A remarkable thing happened to me last night. I’ve written about the Father heart of God and about the Father’s grip before. But in the past while I’ve been remembering this man I once saw on an army airplane. I was being transferred from one base to another. Little did I know that I was on my way to a complete breakdown and eventually a decision to commit suicide (from which God literally intervened and saved me).
As I sat on that plane, I looked at this very impressive military man. I could see his characteristics. I knew who he was and what he was good at: fighting. As clear as anything I heard God say to me: “you are like him”. I might have laughed out loud, I probably thought “ok this is it, this is definitely not God”.
But over the years God has said so many nice things like this to me. With my low self esteem I could never accept any of these things. I thought I was a mental case. Ok, I was… but… I thought I just hearing voices… which I was… but… you get the point. hehehe. (Just having a bit of fun).
As I said, in the last few days I have been remembering that man. And then last night I was reading Wild at heart, and in it John Edlredge (the author) says tells a story about when he was spending time with his son. He watched his son climb a rock and he said to his son “you’re a wild man!” John thought nothing of it, but his son came down and stood next to him and said “do you really think I am a wild man?”
John said that many fathers might miss that moment. This was the moment when his son was about to learn his identity from his father and believe it for himself.
As I read that I thought about that man that God spoke to me about. I thought about what a Christian man said to me in Turkey. I thought about my gifts and my character, how I fight, I see clearly, I won’t back down… and it all clicked. I knew that God had been trying to do what my own human father should have done… give me a manly identity, help me understand myself.
I am sharing this with you, because I want to say that He is a good Dad to me. I was just too messed up in those days to know it. I didn’t appreciate Him then. I am learning to appreciate Him now. It’s never too late to say “thanks!” right? Never too late.
What do you think of all the scriptures in the Bible (particularly the O.T.) that does not portray God as a loving father?
Hi Roopster. Yeah at first I struggled terribly with this in my life. Eventually I understood that God is BOTH a Father AND a Judge.
In some verses we see His Father nature, in other verses we see the Judge part. To read and highlight only the Judge verses, is to miss the Father ones.
We get out of balance by focusing on only one verse or only one aspect of His character. For example we might focus on verses such as “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom” and get the impression that we should be afraid. But some other people focus only on His loving nature and miss that He is also a disciplinarian. He”s a Creator who loves His creation (that’s us!), but He destroys too when the people rage against Him for hundreds and hundreds of years. He is all of those things – and more.
We get out of balance by focusing on only one verse or only one aspect of His character.
God bless you for asking this question. It’s a great question!
Great post. So much of the whole thing I can relate to in so many ways. Thanks for your honesty with some tough subjects…
Hi Rindy. Thanks for your encouragement. God bless you! – Mark.
Great post! I have often prayed that when people see me, interact with me, get to know me, they say “She looks so much like her Father.” Would be way cool!!!
Peace and prayers
Wonderful prayer Neva!
Getting to know one’s identity, that too from a Father, is important. It prevents identity crisis.
You right. It’s worth doing. But it’s not easy. Change is never easy.
Great thoughts! This is perhaps…ok, it most definitely is my favorite book. I’ve been going through a similar healing where I can feel God renewing the strength he gave me and reminding it’s Satan who’s creating that doubt.
Satan has done this for far too long in me. I’m sick of specific areas of my life where I’ve failed in the past haunting me and pushing me to stop and give up. I want freedom and the only place that can be found is with my Savior. I don’t just want to be a man who is wild at heart, I am a man who is wild at heart.
Thanks for sharing a piece of your journey.
Yes and amen my brother! Be like Peter… GET OUT OF THE BOAT. He can handle it. You can too! God bless you Derek!! – Mark.