell and let God love you through His people. If the church you attend is legalistic (not loving) then leave it. Try a few churches until you find one where you feel warm and appreciated.

    I know you said you are already spending time with friends and walking. You also said that you are around people who are hurting you and abusing you. Get away from people like that. I suggest that you need to feel the warmth of *real* love in your life… and it comes from loving *yourself* and from feeling love from healthy friends and family around you. When you feel this warmth then that will help you get over him and it will also help you separate from other people who are stripping by hurting you. Look after you by moving away from harmful people.

    Pray and ask God to heal you. This is my prayer for you. I hope that everyone reading this page will believe that I am praying it for them too. Please pray it for yourself, using your own name.

    May God bless you,
    Mark.

  164. Ive been honestly feeling so empty it’s overwhelming.
    I can’t understand how i can feel so content yet so empty.
    If i’m so empty I’m probably not actually content and since im writing this, but I’m not exactly sure how to phrase it. My family is not affectionate, we barely talk, my mom no longer lives with us, my father is engulfed in his own sorrow, and i push away everyone around me unless i can help them. I don’t know why, but the only people i can talk to are people who need help, and who am i too help someone when i cant even fix myself? I’m intensely busy starting my own business, working, volunteering, baking, homework, everything is being thrown on me. At night all i want to do is sleep, but i can’t, and like you mentioned in your post i just want a hug. It sounds so desperate but i’ve become desperate for that. Someone to hug me, so i can feel alive again. Its so hard to love myself, and hard to love others as a result, when you barely feel alive. Its hard to do anything for that matter. Please help..

    Hi patti.

    I can hear the cry of your heart so clearly in your email. You have a busy life and your life is full of people… but one crucial thing you said gives me a hint at the problem. You said “My family is not affectionate, we barely talk” and this is the problem for most of us. The problem is a lack of intimacy. Connection. Connectedness. Emotionally (not intellectually) feeling like you matter to at least one person – preferrably to many people. I wrote a post about how to build up intimacy. May I suggest you read it over: Creating deep intimacy (into-me-see) in relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts about it – and perhaps hear that you’re putting it into action in your life.

    May God bless you!
    Mark.

  165. Hi Mark!

    I’ve been here in California (US) for a year now. Sometimes, I do feel empty because of my loneliness being away from my family and for some other reasons..which I really cant explain.

    This is the first time that I had time to check other website or even read a blog of someone because I was surfing for Chris Tomlin’s videos and songs. Then, I came across yours. At first I was just listening how you sing…then I saw at the right side of this page..”Why do we feel empty?”

    For one week now, I’ve been crying every night because I feel empty. God has blessed me so much with everything that I feel I dont deserve these. My relationship with Christ has never been so close as much what I have right now with Him.He knows what I feel…then….when you said something about forgiving, letting go and not going back to that abusive relationship..that hit me straight to my heart. I’m in the point of making a decision and not sure if Im doing the right thing because of fear that I might make someone stumble. But everything now is so clear.

    I thank God for people like you who takes time to minister and reach out to those who are hurting. Im not exactly sure where you are right now, but you are a blessing. And not even distance can hinder us from sharing our faith.

    May God give you the desires of your heart.

    Your sister in Christ,
    Jenny

    Hi sister Jenny.

    Abusive relationships are not at all what God wants for us. Get out of that relationship IF the person won’t repent. And please remember, repenting means to say you’re SORRY and to CHANGE your ways. If they continue to abuse, then get out of there. Then work on restoring your sense of self, your understanding of boundaries and dig deeply into the intimacy that Jesus is giving you. You are very fortunate to have that. Make use of it.

    May god bless you!
    Mark.

  166. I just want to say that I’m amazed that there are so many people with this problem. I think the hardest thing about emptiness is you can’t get it fixed like a broken leg. THERES REALLY NOT ALOT OF HELP FOR PEOPLE LIKE US. You just end up feeling more confused and guilty when people, including professionals tell you to think happy thoughts. It’s more complicated then that. I think the thing we want to know is that were not alone and thanks to this forum I’m slowly finding that out and I’m so grateful to Mark and every single person reaching out and giving me something concrete to look at when I feel like I’m in the dark. Maybe we can all find some solutions together.

    Hiya. Yes there is SUCH a big need for people to be open about this and to find solutions. The solution starts with loving ourselves, then we can try receive love from others… and eventually we can “belong” to a group and become part of a community.

