This is a three part series:
- My story – part #1 – the story
- My story – part #2 – lessons
- My story – part #3 – meeting Him and coming out
One night while I was asleep, I met Him. It was like I was in a dream, but it was so real. Incredibly real. Real… like real life.
We stood in a house I owned in South Africa. In the lounge-hallway area. With a window behind Him. I didn’t know who He was. I stood there with Him. I looked at this Man. Slightly taller than me. He just seemed like a big brother to me. Incredibly strong, but not physically. Slender but not skinny. Very very average. Nothing flashy about Him. And yet… so sure and comfortable in Himself. He was oozing kindness and gentleness.
I was talking to Him. I was confused. Where am I? In my house. Ok. Who’s this? I dunno. What’s He doing? Nothing, just smiling at me. Wow. What a nice Man. Wow. This is a nice person. I wonder who He is? Ok,
He’s talking to me. He says that we’re going outside. I looked out the window – outside – I saw some criminal baddy types scurry past outside down one of the walls behind the bushes. I felt nervous. I said “I thought we were meant to stay hidden?” He said kindly to me “You know how you have different video series?” and said yes, I knew what He meant. Previously I had owned Sopranos Series 1, then 2, then 3. Each series has many tapes in it. Each one is a story. The series has an end. It’s followed by another new series.
He said this was a new series. We go outside.
I wondered who He is. This Man. Such an incredible Man. Kindness like I’ve never known before. Strong. So strong. Secure. Somehow my eyes began to come open and I saw Who I was standing in front of. Like when He opened the eyes of the disciples.
I stepped back a foot and became mildly alarmed at first, I asked Him “what is Your Name?” He replied “I have many Names, which one would you like to use?” I had been reading the book “Every name of God in the Bible“. I began to wonder if this really could be… maybe… yes it really might be… He just smiled so wonderfully at me as I wondered… then I wondered about deception, but I saw Him and His lovelyness and I began to be sure of who this is… inside my mind I thought “I think this is…” and I panicked!!
I blew it! Can you believe it? And that’s not the only time I’ve blown it. I panick every time… for different reasons – usually low self esteem related. (I have more stories like this – if you’d like to hear, just ask)
I felt this rushing sensation and as I sort of landed back in my bed – I heard a loud whisper that seemed to fill the room “Jesus“. And it was over. I lay in bed.
I blew it! I had said to Him that I really wanted to meet Him and here I was, a week later, face to face with the strongest, kindest person I’d ever seen in my life. The Person I’d always wanted to meet… and I blew it. I told Him I had blown it, but with all the weird stuff that had been going on, how was I to know? It was such a surprise. I’m sorry I blew it. Could He please come back again, I would just LOVE to worship Him face to face. Please let me do that.
Two or three weeks later was good friday, a big church do. I was in my normal spot in the seats worshipping and He appeared – this time not in His human form, but this time He was all dressed in white and gleaming so bright I could hardly see. As we all worshipped God, I wrapped my arms around His chest and laid my head onto his chest-shoulder area and… I sang the worship songs to Him.
As I did this, I felt His arms go around me, it felt like electricity on my back. Not painful at all. I just cannot express how all of this felt. Weird for sure. My brain couldn’t make sense of it. But I felt calm. I suppose looking back I thought it would have been intense love, or intense joy or elation, like a drug, but perhaps that would have been too much for me at that stage of my life. I felt peace. Peace was what I needed most in my life.
I remembered a part of the bible where the angel has to leave (and the guy refuses to let Him go until he gets the blessing) but I didn’t want to fight God, I took my hands away and He left. I didn’t feel embarrassed at all and no one except for the leader saw anything.
I always double-check these things if possible, so I asked other people how the service was for them and they all said “wow, it felt like God was in the room“. I just smiled. So it had been real. And He had heard my prayer and had come back – but in a place with people and with my leader there, so I can just relax and not worry and enjoy.
This is one of the reasons I totally look forward to heaven and I’m happy to work here for now, because heaven is going to be unbelievably good. Eternity with such a good, strong and kind God. It’s hard to imagine because of how this world is.
I haven’t rushed “out” at all. I’ve probably dragged my heels the whole way. I just want each step to be healthy and to be the right step. I’d rather be safe and not hurt anyone, rather than rush ahead and add to the confusion. But coming out… I am, whether I like it or not.