A remarkable thing happened to me last night. I’ve written about the Father heart of God and about the Father’s grip before. But in the past while I’ve been remembering this man I once saw on an army airplane. I was being transferred from one base to another. Little did I know that I was on my way to a complete breakdown and eventually a decision to commit suicide (from which God literally intervened and saved me).
As I sat on that plane, I looked at this very impressive military man. I could see his characteristics. I knew who he was and what he was good at: fighting. As clear as anything I heard God say to me: “you are like him”. I might have laughed out loud, I probably thought “ok this is it, this is definitely not God”.
But over the years God has said so many nice things like this to me. With my low self esteem I could never accept any of these things. I thought I was a mental case. Ok, I was… but… I thought I just hearing voices… which I was… but… you get the point. hehehe. (Just having a bit of fun).
As I said, in the last few days I have been remembering that man. And then last night I was reading Wild at heart, and in it John Edlredge (the author) says tells a story about when he was spending time with his son. He watched his son climb a rock and he said to his son “you’re a wild man!” John thought nothing of it, but his son came down and stood next to him and said “do you really think I am a wild man?”
John said that many fathers might miss that moment. This was the moment when his son was about to learn his identity from his father and believe it for himself.
As I read that I thought about that man that God spoke to me about. I thought about what a Christian man said to me in Turkey. I thought about my gifts and my character, how I fight, I see clearly, I won’t back down… and it all clicked. I knew that God had been trying to do what my own human father should have done… give me a manly identity, help me understand myself.
I am sharing this with you, because I want to say that He is a good Dad to me. I was just too messed up in those days to know it. I didn’t appreciate Him then. I am learning to appreciate Him now. It’s never too late to say “thanks!” right? Never too late.