    What is emptiness? We can feel empty in a marriage or even when we have kids sitting on our lap and they are laughing happily. It’s not about bein alone or needing to have friends or not having a partner.

    Emptiness inside is a symptom of something INSIDE US. It’s a lack of self love or a symptom that we don’t feel loveable.

    As a child, the primary job of parents is to give children love and protection and we needed to be TOLD we are loved and loveable and acceptable by our parents. This is called INTIMACY. From a deeper relationship with people we get IDENTITY. If we received abuse, even abuse as a teen, we received the oppositve message – of not having worth.

    If we can understand what went wrong, we can understand what we are missing, then we can get a glimpse of what we need to FIX the problem. We need to build a strong and vibrant sense of worth and that we belong and we matter to people. We need to see our God given gifts and use them. We need to know who we are and what we are good at.

    The people around us might be telling us that we are loved, but maybe we can’t hear it or we don’t want to. Maybe we can’t hear it from God either. So lets start with loving ourselves. If we can start somewhere, like a rolling ball, we will gather speed and we will be able to accept God loves us, our partners love us… and that we belong and our lives are meaningful and have tremendous value.

    Abuse of any type – being ignored, physical or emotional, absent parents – it all strips us of a positive identity. BUT. We can fight and work to build a new stronger and more loving identity. I know we *can* BECAUSE I HAVE. Thank You Lord Jesus! Guys, let’s keep exploring this together. We matter.

    Love,
    Mark.

  167. I Just got to tell everyone “”THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH”” for sharing their storys, it felt like some of you was living my life in some of the Blogs…Sad to say but it feels good to know that im not alone, but Good to say that we are all looking to find some healing and thanx to Mark and Everyone for starting me of tonight on a healing trip that i know will not be easy but will be worth it..GOD Bless

    Sincerly,
    Anthony

    Hi Anthony and EVERYONE ELSE who have posted their comments.

    It is wonderful that so many people are willing to share stories – and in this way we can all learn we are not alone. I am sad to say that society is breeding loneliness (we can go to a movie with 100 other people in the cinema and still leave feeling lonely).

    It’s only by changing our lifestyles and changing the way we think that we can grow and recover. God is FOR us. He wants us to heal. But we also have a part to play, by ASKING for help, by following good advice, by making changes in our lives.

    Keep sharing… the truth you tell can save someone else.

    God bless,
    Mark.

  168. Thanks for this post, it really spoke to me. I feel “EXACTLY” like the things you’ve described. I typed in the Google search engine “I feel empty” and I found this site. I think your right, you have to love yourself before anybody will. I’ve always been the type to look out for everyone else but here recenlty I’ve had a bit of a set back. When I had my set back, it really made me look around and question where I was at in my life and “WHO” for that matter really cared. It’s sad to say that I only came up with “1” person and I felt that God wanted me to see that. Now, I’m not in church every Sunday but I do have a strong belief in the power of God and what he can do. Thanks again for posting.

    Hi Billy. I think the upside of knowing who are true friends, is that you can learn to recognize who else might make a good friend (and who doesnn’t). Then you can begin to learn about friendships, learn about giving and receiving, and build new and healthier and better relationships. God bless you, Mark.

  169. Mark, THANK YOU. I have been suffering from depression for years and tonight I was praying, and something told me to type what I was feeling into Google. So I typed, “Lord, I feel empty inside,” and your blog came up. It helps to know I’m not alone with how I’m feeling, and that there can be such a thing as negative Christian messages. I have always suspected that these gloom-and-doom messages were not good for me despite being “Christian”, and sometimes I feel that the devil uses these messages to attack people like me by making me feel bad about myself, preventing my growth as a person. I have even reached the point where I stopped going to church because the preachings make me feel unworthy and inadequate. It is good to have positive Christian messages to read for a change.

    I am very much encouraged by what I read in your post and it is good to know that the Lord has sent someone to be there before me so that he could show me other ways out of my problems, because nobody else knows I am this way (to all appearances, I am a happy and well-adjusted person, but a lot of it is pretend as I grew up feeling unloved and unwanted and the constant victim of verbal abuse and whippings). So, Mark, thank you once again. Thank you for putting emphases on loving ourselves, as the emphasis has always been on loving the neighbor and denying ourselves. THANK YOU.

