Just a quick note to say Thank You to those who are praying for me. As God said, when the rivers run and the lakes fill up – as they are – my life with Him will change. Well…
On friday I mentioned to a local friend that I had a vision of me as a boat being unleashed from the dock side, away from sin, off into new waters. My NYC friend had her own dream like that a few years back and she gradually powered on. And yes this weekend while worshiping and praying, something shifted in me, and now I’m able to make clearer decisions.
Ive found out what was being put in my drinks – spiking – and its Ritalin. The symptoms are identical, increased sweating, emotional disconnection, wide pupils (eyes), high body heat, and over prolonged use and when over medicated it leads to low serotonin by blocking the uptakers and this leads to decreased motivation and ironically an inability to become active and make decisions. The face blindness which I described fits into this, because ritalin and low serotonin both numb the feelings.
All of these things went into decline as I stopped drinking in Gloria Jeans and other stores like that. Even the taste of ritalin matches what I had tasted in the drinks, it is metallic, it is not chemical tasting.
Everything fits. As they say, when you have the right suspect, the crime scene makes sense.
But now I’m keeping a clear head and I’m able to maintain boundaries, not be dragged around against my will. I’m very excited about the changes I see in myself. The numbness is gone, face blindness is gone – yesterday I recognised 3 people which I wouldn’t have previously – and my will is surfacing.
Today I am hatching plans to do things – and provided I can remain in the clear – I wont fall back into numbness and inertia from drink spiking.
A lot of anger is also surfacing over what has been happening to me! Im an adult and I did not give consent for this. This is not acceptable in 2009. This is not the barbaric 1800s. It’s 2009! Where does a bill of rights, a strong judiciary, justice – and above all an inner moral code – where does that fit into this? Who is protecting the individual?
It really doesnt matter if my gifts bother you, it doesn’t matter if my expressed thoughts rattle your cage, it doesn’t matter if my theology turns yours upside down, this world is big enough for us all to cohabit peacefully.
And if you really really cant deal with it, medicate yourself, but not me.
I shouldn’t have to buy 4 bottles of water per day so that I stay clear headed, but if that’s the price to pay for me to be able to make plans and maintain my personal boundaries and to recognize people’s faces… then so be it, I will do it.
If you are praying for me, just know that your prayers have helped me immensely. I’m throwing off the chains of wrong relationships, beginning to throw off sexual sin, throwing off inertia – and as Paul said, Im beginning to run and I’m reaching for the prize! (the prize is our high calling IN Him)
He has promised me that He can set us free of Babylon, He has promised me that “worshipers of idols” (representing evil people) will not triumph over us, thus polluting His Name. We simply need to have the faith of Abraham, faith that He is able to bring the dead to life.
Thanks again to anyone who is helping me, praying that I finish the race He has set before me.