Previously I wrote How to: Increase the joy in your life and I wrote that we have to face the hurt/anger/whatever that blocked us up.
Sometimes the anger or hurt is not an event, sometimes it’s just long term niggles, long term harassment, long term water torture. Perhaps a parent put you down for years. Perhaps your parents got divorced and you couldn’t deal with the daily pain.
Not everything is an event. Not all abuse is easy to notice. Physical abuse is easy to spot. But mental or emotional abuse can unnoticed for years and years until the abused person melts down.
Wouldn’t it be good if you find the issues, face them and overcome them – from the comfort of your lounge? What if you could watch a tv show and see other people’s issues, listening to yourself to see if those issues are yours – and then facing them, one by one.
Yes I’m encouraging you to watch Dr Phil.
When I watch this show I find my emotions can be so whipped up that I have to hit pause and go make some tea. Time out. At this point I know that I am watching something that I have been through or have been exposed to in a harmful way.
I know that Dr Phil will give good advice on how NOT to go through that problem again. He will also help me see whether I have hurt someone, or if I was a victim. It can be very hard to see which role I played, was I a victim? Who did the wrong thing? Was NO ONE wrong?
Sometimes I learn from Dr Phil that no one is particularly wrong, it’s just that the two people should learn to communicate more effectively. Sometimes I see a person talking to the other one and I feel radically uncomfortable… and then Dr Phil says that behavior is bulling… and I get that “oh!” moment.
Bit by bit my EQ grows (EQ = emotional understanding, like an IQ) . As I grow, I can understand more, I’m more able to see what happened AND MOVE PAST IT.
You can watch Dr Phil as a passive spectator, or you can use it to grow and heal. It’s your choice. Passive watching won’t help. Actively listening to how you feel as you watch the show means you will spot the times when you get upset at what you’re seeing. Those are the times to accept, forgive and move on.
So your internal self talk could go like this…
Oh yes, I can see that this happened to me. Yeah I remember going through this. That really hurt. Ok, Dr Phil is giving me ways to move past this. Ok, I will do them. I forgive that person. I am confident that I will not need to go through this again, because I am aware of it and I know how to avoid it now.
Remember: Emotional and mental abuse is harder to spot and overcome than physical abuse. But it can shut people down because they get confused and stop feeling their emotions.
Remember: We need to feel our sadness in order to feel our happiness (have a read of How to: Increase the joy in your life) so watching Dr Phil shows can reconnect you to past experiences and you can accept what happened and forgive and move on… and this means you will feel again and joy can invade your life again.
God bless you!
Raise your EQ… read some good Dr Phil relationship articles
- Building Your Personal Profile *** read this one!
- Personal Relationship Values *** and this one!
- Are You Ready For a Successful Relationship?
- Contaminating a Relationship
- Affair-Proof Your Marriage
- Moving Forward After Infidelity