    Hi Jenny. You are very welcome. God bless you, Mark.

  170. I’ve been feeling so empty inside lately and I don’t know what to do about it. It is just this feeling of being not like anyone else and that I’m all alone. I don’t even really understand it. On the outside everything would seem fine except the only thing would be the lack of a companion. But is that really so necessary that I have to feel empty otherwise? Thing is, I don’t think even that could be it. Other people don’t always feel empty being single, so why should I have to. I even have family that supposedly loves me, one really good friend and a few others I spend time with occasionally, but I still feel like an outcast. Is it that I can’t even feel love or that I’m incapable of it? I really don’t know. Hopefully I can read some more of your blog Mark and find out how I can stop feeling so lifeless and alone. Thank you for what you’ve posted, I really need something to help me with this.

    Hi Any. You are very welcome. God bless you, Mark.

  171. Several days of the month, I wake up feeling that big hole in my chest. It is hard for me to start the day, I feel like staying at home until I feel a whole person again.

    There is a hole in my chest. It is like something inside me is measing. My soul? I desperately hope that something fills it, but I do not what will do it. I have to start my day and igore the feeling, that helps me a bit. As the day passes I feel much better, but the very next day, I feel the same.

    I wish to feel normal.

    Hi Christy. It can be done. You can feel better and normal. Read these pages and put them into action in your life. May God bless you, Mark.

  172. Hey there,
    I am glad to know that I am not the only person that is dealing with this. I felt like I was crazy for a while because one day I just woke up and really felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. Its going to be a long tough journey ahead to figure out who I am and how to love myself, but after reading this article I am excited to do so. Does anyone have any other suggestions on how to figure out who you are?? Thanks!

    Hi anonymous.

    Figuring out who you are… how about simply making a list of things you like. Then adding the things you’re interested in doing, but aren’t yet. Then add the things you succeeded at in the past. Then add the things you did and simply enjoyed. Then add to the list of things you find fun. Add the people you like. And add those you don’t like. And keep adding.

    ALL OF THIS IS WHO YOU ARE. You are a collection of experiences and feelings and desires.

    God bless you,
    Mark.

  173. I came across your website after plugging in a few keywords on feeling empty, etc — I guess like everyone else here. You sound like you really have it together. I am afraid I am wasting my life by not enjoying it. I have always had bouts of emptiness inside throughout my whole life. But it seems to be constant now and I am not sure why. When my mother passed away 17 yrs now.. I felt as though part of my soul died as well. We had a close relationship … not without ups and downs but still close. Then 3 years after that my best friend passed away. Again another piece of me died too. I have two great children who are now adults….I struggled as a single parent (divorced twice) but managed to do a pretty good job. I have a job….go to church..have friends BUT something is missing. I pray everyday for strength and guidance. Friends always want to get together but I would rather be by myself. I feel I have a good relationship with God but then why do I feel this way? I just go thru each day…..not truly enjoying it. I have some health issues nothing major. I don’t want to be this way but don’t really know how to get past this. What am I missing? besides my life.

    Hi Sarah. I’m not a trained counselor and I *certainly* don’t have it together. I’m in transition (like you) from my past to my future. My past is seriously messed up – and my future is an abundant life.

    I prayed about you today, since I read this in the morning (my time). I get the feeling that these losses somehow blocked you up internally, emotionally. You’ve had some big losses and more than a little sadness (2 divorces) and it has somehow left you emotionally blocked on the inside. Perhaps you protected yourself from being hurt… and when we shut down our feelings to stop the pain, we also lose the ability to feel joy and happiness. Both are feelings. If we stop feeling pain, we also stop feeling joy. And then life passes by like a ticking clock – and we miss out on the good times and the potential of having a wonderful life.

    The solution is to get those blocked feelings out. One way to do that is to go to counseling and talk about what it felt like to lose those people and what it felt like to go through those losses. As you process the pain, you will begin to feel the joy and laughter and happiness of life again.

    Please remember that I am not a trained counselor… BUT I can assure you that I have learned that this advice is really true. And it works. the way out is to talk. To talk, talk, talk. Get the bad stuff out, so you can enjoy the good stuff.

    May God bless you!
    Mark.

