(Warning! Venting alert!)
I saw this movie yesterday. I like romantic comedies. I like Mandy Moore in this movie. I like Diane Keaton.
But the mother role in this movie was just utterly frightening and overwhelming for me.
This wasn’t a mother “caring” for her daughters (tee hee giggle giggle) this was a very controlling and manipulative woman who couldn’t back off at any time.
This mother used her “apology” as a reason to continue to hound her daughter’s answering machine. Time after time the kids caved in to the mother’s manipulation and control. It was a freak show. That person was all about herself. Me. Look at me. Focus on me.
What she never seemed able to do was just leave the situation alone and let the people make their own decisions. This was well beyond co-dependence. It was abuse.
As I left the movie, I felt like that woman was still stalking me. Still hounding me. I felt like I have known her forever. I had the same feeling of having been face to face with evil after I watched 15 minutes of the final star wars movie (#3 of 6).
Diane Keaton acted superbly in this role. She totally nailed it. I have seen the face of the enemy. Her name is Jezebel – and she ruins the lives of people around her – and then points the finger of blame elsewhere under the disguise of being a victim.
The mother’s behavior reminded me of the Scientology leader as he hounds the BBC reporter day after day, stepping into that reporter’s personal space and barking orders – all under the disguise of being protective or caring.
In one scene the mother wouldn’t leave the daughter’s house, she kept sticking her hand in the door jam to keep it open… just one more comment… just one more thing to say… one more word of advice. Finally the daughter closes the door, but the mother then peers in the window again and again. When the daughter eventually drives away with her boyfriend, the mother follows in her own car.
When the daughters unite and finally tell the mother to BACK OFF, the mom resorts to crying “you don’t know what a mothers love is like”. (Sob. Sob. Feel sorry for me, I’m a victim to my own emotions, I’m not responsible!) And so the daughters feel bad for taking a stand and they cave in. Jezebel 10 – 0 Humans.
So the mom remains once again at the center of attention. This woman never has to face her own her consequences, because no one can take a stand and maintain a stand. Somehow she manages to twist any situation around so the others are at fault. Time and again.
It’s disgusting to me. More than disgusting. There is a word for the anger that wells up inside of me… it’s hatred. I can’t stand it when people do this to one another. I couldn’t stand it being done to me, day after day, month, year. Yeah, I know, I need healing for this. hehehe.
This movie can be shown at interventions where people ambush the person and show them their behavior and the impact it is having on other people’s lives.
Intervention (counseling), an orchestrated attempt by family and friends to get a family member to “get help” (SOURCE: Wikipedia)
This movie is listed as a comedy. Yeah right. It’s actually a stalking-style horror movie (with good lines, Many Moore and makeup). The ending is a tragedy… because the mother never learns and never changes.
In the final scene of the movie the mother is getting “attention” (nudge nudge wink wink) from her soon-to-be hubby… but downstairs is a wedding party of 50! Let’s see… the mum is the focus once again and people are waiting on her. Well then… I guess it’s ok for the other people to wait, after all she’s getting her attention upstairs, so it’s all good isn’t it? NOT! It’s only ok if you’re totally ego-centric!
I’ve been around too many of these people for too long. They lie and cheat and twist and never change. They leave a mess behind and they don’t say sorry, perhaps because they don’t see the mess they leave. Even if they do catch a glimpse of it, they don’t go back and heal what happened.
After the movie some very nice people came and took me in a chauffeured padded limo to a very secluded restaurant. I vaguely remember rocking forward and backward slightly. Occasionally bashing my head against the nearest padded wall.
And as an added bonus… as it turns out… I look quite good in white, especially with those long long sleeves that tie up around your back. 🙂
The spirit that people in deliverance ministry call “Jezebel” works in the way it is described in this movie. It’s intention is to scare people (often men) and cause them to back off and stay quiet. “Just stay down and it will be ok” is the message. Power games are abundant. The person appears to be a victim. Support is rallied.
It’s not hard to see one in action, but it’s very hard to resist them without hurting anyone in the ensuing confrontation. Everyone nearby in the “blast radius” will be drawn in and hurt. Solution? Steer clear if at all possible, they will eventually exhaust their supporters.