Bill wrote a really good post: God Uses Broken Things. I recommend we all read it.
I am one of those broken pots. God TOLD me that several years ago. Sometimes God breaks clay pots so that He can remake them into the right shape. Ouch. But true.
You can see my cracks if you look closely. Actually… sometimes you don’t have to look closely at all. hehehe.
Since late last year I have felt to let more of my story hang out. God has shaped me wonderfully and I feel more together than ever before. In fact this last week I stood up at church. they said – does anyone have anything to say… and I did… so I simply stood in front of everyone and told them how FANTASTIC I think God is. I ended by addressesing Him directly and saying “God I think You are FAN-TASTIC”. And I sat down.
Every few days I watch the birds that come to feed on the seed that I put out. I learned something in that. It’s as if God was saying, you just put the seed out and the water out, HE gives the growth (1 Cor 3:5-9).
In the same way that I can’t control what birds do and don’t come, I also can’t control how people feel about what I share or what they learn.
It’s not my job to worry about that, my job is to put MY seeds out there. If you come to feed, yay. If this is not the right feed for you, ok, no problem!
That is how I blog. I just put it out there. I don’t pretend it’s God’s words (it’s not). I don’t pretend I’m perfect (I’m not). I just put out the seed… the hearer must judge (discern) (1 cor 14:29).
Just for 12 people
One day Jesus only had 12 men still with Him. The crowds had gone. He said to the men, where are the crowds? I keep reminding myself… even if I only have 12 people visiting this blog, I will keep putting out the seed, because someone has to love those 12 people by sharing themselves.
I love 12, you love another 12, we all love someone… pretty soon the world is awash in God’s love for people.
I think that churches would do well to learn from Jesus in this respect. People are not resources they are the Kingdom of God. And also learn from Jesus that you don’t need to have 5000 of them. There is no prize for discipling 5000 people poorly, when you could have discipled 12 deeply and well.
Frequently God tells me His pasture is overrun with bad pastors and He’s upset about it. How frequently? MUCH more frequently than you imagine. God LOVES His people.
The leader (pastor, priest, whatever) should have a mission from God – as Jesus had – and if the crowds come and go, it doesn’t change the mission.
It is not possible to disciple 5000 people
Discipling takes sharing your innermost thoughts, letting people watch how you stand your ground in the face of the enemy. People listen to your body language more than your words. They SEE how you overcome in the face of trials. They walk with you.
Discipling is intensely personal. The lamb watches how you walk, where you walk, the way you walk on edges, how you hold back, when you hold back, if you hold back, when you rush forward… this is not possible in a lecture style room from 50 yards away for 1 hour per week.
If you try to disciple 5000 people… it simply means that they won’t be discipled and they won’t mature and won’t become sheep. They will remain – at best – muscly lambs.
Lambs need sheep, because sheep know the shepherd and sheep can teach lambs to know the shepherd. When the church gets this, we will change how we do church.
I assure you, we will either change, or BE changed.
Different seed and different birds
I have known since before my first day of blogging that the people who eat my seeds will not comment, they will not raise their heads up and be seen. They have been on an utterly different walk throughout their life and they have learned to keep their heads down.
They know they are different. I blog for them and I am glad they have found a place to feed.
And this morning I literally saw a battered and bruised cockatoo come and feed. Someone who needs love and support and prayer and kindness.
My own personal fears
Once again I feel that God is saying I should begin to blog more honestly about where I have been and what I have learned about overcoming.
But I am scared to share even more than I already do. My fear in doing this is that my future partner could read all of this and go “no way am I getting together with someone who is so honest and frank about such things”
But… I guess… I only need ONE woman and I am only compatible with a woman who loves people and who wants to share her life in order to see them healed… just as much as I do.