I’ve been single for over a decade. That’s a looooong time. I’m a guy. Guys and girls have needs. Emotional, spiritual and physical.
Generally speaking a woman’s needs are primarily emotional, and generally speaking men are first and foremost physical.
This means that women have an unfair advantage while being single… if they are single for a long time they can get their emotional needs met through relationships.
But if a mans primary need is physical, what should he do if he is not married? This is why I’m not in favour of people getting married late. I’m also not in favour of couples dating for a very long time.
So what should men do if they are not married? Playing sport is physical. Prayer is good too. But over a long time neither are going to meet a man’s needs.
Part of the solution is given in Song 2:7
I charge you, O you daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the hinds of the field, that you stir not up, nor awake love, till it pleases. – Song 2:7
The Hebrew word that is translated “love” can also be interpreted “sexual arousal”. That meaning makes a lot of sense.
Dating couples should avoid starting the mans “engine”, because once it has started its tough to switch it off again.
Letting it start and then switching it off again could lead to frustration, unmet inner needs, arguments and feelings of rejection.
So my advice to women is… be aware that (generally speaking) this may be his primary need, therefore its an intense issue… so don’t go down that road… at all… not even slightly… until the day you get married.
My advice to single men… is to use your energy in the same way as Adam did before Eve became his wife.
When God made Adam and Eve
When God formed Eve He designed her SPECIFICALLY for Adam. Ladies, there is someone you are designed to fit with. Men, there is someone out there who is designed to fit in with what you are doing.
When God formed Adam, He put His mouth over Adams nose and blew life into Adam… when Adam’s eyes flew open the first thing Adam saw was GOD. Men, your attention must FIRST be on God and THEN He will bring the right lady TO you.
When God built Eve, she was not made out of dust. Adam was made out of dust. Icky. Eve was made out of Adam… she was not an animal, she was made “skin of his skin, bones of his bones”.
When God built Eve the first thing she saw was GOD. Ladies, no matter how much you want a partner, your first attention must be on God and then He will lead you TO the man you are designed for.
When God created Adam, Adam had to listen to and obey God. God taught Adam about his authority and God gave Adam work. Men you need to know your authority and you need to have a job BEFORE God will bring your Eve to you. Your job may be anything God gives you. It doesn’t have to be important in the eyes of the world, its what God sees as important in His Kingdom.
When God created Eve, Eve had to listen to God and obey God. What did God do? He led her. Unless Eve listened to and followed God she would not be able to follow Him to go to Adam.
When God brought Eve to Adam what did she see? She saw a man under Gods leadership, exersizing his God given authority (naming the animals) and her man had a job! Ladies like it when men have work.
In the Song of Solomon the man likes certain things about his partner, he comments on her beauty. He goes on about her neck and so on. Men are very visual.
But what does she notice and comment on? His strength and the fact that he has land and he is working in the land. (A few verses later she joyfully goes and joins him working in the field.)
Guys, get your eyes off the ladies, get your eyes onto God. Learn from Him, through scripture, what your authority is. Find out where you fit into the Kingdom and take your place, do your job, use your God given authority.
Ladies, get your eyes off the men out there. Get your eyes onto God, follow Him, He knit you together in your mother’s womb, He designed you to complement and work with your man. Get your eyes onto God and follow him and He will lead you to the right man.
God given authority
At first God taught authority to Adam… and Adam was expected to teach these things to Eve.
But when the man and the woman had come together THEN God gave them their assignment as a couple
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth. – Gen 1:27-28
How Adam lost his authority
Adam knew his authority and he knew not to eat from the forbidden tree, but he didn’t explain things clearly or correctly to Eve and he didn’t support or protect her when the enemy came to deceive her. As a result she was deceived (tricked). But when he ate, he sinned because he knew not to. That is why the initial sin is alway s described as Adam’s sin.
And to make matters worse, he lost his authority… see Rom 6:16
you are slaves to whomever you obey – Rom 6:16
Adam said the woman made him do it… he lost his authority to her. The woman said the serpent made her do it… she lost the authority to the enemy.
Every time we give into sin… which is all the time, because sin simply means to miss the mark… sin is falling short of the perfection of God… every time we do that the enemy gains authority over us.
That is why I’m saying to men in particular… get your eyes off women and onto God. When you learn from Him, through scripture, what Jesus Christ has done for you and is willing to do in you and through you, then walk in that.
Then you can NEVER lose your authority, because its not your authority, its Jesus Christ IN YOU and no matter how many times you sin, by faith you remain covered in HIS righteousness and the enemy can never gain authority over you.
Then when your future partner has submitted to God, when her eyes are off the world, off fashion, off money, off men, and her eyes are on God and she is being led by Him… then He can lead her TO you… and you as the man can explain to her what you have been taught by God.
Its actually quite simple and profound…
If you as a man cannot submit to and learn from God, then He won’t entrust one of His daughters to you.
If she won’t first submit to God and be led by Him, then she won’t submit to you and let you lead her either.
She needs to SEE what you are doing
When God brings her to you she will want to SEE you doing something so that she can see how she fits into this. For her to see how she fits in, you need to be DOING something for God. Do you know your gifting? What ministry should you be active in?
My future little boy
When I have a little boy, from 12 years onwards I will always be asking him what does he think God wants him to be doing with his talents. It could be helping out someone or mowing a lawn or anything… but he needs to be DOING something with his God given talents.
Then his future partner can one day thank me that I raised a young man who had a job, who knew his God given authority, who knew his strength and how to use it, and who could teach her what he has learned from God.
She can look at him, find out about him and decide if she wants to join in. And when they are a couple God will give them their calling as a couple.
Rebekah and Isaac
When Rebekah left her family she was trusting God. She followed Abraham’s servant who is a “type” of the Holy Spirit. In a sense Rebekah (sort of) followed God to come to Isaac. When she arrived what did she see? Isaac was in HIS own field (work!) praying. The scripture says meditating, but I’m sure that means praying or perhaps worshipping.
A Godly woman followed God to come to her future husband and she saw him NOT amongst other women but meditating on God in his own fields which he had probably worked in that day.
Jesus Christ and His bride
Jesus Christ is also waiting for that day and He says that only His Father knows when that day is. Until then He is preparing things in His Fathers house (Heaven) for her arrival.
And that’s what I want to share with the whole world and with men specifically.
Men, get your eyes off women and onto God. Like Rebekah, she will come when God brings her. Like Jesus bride, the Father knows when the right time is.
It’s not easy. So don’t let that inner engine get started… and I know that’s very hard to do if you have already been married or if you have experienced sexual abuse… both get that engine started and now you have needs that are not being met. That’s difficult.
If we can raise a generation of young men who grow up not thinking “the key is to be physically attractive and cool and rich so that women want you”… no… the key is to know God, learn your authority from Him, excersize your authority and do the job He has planned for you!
THEN you won’t attract the woman that the world gives you, instead God will bring the beauty that He designed to exactly complement you in every way.
A better world starts with us men.