Be angry, but do not sin… so I do!

Did I mention that I also bought a kick boxing bag? The hardest, longest bag and the thinnest gloves.

I took it home and hung it up in my garage. I took some preparatory swings at it. Then I thumped it. Oooo… that felt nice. I went inside. Did some stuff.

I was sitting in a chair and I felt something inside me (emotions?) and I immediately thought about the punch bag. I decided to come back outside for a bit more.

You know, the bible says BE ANGRY (but do not sin). So… I… BE ANGRY… at the bag.

My first “opponent” image was related to my past marriage. BANG!

The next opponent was any future men BANG! who would dare BANG! to involve themselves BANG! in my future marriage. BANG! He/they also suffered a great deal. heheheh.

The next opponent was interesting. I saw what had slipped past me in my life. Wasted opportunities. I promised myself BANG! that I will not BANG! let so many wonderful opportunities in my life go by. BANG! All those years wasted. BANG! I won’t do it again. BANG! I will be in action and remain in action. BANG!God has good things for me BANG! and I won’t let them slip by! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Needless to say I could not punch for three days because I had bruised knuckles. Since then I do a lot more kicking. heheheheh!!

Discovering myself and manhood

And during this time I’ve realised that it’s true… at the heart of a man is a fighter, a warrior, a protector. I just didn’t really know it. I thought I had to be good, sweet, understanding, terminally kind. I know that God has encouraged me to accept who I am, I am kind. But He also wants me to grow into other aspects of my personality – to be a lover yes, but a FIGHTER too because I am in His image. He’s a fighter. He’s jealous. And not only CAN I be, but in fact I SHOULD be.

It’s only now that I know that I’m seeing who I am. And the more I see, the harder it is to accept. But when I do choose to accept… that feeling of warmth on the inside grows more and more. As I feel warmer on the inside, I need less and less things on the outside (food etc.) to make me feel warm. My warmth is inside me. It’s very profound.

I also see more and more that one of the promise from a man to a woman is that he will provide, yes of course. But he also promises to use his size and bulk and testosterone to shed his blood in the protection of her and of their children. I understand this wisdom more and more – this is a good thing and it engenders a feeling of safety in a woman and in a family.