  174. That is excellent advice. I like the seesaw analogy…makes it easier to understand. And very do-able. So appreciate your help.
    God bless you,
    Carrie

    No problem Carrie. May God bless you! – Mark.

  175. Mark,
    My sincerest thanks. What you are saying makes perfect sense in every way. Although I must say that my current husband and I have been through counseling before, with a Christian counselor. But my husband refused to go back after 4 sessions stating that “this is the way I am, and I can’t change that.” So I try to make each day as happy as I can in an almost sexless, almost zero intimacy marriage. I don’t expect miracles anymore but I will continue to pray for guidance, strength and wisdom. I have asked him repeatedly, “is it me, am I unattractive you?”, but the answer is always, “no, it’s just me and I’m sorry.” Where do you go from there? But I will not be in contact with my ex as I know it is totally unhealthy. Thank you for your time, I do appreciate it.
    Blessings to you.
    Carrie

    Hi Carrie. Ok, plan A isn’t working… no problem… let’s go for plan B. Your husband sounds either annoyed or he has given up or somethig like that. I know I have felt like he does. The GOOD news is that he wants to be accepted for himself. This is VERY healthy. And the second bit of good news is that he isn’t planning on leaving. So this gives you plenty of time and space to try something new that will help both of you.

    In plan B *YOU* go get counseling. You learn about yourself. You learn to have boundaries. You learn to love better. You learn about your needs and the needs of people around you. You develop a wonderful life and identity. Your husband won’t complain when he sees he has a mroe attractive wife, a wife who is happier in herself and she has more energy for the marriage.

    The reason can work is because of the “see saw” effect. You remember being on a see saw as a kid? When one of the kids on a see saw moves, the other kid is forced to move to keep the balance. Do you remember? So as you heal and enjoy your life more, your husband will find a second lease on life.

    You can do it! God bless you!
    Mark.

  176. Dear Mark,
    Your website is a blessing and a “very present help in trouble”. I feel as I have been living my life in quiet desperation for a very long time. More than 25 years ago I was happily married, or so I thought to a wonderful but workaholic husband. Keeping this as brief as possible, I had an affair and although my husband forgave me I wanted to end the marriage because I was so blind in love with this other person. Many empty years have gone by, with the constant feeling of shame and the burning questions..”what was I thinking?”, “why did I ruin so many lives and end the possibility of having kids?”. I have since remarried (15 years) to a good and kind Christian man who unfortunately does not know how to express love or intimacy. I realize that he cannot help it and I know only God can make things right for us but I feel emotionally dead. Over the years my former husband and I have stayed in touch peroidically and just recently had an intense conversation. I don’t think we have ever stopped loving each other and he has never blamed me totally for what I did. He has also remarried and we both know we will never leave our respective spouses because we cannot hurt them like we have been hurt. But the ache of loneliness within our relationships is devastating and the emptiness I feel now is more profound since we have had this most recent conversation. I DON’T know how to climb up from this abyss. I don’t know what to pray for or how to feel whole again. Many people who know me say they sense a feeling of deep sadness about me (they do not know about my issues) and I hate that it is becoming so obvious. I want so much to lean on my faith which has helped me throughso many hard times but I have come to a wall. Please help. Thank you.

    Hi Carrie. I have been through a divorce too, so I have an idea of some of the complication. First a disclaimer… I’m not a trained counselor.

    But you asked for my advice so here goes. Jesus said that divorce happens because one or both of the people have “hardness of heart”. So my advice to you is this. With God’s help YOU CAN turn this marriage around and have a loving and wonderful relationship with you CURRENT husband. So I would suggest you and he go to counseling and totally commit yourselves to honesty and growing a healed and soft heart towards one another.

    If it is possible, I would suggest you have as little to do with your ex-husband – because that is a complication that is having a bad effect on your currently marriage. I suggest you COMPLETELY commit yourself to your present husband and he to you. Together you guys CAN work things out. It might take 4 years, but you can.

    The reason that divorce rates get higher and higher with each new marriage (2nd, 3rd, 4th) is that deep down we hope that someone new won’t have the problems that the PREVIOUS person had. But we fail to see that half the problem was in OURSELVES and we don’t improve OURSELVES. If I get healthier in my thinking, I will attract a healthier partner. You are already involved… so your best choice is to GET HEALTHIER and your husband can do the same thing. Then together you can grow old deleriously in love and happy. BUT ONLY if you put in the hard work to heal YOURSELF and he is willing to do the same.

