I’ve noticed that I have minor identity crises (followed by a much better experience of life) when I get a lot of spiritual freedom and when I grow emotionally. Usually what happens is that I come home and walk into my house and I feel like my house is someone else’s… I say something to myself like “My house doesn’t look like me”. That’s a sure sign that I have matured, grown or evolved somehow.
That is what happened to me when I got back from my 2 month trip. I came back to my own life and thought… “oh, I don’t look like me!”. hehehe. But it only usually lasts a few days.
As I walked into my house last week I noticed how empty my house was. I returned to Aussie full of life, full of energy, full of vision… and the home I returned to didn’t look like me. I was confronted by the old me. Ugh. And I didn’t see how the new me could fit into that old house.
So I just accepted that I have a bunch of things to change, lots of things to emotionally upgrade so they catch up to who I am now. My awesome friend Rob gifted me with a romantic picture of a couple – and that has become the center piece of my entrance to my house, along with a water feature and a glass table. So that looks like the new me now.
Rob and Bryce came over for DVDs last night (Bigger than the sky… which I enjoyed) and I went to church in the morning and so many people were happy to see me. I felt like I fit in. Brian did a great sermon and I plan on publishing some of it here in the next few days, it was very emergent… an emergent church… even though I doubt Brian knows about “emergent”.
So in my home… I moved some pictures around, took some down… filddle and faffed a bit. Things are slowly taking shape… my home is looking more like “me” now. Bit by bit. I’m still sleeping in my spare room though, I just don’t feel comfortable in the room I used to be married in. That’s quite a telling thing right there, although since that was SO MANY years ago I don’t get why it’s an issue now?! I might turn that room into my praise/prayer room – it’s a good size for that.
My jonquils, tulips and daffodils are coming up (it’s spring here) and that’s gorgeous. My roses will shoot out soon.
So… that feeling of identity crises was me going through change. It was surprising and it felt very threatening, but now the change is becoming wonderfully rewarding as I express myself, enjoy my house and enjoy the warmth of my friends.