(I posted a short version of this on my fb. This is the expanded version)
On sunday night I blogged that God had said it was time to go… and I knew I could not go at all if I was being a hypocrite.
I went to my pastor and asked “where is the holiness and the power?” and I meant for ME as a person, I was not pointing fingers at anyone else. In particular the holiness… I dont/didnt have that.
Then in the prayer room God said to me that its a “time of preparation” and I had a vision of intense change to me.
I need what I saw in that vision… a time of intense change… receiving all that He has done for me which I have been believing and receiving for many years. I cant go without the promises in the bible that He made to all those that He chooses to send.
A dream two nights ago
Two nights ago in my dreams I did battle with sin… you know Paul says in Heb 12:4 that we have not yet struggled with sin…
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. – Heb 12:4
Well… that night I struggled with sin… as I had been doing by faith for years.
I dont know how long that thing had been there, holding onto me, perhaps since abuse as a child. In my dream I became aware of it, I saw it, I felt it, I took hold of it… I was shocked at how easy it was to take it off me, it was so weak!
Why was it weak?
I think my constant focus and declarations of faith about what Jesus Christ has done which has laid the following ground work…
1. Believing what He has done to “sin in the flesh”, to the works of the devil, to the devil himself, to sin and to death… destroying all of that… weakened the power of sin and death to an incredible degree.
2. My focus on who I am IN HIM has strengthened and healed my inner man and has enabled me to no longer need sin as a crutch. I could let it go, resist the devil and cast him off.
3. My focus on who He has made me to be – a son of God – has given me a future, an identity, joy and contentment… enabling me to give up patterns of behaviour that I have been familiar with for a long time.
A dream last night
Then last night I had another dream. I was driving along and I needed to pee so I parked and walked to a old horrible yucky building.
When I was inside I saw all kinds of lust in different broken down rooms. I can remember each type was different. I hurried out of the awful broken building and the dream ended.
This choice in my dream was so different to a similar dream about ago. In that dream I walked into a strange carnival. But the attractions were odd. When I looked more closely I realised they all had something to do with lust. I didnt leave, I was fascinated and interested. I had NO INTENTION to partcipate, I just wanted to see what this was. Then I saw a man walk OUT of the turnstiles and he looked back at me… but I didnt follow him out.
But this time I went out. I practically ran out. I didnt stop to talk or watch or take any interest.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. – 1 Cor 6:18
It is over. Finally.
This morning as I woke up I could feel a drastic change in my head, in my thinking. I woke up with a changed nature. Today I feel more peace, more calm, more compassion.
I have to take time to observe the change over time, but right now Im just so glad that my heart is softer.
The bible says to guard your heart… from it come all the issues of life. It affects your understanding, your choices, your future, your joy and peace.