    Don;t hope for the best. The grass is NOT greener over there. A new person won’t make any significant long term difference. Soften your heart. Get healing. Work on your marriage.

    May God bless you,
    Mark.

    BTW for anyone else reading this, my advice applies to relatively healthy marriages. NOT to a marriage where there is abuse and sexual or physical violence.

  177. Hi:

    I came across your site when I was finding ways/tips on dealing with emptiness. I personally felt that God was leading me to your page because I feel much better than I have been feeling in a couple of days. The sad part is that I am only in my early 20s.

    Sometimes I feel like all there is to life is work and dealing with domestic issues and where I live it can be hard to see the fun in anything.

    I guarantee you, that whomever reads your blog will be blessed and grateful that they did. Thank you and God Bless You!

    Hi Ashley. You’re not alone. The feelings and experiences you’re describing are very common and growing in society. I know it’s a bummer to be in your early 20’s and feeling this way.

    I really only saw my situation and STOOD UP to face it and begin to outgrow it when I was about 34. I’m 38 now. I’m doing extremely well now.

    It might take you a year or two, but in Jesus Mighty Name I know that you CAN and WILL put off that old man and put on the new abundant living man that God has for you. The only thing that can stop you is… you. God is for you. I am for you. The potential is there. You have options. The only way for it to not happen is if you refuse to change, heal and grow.

    Passivity is our enemy. Faith in Jesus must lead to actual changes in our behavior. Faith in His ability to provide leads us to live a bit more boldly. Faith in His ability to bring friends, if we ask Him to. Faith to heal our emotions, if we ask Him to. Faith that we can have a better life, free of the past, if we ask Him to and we gradually unlearn the old habits and learn the new ways.

    Don’t think that you can do it all on your own. But also don’t think that just a “positive thinking” style of passive faith will do it either. God wants a RELATIONSHIP with us. Prayer is TALKING. So get talking. Tell Him what you need and what you want. Ask and keep on asking. Maybe have a read of this post: https://achristian.wordpress.com/2007/04/22/fantasy-stops-us-growing-into-adults/

    By walking with Him, I have come through to a life more intimate with Him and more blessed than I could ever have imagined. You can too, it’s your inheritance. He died to set us free!

    God bless you!
    Mark.

  178. Dear Mark,

    I went onto Google and typed in “feeling empty inside” and your blog came up. I read it with keen interest and hope knowing that I’m not the only one going through this. I met a very special man about 4 months ago – we dated for 3 of those four months and he has now called it off romantically – he still wants to be friends and I’m very happy to be that to him.

    The only problem is I know there is more feelings from his side, but he has been hurt so much in the past that he is afraid to give of himself completely – this in turn is hurting me because I have so much to give him but he just does not want to accept it.

    I’m really feeling anxious, hurt and confused – there is an emptiness inside me that I have NEVER felt before and all I want is for him to come to his senses. I’m not concentrating on anything and trying anyway to help me through this. He really is a great person and friend and I never want to loose that – but it hurts so much. I’m loosing weight, not focussing my studies or work and I’m so afraid of what the consequences of my emotions/actions are going to be on my life. How do I let go and let God? I so want to be with this man right now so that he can hold me and tell me everything will be ok, but I don’t want to push him further away because of my feelings of insecurity. What must I do – HELP it really hurts.

    Hi Moon.

    So what you have said here is that he has told you he wants to break it off and he did break it off. You suspect he has some feelings and you certainly have feelings. But the thing is, he has free will and he has used his will. By cutting it off, he has made a statement – and you can choose to respect him and accept his statement.

    It’s his life and his choice. He has made his choice. You now need to decide if being a friend is too hard for you and if it’s healthy for you. You must look after you. He’s not the only fish in the sea! 🙂

    When my ex was off doing other things, I had these thoughts too. Eventually after months and months I learned to say this to myself: has she *SAID* she wants to be here? No. *IS* she here? No. Did she *SAY* she would come? No. I had to accept the reality as it REALLY IS right now. Not think about hopes and promises. Just the here and now.

    When we do this, we get free from imaginary dreams. Then we have to face that inner emotional stuff. Sometimes it’s EASIER to focus on the other person rather than focus on how we feel. But when we get real, we then can begin to heal what is going on on the inside of ourselves. Does that make sense?

