This post is hard to write. I share a lot of myself on this blog, but it’s always with a purpose. This post also has a purpose, it’s a “heads up” kind of post.
Recently I took a small holiday. You probably saw me write how holidays are usually times during which I can hear God really clearly for a time. There is usually a few days during which I receive heaps of download from Him – and you probably noticed that sudden recent spurt of deep posts.
I had never figured out why my posts had become so infrequent in the last year. A friend pointed it out to me and asked why, but I didn’t have answers for her.
And then, praise God, something happened on my holiday. Cutting a long story short, I was driving along and I got very bad vertigo in that tunnel. I couldn’t drive out of the tunnel, so they called assistance. The wonderful man, Sam, assessed me and called an abulance. The wonderful ambo lady assessed me and concluded something was up. God had ambushed me. *Extremely* reluctantly I went to the hospital for tests.
They did tests and coaxed out of me the events of the evening, including that I had drunk a coffee which didn’t taste right. After the tests they gave me an official document stating that I’m “neurologically intact” meaning I’m not nuts.
They also said that these symptoms are “non-organic” in nature… meaning it was chemically induced… meaning my coffee had been spiked!
They also coaxed out of me that this has been happening for a while now. It’s hard to remember when my coffee was first spiked, but I was so sure that no one would believe me, so I never spoke up. I felt I could not win. Sometimes an abulance would already be there BEFORE the spiking. One time a police unit called “special substances unit” (or something similar to that) was present – I saw the wording on the side of their vehicle.
I have been absolutely disgusted at the lack of character and lack of moral fibre in people. I could not figure out why they don’t simply say NO I WONT to whoever requests that you do what is utterly a wrong thing to do! The spiking occurred in well known stores: Gloria Jeans, MacDonalds and others.
I felt like I could not win this and could never prove anything, I felt sure no one would believe me.
But two things have profoundly changed this. Firstly, I found a friend who was brave enough to say NO and stand with me through this. She bucked the system and on 3 occassions I had to pray for HER, because she had been spiked too. I could see it wasn’t all in my imagination, because it was affecting her! It was real.
The second vital change is that experienced doctors, after lots of test, said its “non-organic”, meaning I HAVE been spiked, and I’m NOT crazy.
Now I feel I can speak out. And I must. I think I know of three other gifted Christians who may be trapped in this same apathy and lethargy which is chemically induced.
I had no idea the cost to me was so high. I thought that by praying, that I had overcome the danger, but as usual after being in a new place for a few days, I felt wonderful, I could hear God, I felt myself, I could process more complex thoughts. Then after a time my coffees wouldn’t taste so great in this new place and my thoughts would become dull again. I would stare at people more, my initiative was blunted, my emotional insight impaired.
The natural desire to attach was also gone. I had no girlfriend for many years, but finally God sent someone who would not give up, she came alongside, she helped me see what was happening to me – she maintained it wasn’t me. She stood by me and helped, I’ve never seen that kind of generosity. Usually people want you to come back AFTER you’ve got it all sorted and fixed.
It couldn’t have been easy for her. After a spiked coffee my ability to emotionally attach was so impaired that I could look at her and feel nothing, I could wonder why we were together?! As the chemicals passsed through after 3-5 days I would feel again and attach again. Thank God she could see through it and she was trying to help me see it too.
God once said to me that I had “chemical handcuffs” on. Now looking back, I know that is true. If I manage to drink only bottled drinks, I remain able to hear Him, I can remain attached to friends, I can not only make plans, but also carry through with them.
Am I angry? You bet I am!! To whoever did this to me, and to those who participated due to a lack of moral fibre in your character, an inability to tell right from wrong… it’s to your eternal shame that you did this to me.
Looking back people had been trying to tell me, I just couldn’t hear them, I couldn’t co-ordinate a response, my ability to innovate or moderate my behaviour was dulled. That dullness impacted my business – how can I calculate the amount of money and goodwill that I have lost?! And the damage to my personal relationships is incalculable. You may remember that I previously wrote about face-blindness and that was definitely caused by this.
So what enabled me to change?
On this holiday to another city I finally encountered good people who were visibly upset by me telling them just how often this has happened during the last year. I finally encountered authority figures who spoke truth without fear of consequences. They urged me to DO something about it, to not roll over and just take it. I met a man who advised me of who to speak to and how to go about taking a stand on this.
What has been happening is a disgrace! And this help never once came from the church, where perhaps we have become too risk averse and desiring of acceptance… so much so that we can’t fulfill our role to act justly and with the moral courage to separate right from wrong, and especially to resist what is wrong… to say NO I WON’T when asked to do the wrong thing.
Is this really the society we live in? A shameful existence, where people lack the inner courage to say NO when they are asked to do something immoral?
Is prophecy really so scary that we should medicate people – without their consent – through whom God is trying to talk through? Why block God?
One of the big reasons why I am writing this is to encourage you to ask yourself some critical-thinking type questions – along those lines. Is it ok to place a chemical prison around people who make us feel uncomfortable, because they say what they think?
And if someone comes to you, requesting you to ignore the law of the land and to smear your inner conscience – just say NO.
As for me, my hope remains in Him. By being careful of what I drink, I am now consistently thinking clearly. It is wonderful. And I’m a stronger man and a stronger Christian as a result of this.
Plus. I have found a friend who stood by me, saw the truth and stood with me. Her front door was kicked in one day, but she stood by me. Her children were denied baptisms at the church she has attended for years, but she stood. People talked behind my back, but she stood.
That is what it means to be a Christian – you stand for justice and you don’t quit just because you’d prefer to have the acceptance of others. Jesus didn’t quit and He didn’t seek the acceptance of anyone, He did the right thing regardless of the cost. It takes inner strength to do the right thing, knowing it will cost you.
And to the evil-doers, I say this: no chemicals, no campaign of any type, nothing at all will stop me from becoming all that He intends for me to be in and through Him.
Skipping coffee – as He told me to do about 4 years ago, which I never did – skipping coffee and being careful about what I drink, is a small price to pay in order to hear Him and feel Him and follow Him.
I’m pretty sure I know at least three other gifted Christians who also are experiencing this problem and can solve it in the same way.
If in the past I have looked at you blankly and I did not come over to talk, now you know why. Pray for me and ask for wisdom in this situation and come reach out to me! 🙂