Day 3&4 FNT fast: blessing & Holy Spirit

What the heck is a FNT fast? Fasting negative thoughts. It comes from this post.

Yesterday as I was preparing a podcast about the new covenant that Jesus has made for us (His righteousness which is “imputed/given” to us) I received a phonecall. Would I like a free POOL TABLE? Huh? Would I ever? Yeah baby! I plan on gettingtwo other Christian guys in my new place with me and we can play pool together. This is great!

Then I got an sms asking me if I wanted a free cupboard. Yes! That will go GREAT in the only room which doesn’t have a built in cupboard. Woooo!

Then I got an email later in the day saying that my business website (TopXML) is “fantastic”, but my logo is not. hehehe. So he had attached a SUPERB logo for me to use and called it a “free gift”.

As I looked at this logo made in a cool “glass” effect (just what I wanted to have made about 3 months ago) I remembered that in the bible He says that when there is peace between God and me (which is what righteousness is… right standing) that He will cause blessing to fall. Huh… so that is literal? Wooooo! Jesus *is* Lord!

Last night was momentous

But things got emotionally hard as the day went on – I’m still saying goodbye to old things and hello to new things. I realized that I am swapping old failed memories, for new dreams and visions. The good thing is these new dreams are underwritten by Him… the Author.

I’ve been struggling with… compulsions. Let’s just say that. Mmmm-hummm. (Shuffles feet nervously) Compulsions are basically just a need for dopamine to counter-balance the emotional pain I’ve accumulated in my past. As the pain come up and out, I have been in need of an “up” to get me out of the “down” of pain.

I know that almost everyone understands this, even if they didn’t realize that this is what they have been through. Drugs, smoking, sex, drink, partying, excessive excersize (anything that alters your mood) are all sources of dopamine to counteract the pain that is hidden inside.

And as the pain comes up, the desire to self-medicate (by getting dopamine through a compulsion) is over-whelming. I just call out to Him for help and if it doesn’t come very very quickly, I look for dopamine. After decades of this, I hardly even resist, I hardly call out. But I do.

But for the first time, last night the pain came up, the desire to be compulsive came up, I asked for His help… and I didn’t do anything that I didn’t want to. He must have strengthened me, or else He has healed me some more. Either way last night was a tremendous moment and I have Jesus Christ to thank for delivering me and bringing me to this place. Thank You Lord!

(For those who don’t know the dynamic I am describing, just believe me, “just say no” is NOT an option. Healing is required.)

His infilling and joy

Over the last few days I have enjoyed some joy and intimacy (off and on) of the Holy Spirit that I have begun to be hopefull that I will eventually experience the things and feelings that Kathryn Kuhlman and Smith Wigglesworth experienced. I really love it that Smith cried out “clean! clean! clean!” as he received the infilling of the Holy Spirit. Respek.

But I want even more than they had. I want to walk as Jesus did. I prayed over the last few days that He would fill me and enable me to walk as He did, having the Holy Spirit without measure. I know there is always a cost for me, but I reckon that I only have one life to live… and if I get to heaven not having done the few things that I truly wanted to do (serve God, help as many people as possible and walk as He did) then I’ll be bummed. Can’t go back and make different choices to do it again. One shot. (What do YOU want?)

At church… wouldn’t you know it… the sermon led to a call for people to come forward for prayer. I was busting as I sat in my seat, I tried to calm myself and not run too much as I went forward. hehehe. I felt His presence and His light moving into me and just nice things. I do feel different. The words spoken were right on – that I’d have His Spirit without measure and that He’d remove the blockages to this happening.

Awe-sum. And yet I am saddened that it hasn’t happened yet (I’ve wanted this since I was a teenager), but I am very happy that I now know how to pray for Him to fulfill His own words and to establish me in these things. I also know that His words do not go un-fulfilled. They achieve what He sent them to do. Eeeee! NOW I am excited.

The worker counts the cost

I know there is going to be a cost to me. After church I thought “to whom much is given, much is required”. But is it a cost? This is the most fun thing I can think of doing with the rest of my life… to serve Him and to experience the joy that Jesus felt. Is this a cost – spend my life helping people? I don’t think so.
So of course, I’ve added these two things to my evening prayer for Him to establish in me. He has already done SO much on the list. Exciting huh?