    You need love right? Well… You can love you. You can find a loving church. You can find loving friends. You can take care of you. You can do things you enjoy. Maybe volunteer your time to a good cause where you will meet people and help people less fortunate. Get out there and enjoy yourself. Love yourself. Do the stuff you enjoy… it will help you love the life that God gave you and that Jesus died to provide you.You can be all you can be in your life. God loves you. God wants you to LIVE happily.

    You can do it. I know you can.

    God bless you,
    Mark.

  179. I feel very unwanted and not needed by my husband and teenagers. I so want to be a part of their lives but due to my job and schedule I can not always go on mission trips and church camps like they do. My husband is a pastor and I have two wonder teenagers 17 and 19. But, lately I feel as if God doesn’t want me to be a part of their lives. That I am not needed. I so long to be in the mission field. But I pray daily for this and am getting where I feel I am not good enough for God to use or good enough to be with my family. Please tell me how to deal with this!!!!!!

    Hi. I’m sorry for the late reply. My very best advice is for you to read this post and then read all the posts that it links to. You CAN grow. I believe in you and I believe in God. You CAN have a wonderful life WITH your kids and your husband. You CAN have dreams AND pursue them WITH your husband. Read that post and read the other posts. Look after yourself. Make good friends. Get hobbies. Grow. Prosper. Pray and ask God for the things you need. Love the people around you. Love yourself. You CAN do it. I believe in you and your ability to prosper. May God bless you as you go forward positively in your life WITH your kids and husband. You can do it! – Mark.

  180. Mark, what you are doing is amazing, and God and I love it!
    The one thing that is sad that, i know this is confusing, but while i am worshiping God in my room, away from the buzsing social life, I have an empty place inside. Just a spot in my heart that isn’t filled. And i think I have a good relationship with God. I have no “Best friends.” and no certain likes for anyone too much. And i know God did this so i would draw closer to him. And although it gets lonely sometimes, its helping.
    In school, i am dealing with this person who is very negative on every aspect of life, and she only has me to hang with because no one else can stand her, or they refuse to take her in. She is not really helping me become happy. What should i do?

    Hi Jewelz.

    You didn’t include your email, so I can’t let you know that I have replied to this comment. I pray that God will bring you back to this post so you can see my reply.

    Almost all problems between people AND also within a person seem to be centered around poor boundaries. Abuse of a person is when the ABUSER doesn’t restrain themselves from breaking the other person’s boundaries. BUT abuse also happens when the ABUSED won’t value themselves, so they don’t protect themselves by maintaining firm boundaries. Parents hurt their kids (not respecting the kids boundaries) and people hurt one another by breaking through boundaries.

    So my concern for you is that your friend doesn’t value herself and isn’t growing strong in her identity – she might not be a good friend for you to have.

    I have found out that we should not confuse ministry with friendship.

    FRIENDS are good people who respect our boundaries. They are good for us. They help us grow and we help and affirm them.

    When we MINISTER to someone, they usually take from us, they don’t often give back much. This is ministry. It is NOT friendship.

    Or to put it another way… when I meet someone and I think “oh, a poor lost lamb that needs help” I know I am going to minister to this person. I try to remind myself not to expect them to give equally and not to put them in the category of FRIENDS. It’s ministry. Me helping them. It won’t be an equal relationship. They don’t often give back as much as they take.

    But if I meet someone who is my equal and who gives and receives and leaves me feeling wonderful… I know that is a healthy friendship.

    I guess you have to decide if this is a healthy friend or someone you want to minister to.

    God doesn’t want you to live a life all alone, we need friends. He wants to live with you and through you. He wants you to get out there! He said “let your light shine so they may see you good deeds – and praise your Father in heaven. So get out there Jewelz! 🙂 Go for it. Embrace your life and embrace people. Love them. Love yourself. Love God.

    God bless you
    Mark.

  181. I can relate to many things on here……..here’s my deal……..

    on the outside I look like I have the perfect life…….I have a husband who works hard and provides for our family so I can stay home with our two daughters (now 12 and 7)

    I feel guilty saying it, or thinking it, but sometimes I feel like my life is incomplete cause I can’t find ME in it……….I am 40 years old and struggling with knowing who I am………not what my parents want me to be, or my husband wants me to be or what my church wants me to be……

    ………….how do I find myself so that I can learn to love myself?

