Forgiveness releases us to be healed and whole

This is a part of a series about forgiveness and handling memories, first to last

This post begins here…

In the previous two posts I was explaining the concept of an imago. An imago is the invisible inner “image” that has been built up inside our heads/heart. It was built as we grew up. It’s the image of the partner that we are unconsciously looking for.

We know that God took a part out of the original “man” and the changed man was then called Adam. That part that is missing from Adam was built up into what God called “woman” (Gen 2:20-22) and named Eve. Ever since then men and women have been two parts of a whole. Each part desires the other part. Together they are complete.

The image of what Adam was missing – his side, the woman – is called an imago. Its the bit you and I feel that we are missing. I have an imago image in me. You have an imago image in you. Men have imagos. Women also have their own imagos. Everyone has one. It’s in our brain and it’s built through our experience of life.

We look for someone to meet our needs

The imago is an image – and it helps us find the partner who we think will give us what we need.

Like everyone, I had a deep need for acceptance from my parents. Like many people, this need was not met… they didn’t see the best in me and so I didn’t feel accepted. This unmet need is now a part of my imago. I now (unconsciously) look for a woman to accept me – to meet that unmet need.

weddingring.jpgI don’t only have one need, I have many. So the imago of the “perfect” woman (according to my subconscious) is quite developed. When I meet a woman who matches my imago I get zing-zing feelings. It’s chemistry all round if I match her imago as well. If she is honest, nurturing and accepting I will feel chemistry. If she needs kindness, strength and faithfulness then she will feel chemistry with me. If we both match each other’s imago, then it’s going to be hard to keep us apart.

Forgiveness releases us to be healed and whole

BUT. As time went by I may have become angry and refused to forgive my parents for not accepting me. (Lots of people are angry on the inside. The bible calls this “hardness of heart”.)

If I refuse to forgive my parents, then when I find a woman who is willing to accept me, I am blocked up by unforgiveness to my parents (I refuse to forgive them) and so I am unable to receive from her. My unforgiveness blocks me from receiving from her what I desperately need.

She gets confused. We fight. There’s trouble in paradise. Imagine how confusing that is for my partner. I choose them because I need their acceptance, but I reject them because I won’t admit my need.

Come closer. Go away.

I need you. I don’t need you.

If I can forgive the people who didn’t give me what I needed, then I can receive from somone else and come to wholeness and healing eventually. But forgiveness blocks this gift of God through a partner.

I have to be real about my needs and real about whether I have forgiven the abuser. THEN I can receive the acceptance I need and I can gradually heal and become whole.

NOTE: It is not possible to become entirely whole unless we are in relationships with the people around us. But as we give love and receive love – or learn to – then we can grow, heal, evolve and heal and become whole.

We also can’t come to wholeness if we refuse to be an adult and grow up, take ownership of what happened to us and mature. What happened was not good, but ignoring it won’t heal it and won’t make it go away.

New blog

I now have another very personal, intimate blog and I invite you to read through it, from the start to the end. That page is the end. It’s only 31 posts and each of them is short.

Keep on reading

Some Christians want God to snap His fingers and heal them and they refuse to get help. Is this the right approach? Maybe take a moment to read my post: Should Christians get counselling for healing?

For further reading maybe try this post Emotional healing… what’s it like? or read some of my other posts on healing. I have written a companion post that you might benefit from reading: How to fill up the lonely hurt inside.  Get into the discussion. Share your experiences. Help someone. Receive help from someone too perhaps.


These posts might also help you:

and also try

Or try some other posts that I wrote:

These are posts about growing and forming deeper relationships that let us feel connected and warm inside:

God loves you!

Please share this post with someone who might benefit from it. Post it to your FB wall. Tweet it. May God bless you – and I look forward to reading your comments and replying to them!

5 responses to “Forgiveness releases us to be healed and whole

  1. Pingback: God has a plan to prosper you… what to do while you wait | Faith. Hope. Love.·

  2. Pingback: Why does the bible say to love yourself? | Faith. Hope. Love.·

  3. Pingback: What to do when you’re feeling empty inside | Faith. Hope. Love.·

  4. Hi Mark, how simple this sounds, I have surrendered myself to God and has ask for forgiveness. and that I forgive those I have wronged. I ask for reconciliation for my marriage and that my husband releases the hardness around his heart. that God has a beautiful gift for him and for me. I just need prayer that my husband and I are able to begin to communicate and start to heal from the distance. God is a miracle worker, I believe, and I also stand in the gap. I will continue to pray for my marriage and that my husband will be home soon. God’s timing is everything.

  5. I need you to pray that God will heal this relationship, that is bringing harm to me, and that he will restore my relationship with this party who is suppose to adore me, but lately has been totally angry and will not get over things, because this other person created this problem for us.

    Hi bibleman. I’m half way around the world, so I don’t know your situation. But you asked me, so I will give some suggestions of things you can do.

    Firstly, go get counseling and learn about what goes on in other people’s minds. Learn about your mind, your needs. Learn about what makes you happy. What makes you happy is similar to what makes OTHER people happy. Talk this through with a Christian counselor.

    Here are some other suggestions. If you are doing something that is harming the other person, stop doing it. If you can’t stop doing it, go get help to stop doing it. If the other person is angry with you, forgive them and ask them what you can do to make things right. If they are hurting you and they won’t stop hurting you, try to move away from them and go talk to a Christian counselor and get help.

    You are right, you cannot control other people. I can’t control you, for example. But we can control ourselves. We can change ourselves. We can change our lives so that we are happy inside ourself. We can pray for the other person. We can pray for ourselves and ask God for the help we need.

    God bless you Bibleman,

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