Absolutely all of this is pilfered from this brilliant site. It used to be one of their quizzes. They dropped it but I still have it in Excel and I still use it. hehehe. They used to have 100 questions, but I’ve trimmed it down here.
Know what you want
God wants us to be happy. Think about Adam in the Garden of Eden – He said “be fruitful and multiply”. What can you do to be happy? Do you know what you want in your life?
Let go of your past
Most people collect unpleasantness without realizing it. Every time something unpleasant happens to you, it goes into a huge sack of other unpleasantness weighing heavily on your back. You can’t move forward in life — and especially in relationships — with this baggage.
Here are some things to consider. Can you say yes to these? If not, please work on each one until you can say yes to it.
- I do not often think of my past hurts or failed relationships
- I hold no anger or resentment toward any of the people in my past
- I have forgiven each of the people in my past
- I am not hoping to reconnect with people in my past
- I am not angry or resentful at the opposite gender
- I do not make sweeping statements about how the opposite gender is or isn’t
- I do not look down at, am not jealous or angry at the same gender
- I have forgiven myself for past relationship mistakes and choices
- I do not talk to myself badly about what I did in the past
- I am grateful for my past relationships – they helped make me who I am today
Know your needs
Everyone has needs — that’s a part of human nature. In fact, our needs create relationships. The giver and the receiver both feel better and more connected when each other’s needs are voiced and met. Yet most of us are uncomfortable asking others to meet our needs. At the same time, we enter relationships to get our needs met. See the paradox?
Figure out your needs, and then figure out which ones need to be met by your partner and which ones need to be met by other people. Get them met!
Here are some things to consider. Can you say yes to these? If not, please work on each one until you can say yes to it.
- I know everyone has needs, including me
- I know I have needs and it is vital for them to be met
- I know that someone I just met can’t meet my needs
- I know my key needs
- My top three needs get met everyday, by me
- I know the difference between healthy needs and being needy
- I recognize which situations set me up to feel needy
- I practice great self-care when I feel needy
- I consistently take great care of myself, all the time
- I have a Godly solution to some of my needs
- I get my needs met by me and friends/family
Draw your boundaries
Boundaries are there to protect you and to help you honor your needs and wants. You know you have boundaries when you can choose to say yes or no to something, someone, or a situation. You know you have boundaries when you can stop a situation that is hurting you. You know you have boundaries when you know your needs and ask others to respect them. Having boundaries makes you discerning, gives you self-respect, and inspires others to both respect you and treat you well. This is valuable skill to learn.
Here are some things to consider. Can you say yes to these? If not, please work on each one until you can say yes to it.
- I can say “no” when I need to
- It’s important for me to have boundaries to protect me
- I know clearly what my boundaries are
- I do not let people cross my boundaries
- I have a way of setting boundaries that does not offend or push people away
- I make sure I am heard when setting my boundaries
- I am being supportive of other people when I set boundaries
- I am the most important person in my life (apart from God)
- I gently but effectively educate people about my boundaries
- I respect and honor others’ boundaries
Get connected
Build a community. Get people into your life to meet your needs, to support you, to nourish you. Many people want to simply find “the one” or hope they have found “the one,” and then proceed to isolate themselves. What a stress on a relationship! Can you put all of your needs, wants, desires, and interests on one person? Do you think all of your needs will somehow be met by your Prince or Princess Charming? We all need community. We have too many needs for one person to meet them all. Get connected, and stay connected.
Here are some things to consider. Can you say yes to these? If not, please work on each one until you can say yes to it.
- I engage only in activities that bring me great pleasure and joy
- I no longer engage in activities to meet a partner – I participate for the sake of fun
- I am being me at all times in all situations
- I never use sexuality, power, or money to attract partners – I let them be attracted to who I am as a person
- I don’t expect everyone to be attracted to me
- I no longer require attention from everyone
- I don’t compare myself to others
- I readily participate in activities rather than sitting at home
- I surround myself with loving supportive friends
- I am building a healthy, vibrant, loving community of people around me
- I have dreams and goals for my life, with or without a partner
- I am working on achieving some of my life dreams and goals
- I am living my life to the fullest
- I know what work makes my soul sing and I am doing it or working on creating it
- I know what my life purpose is or I am working on figuring it out
- I know what I contribute to others or I am working on figuring it out
- I know how I want to spend my life or I am working on figuring it out
- I know where and how I want to live or I am working on figuring it out
- I know the legacy I want to leave behind or I am working on figuring it out
- I know how to give my life purpose whether or not I am in a relationship
I know it’s a lot to consider. I’ve been gradually working through these items for about 3-4 years now. I have seen a big change within myself over this time. I keep score at all my answers and see how I progress iove time (that’s why it’s in Excel).
Faith + Hope + Love 
I was abandoned by both my parents as a child and though i have forgiven them i dont seem to be able to let go of the feeling of loneliness whenever my husband (childhood sweetheart) is away, My head understands and after he is gone a week or more i begin to pick myself up again but i cant seem to be able to get past this feeling of emptyness and lack of desire to do anything when he first goes.
I know it is probably an abandonment issue but i really dont know how to deal with it so it doesnt keep coming back everytime. I understand the logic of it all but cant deal with the emotional side of it.
Hi John
I knew this would feed you. Enjoy. Each one of these points has been a MOUTHFUL for me, it’s taken YEARS to be able to tick each point. Just start with one and sort it out, then another one. Slowly, slowly. Test your score now. Test it again in 6 months time.
God wants us strong and healthy SO THAT we can withstand the pressures of serving Him without collapsing emotionally or mentally. We might be a giant spiritually, but the enemy will just target our self-control or our body.
I’ll explain that in a post soon, showing it from Elijah.
Bless you brother!
Mark.
Hi Bill
I’m so glad someone is benefitting from this post, I certainly benefit from it every time I read it. And it’s been the source of YEARS of growth. I always remember that we are body, spirit AND mind. I prefer to grow my spirit, I then use this to encourage me to grow my mind/emotions. Body? Ummm… schwooossshhh schweeeshhssshhh, I’m going through a tunnel, bad internet reception here!! *Click*
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the spiritual warfare stuff.
Bless you my brother,
Mark.
Mark, You post such excellent wisdom. I have to copy these down also. I need to look at these every day.
Mark:
This is excellent! You’re right. There is a lot to work through. But, I can see how these questions would help shape a journey towards discovery.
Speaking of a journey of discovery…I’ve just finished your posts on Spiritual Warfare. There is a lot to work through in these posts, as well. I’m more than a little intrigued, though. You make some very good points that I want to spend some time digesting. Thanks for the work you’ve done on these posts. It’s top notch!
I pray that you continue to go well, my friend. Sounds like a great deal of exciting “stuff” is happening in your life.
God bless,
-bill