    So that I can love others and accept the love they offer?

    ………part of me wonders if there is some degree of sin in my life that I actually enjoy and don’t want to give up because I THINK it is bringing me joy……..when actually its destroying my chance for happiness……cause that’s the way Satan operates….he makes us think sin is fun and will bring us happiness…….and tells us just a “small” sin isn’t really a sin……

    What do you think?

    Hi.

    I think you’re right, that sin can be fun right away. But it destroys and in the longer term it slowly hurts us and the people around us.

    I think that God is trying to tell you something in the revelation that you’re having. He’s saying – YES you need fun and pleasure in your life.

    So get out there and have some good healthy fun. Really. What do you enjoy doing? You don’t need to change husband or children, just have some healthy fun. Dance with your husband. Learn a new language. Embrace something good about yourself. Do you like knitting? Do you like running? Drawing? Do a course.

    There are MANY wonderful and healthy things you can do which will add pleasure to your life WITHOUT resorting to “sin”. Good healthy pleasure will lift you up, lift your family up and make you stronger inside. GO HAVE SOME FUN and grow yourself.

    God bless you!
    Mark.

  182. Hi, I really like your blog and somehow it made me a bit better. There are just times that I want to rest and get away from it all. You see I am an active leader in our religious organization,and I’m just overwhelmed sometimes of the job I’m handling. I’m assigned most of the work and I feel burnt out already. I am also a high school teacher.I want to rest and lie low for awhile but I feel guilty of leaving the work behind. Also I can’t do the things I want to do because of financial difficulties ( I help pay the bills of my parents). Another thing is that I still don’t trust my boyfriend even if I forgave him. Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t cheat but it’s a case of broken promises. I’m afraid of trusting him esp. with my future. We planned to get married but because he made wrong decisions that affected our plans made me have second thoughts about our relationship. Along with my service and emotional problem, I still feel hurt and empty. I know God loves me, and this will pass, but I just hope & pray that God will speed the healing up a bit.

    Thanks and God bless!

    Hi Shellany.

    Thank you for sharing yourself. You’re a generous person.

    Let me share a bit about me. I thought I was being “generous” until I came to learn that other people were abusing my generous nature. Those feelings I was having of not feeling safe or secure was my built in God given warning signal that I was allowing people to take advantage of me. I didn’t understand strong boundaries and the need to protect myself from abusive people who break their promises often. Healthy and good people don’t do that.

    I had to make some changes, protect myself, get healthy and find healthy friends. God guided me through this process. He is a good God. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

    May God bless you and keep you safe,
    Mark.

  183. Mark,

    You have an interesting blog going here and one that I really need to take the time to sit down and read more. A lot of what you say in this entry makes sense to me, all the way up to the part about loving myself first. Well, even that makes sense, but I don’t know how to do it. I grew up pretty emotionally isolated, so loving myself is a foreign concept.

    I would very much appreciate your prayers in this area as I try to get back on my Christian feet and live the life God wants me to live.

    Thanks,
    Aaron

    Hi Aaron

    I know just how you feel. Believe me. The way out depends on where you are at, what you’ve learned, what you perceive. I had to learn ALL of it for the first time. I had to learn about the need for having boundaries, which requires me to value myself and WANT to protect myself. To value myself, I had to speak positively to myself, to believe that I am worthy of His love, worthy of care for myself. This kind of growth and change is a from-the-ground-up thing. It’s not easy and not quick. But you probably already know that. If you’re at all confused about whether Jesus and the bible wants you to love yourself – then read this: why does the bible say to love yourself?

    God bless you brother. You can do it. You’re worth it. Care for yourself.

    God bless – Mark.

  184. When I feel lonely I slip away and pray, mostly to feel better I give God the praise and worship that is His. And slowly the lonliness go away.

    At times the lonliness lingers as if Ihave no say then I remeber I can do all things in Christ and ask Him to sit with me and I talk about all the things that I think might be bothering me or is bothering me, then I get still to hear what He has to say. By then the lonliness has gone away. Who can be lonly while praising, playing with, talking to, and worshiping our loving Father? Sometimes it isn’t so easy to get started after a hard day but if you will just open your mouth you will find it gets easier. love you much thank you for allowing me to visit.
    catherine.

