I’m feeling so tired after this week. Thank you to everyone who posted an encouraging comment. Sharing my stuff is so scary, because doing anything that can cause me to feel rejection is so scary to me. Being scared and the fear of losing friends is tiring for me. Re-reading my own posts and seeing what I’ve been through, seeing the blessings He has given me, seeing MYSELF and MY LIFE in these posts – it’s confronting. Is this really me? Am I writing this? Yes. It’s all a part of building my identity in Him and getting to know who I am because of Him – and what I am capable of when I’m a pen in His hands (if that makes any sense). It’s the whole EGO building and identity thing. And it’s exhausting.
And yet, this morning, as I spent time outside my house, pondering and worshipping and watching my cats and listening to the birds and the trickling pond noises… God just kept on keeping on. Talking me through it all. Not in an audible voice, but more inside of me, thoughts that aren’t mine but edify me and help me figure out what is going on and how to adjust – or when to just leave things and be still.
Today I wanted to get a higher score (see Time out 2) today, I wanted to share about revival (Firestorm of the Lord), I wanted to explain some of the things He has shown me over the years… but I’m just so tired. Growth is slow and hard, that’s for sure. But He is bringing me through. Poco-a-poco. Slowly slowly.