This is a part of a series about forgiveness and handling memories, first to last
- Healing – The beginning of wisdom (God taught me something) OLDEST POST
- Healing – Facing the hidden iceberg (My memories begin to surface, big time!)
- A vital step to health – thankfulness
- Forgiveness releases us to be healed and whole
- The desire to find our missing inner self (Imago – part 2) (about identity)
- How we build an Imago – Part 1 (about identity)
- Seeing the truth, accepting, forgiving and recovering
- How to forgive someone
- Forgive to be forgiven
- Christian forgiveness (used to be called “The truth will set you free” – FINAL POST, the most helpful post showing the easiest way to forgive painlessly!)
- I now have another very personal, intimate blog http://attaching.wordpress.com and I invite you to read through it, from the start to the end. It has a LOT of memories that surface and I blog how I process them. It’s only 31 posts and each of them is short.
- How can I forgive when it hurts so much? NEWEST POST
This post begins here…
They were based on the level of forgiveness I had managed to achieve at that time. Those posts were written years ago. Now more recently God showed me how to forgive in a way that is simple and very powerful. Thank you for giving me a chance to share it with you here.
It’s hard to under-estimate how important forgiveness is. If you refuse to forgive, the Lord’s prayer says you will not be forgiven. It’s really just that simple. If you refuse to forgive… you are harming yourself.
So… in a nutshell… here’s how to forgive.
It’s a two step process.
- Tell the truth (what happened, what went wrong, what should have happened)
- Release that person
Rinse and repeat.
Step one is based on what Jesus Christ said “the truth will set you free”. He was utterly right. You need to tell the truth about what happened.
We all have secrets and some secrets can harm us, our families or other people. So who should you tell the truth to? Well… you can tell a person… OR… you can blog it, you can write in on your FB wall, you can email me, you can tell God, OR you can even get a picture of the person and put it on a chair in front of you… and then you tell the truth to that picture.
It doesn’t matter who you tell… just speak it out.
You don’t have to tell it all at one time. You can tell the truth in small doses. Don’t over do it! Take care of yourself.
Tell the truth of what you felt when it happened. That’s what is most important. Tell the things you have never admitted before. Say “when you did ABC, I felt XYZ”. Tell the truth about your hurt. Get it out.
If you are lying in bed talking to God or talking to a picture, then there is no risk that you are hurting someone as you tell the truth… so go right ahead and tell the whole truth… because as you tell the truth, you will find freedom.
When you have told some truth you may feel some tiredness if you have kept that heavy secret of what happened and how you feel for a long long time.
Step two. Say “I forgive you for doing ABC” to me. If you cannot yet forgive them, then take some more time to talk it all out. Really get it out. When you have talked and talked and talked until you are tired of talking about it, then try again to forgive. Remember, you must forgive in order to be forgiven.
Forgiveness can come in layers. At first it might be very shallow, you might not be able to forgive from an emotional perspective but you might be able to forgive from a spiritual perspective.
Here’s my story
The truth that I had to speak about was how I felt when various things happened to me in my past. So I told the truth about those events, so that I could untwist my own thinking.
It was just me in my room, late at night. I began to speak quietly in my own thoughts about the hurts I had felt. I spoke about the pain, the suffering, the sadness.
I spoke about what should NOT have happened… and spoke about what SHOULD have happened. I spoke about how these events had damaged my life. I spoke about how life SHOULD have been if these things had not happened.
It was then that I could forgive and let go. I even found the grace to admit that the person who hurt me had also been hurt in their own past. They were also hurt and that’s why they had hurt me. I was able to extend grace, because I had told the truth.
I did this for all the times I got hurt. In all the cases I argued back against what had happened and I told the truth.
I told the truth that the abuse should NOT have happened. I told the truth that I should have been protected. I told the truth that I could not protect myself. I told the truth that I was not to blame. I told the truth that I would not let that happen to my children in future.
I set the record completely straight. I broke through.
And then I was able to forgive. It was very very easy. One by one I worked through the hurts and I forgave all who had hurt me.
I got so much freedom in that evening. My life has literally changed ever since then. You see, there is another truth that we greatly under-estimate which is this one:
Proverbs 4:23 – Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life
Try telling the truth and then forgiving and see how much your heart improves 🙂
Please share this post with someone who might benefit from it. Post it to your FB wall. Tweet it. May God bless you – and I look forward to reading your comments and replying to them!
I now have another very personal, intimate blog http://attaching.wordpress.com and I invite you to read through it, from the start to the end. That page is the end. It’s only 31 posts and each of them is short.