  185. Pingback: Emotional healing… what’s it like?·

  186. I was sitting here all along again. I thought of google so I typed up (why do I feel so empty and alone) and I got this. o.k. I know I’m told to find something that I like to do. but I don’t have no drive. I have been hurting in the inside. I can’t find a job? I look and then I get turned down. I don’t get the love I want from my husband and we have no kids. I like children alot but we have no children. Every time I see children with familys I feel so empty!!! I want to be happy, I try to be kind to others but my anger just comes out and I take my pain out on them. Then I want to be alone and when I am I hurt even more!!! Why is life so hard. I never thought my life would feel like it does every day. I don’t want people to feel sorry me. I want help, I go to counseling. now she wants me to get help, it’s just one thing after another and I don’t have money. I don’t want my husband to pay for everything. I don’t want him to to know that I feel this way. He does know that I get sad and he thinks it’s because I don’t have a job. I love the Lord and I know that he love’s me!!! but I just hurt inside and I don’t know how to handle this? Sometimes when I do talk to my husband he ends up angry about this issue. Because he don’t like to see me this way. He don’t know how to help me. I need to help myself some way.

    Hi Deanna

    My best advice is to keep working on yourself. Just keep learning and keep asking God for healing and above all, learn to be good to yourself. Find hobbies. Fill up that inside space by loving yourself and by listening to what you’re feeling and meeting your needs. Be good to yourself.

    Bless you!
    Mark.

  187. Hi there

    Sorry about my delay in replying. I am sad to hear that you’re in that place in your life. You are not alone. Although not many people talk openly about it, I know for sure that many many people feel empty. It’s a problem in modern society.

    I hope that the posts on this blog will help you work through it and get healing.

    Bless you!
    Mark.

  188. hello. i also googled “what to do when you are empty” and got your post. it helped me by reminding me that i am not so alone. thank you for your advice.

  190. Hi Janet

    What you’re going through is tough. No doubt about it. I have TWO close friends who are going through this at the moment – and neither have a loving partner to help with the burden. And yet it’s tough on everyone, no matter what.

    But the solution IS simple. Healing is needed and that inlcudes things like boundaries. That’s why the post is simple. But the DOING is hard. And it takes time to change a life. Step by step.

    This site
    http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/
    has lots of good advice on how to deal with difficult ex’s. I hope it can assist you.

    Thanks for visiting. Thanks for sharing. I pray that God will increase His presence and His hand in your life.

    Bless you,
    Mark.

  191. you make it sound fo simple. I have a loving husband a great job in a christian school a wonderful church but my ex-husband ripped my 10 year old on out of my life and although I can tlk to him on a daily basais long distance, my ex refuses to answer the phone and lawyers are very very expensive.

    • hi. have you tried contacting the legal aid office in your local area to speak with someone about your case? i think they charge you based on your income. do some research on it or look it up in your local phonebook. hope it helps.

  192. Hi ep
    Thanks so much for your encouragement and kind words. As you have read, I came from this background and have mostly recovered from it. Lots of my posts are hints and tips about recovery – not just spiritually, but practically and emotionally. I have just today written two posts that might help as well.
    Jesus came to give us an abundant life – Part #1
    Jesus came to give us an abundant life – Part #2
    I hope you keep visiting and I pray that He will bless you and restore you and that your past will be used to His glory and to give you a fulfilling life as you help others.
    Bless you,
    Mark.

  193. I googled “I feel so empty inside” and found you. I can especially relate to your “I was so used to being alone that I didn’t recognise their love, I didn’t know how to respond to it and I couldn’t respond back.” How awful is it when people reach out and want to show you love, but there’s nothing inside to give back to them?

    I’m really enjoying your blog. Thank you! And God bless you!

  194. I definitely know how you feel. I have felt guilty for feeling good on many occasions. I have felt condemnation for even thinking someone could love me. I know my wife loves me, but there’s a block there. She makes me feel good about myself, but only to a point. I’ve got to find out how to love myself once and for all – for my wife and kid’s sake, but also for my sake. It’s happening, but so slowly. I’ve tried before, but didn’t keep it up. I’m going to stay in counseling as long as I can until I get through this. Thanks for a great blog.

    • Wow. I’m really glad I found this and I thank you for making this blog. I realize I’ve been stuck in prison in my mind and God doesnt want me to just deny myself . He wants me to have a good life

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