This is a part of a series…
- Changed… in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye – altar
- The ties that bind – vision
- Why do I share things that other people try to hide?
- Im healed… soon to be free, part #3
- Im free – redux
- Im free
An amazing thing happened this last weekend. It may be hard to explain… or not… but I will try my best.
I went on a workshop weekend in which you share your memories. Which I did. And of course I cried. And I felt the pain of those events.
But. Somehow. I felt unchanged. What the? Absolutely everyone else was experiencing freedom and feeling less pain, but I felt unchanged? What was going on?
They cried. I cried. They felt better. I felt unchanged. Hey! Whats going on?! As we ended the workshop I said to the leader “Im not AT ALL in touch with my feelings”.
Its taken me until today to realise… I am unchanged, because Im healed. Im not in touch with that pain, because Im healed. I can go back there in memories and revisit and feel the hurt, but Im not carrying any hurt with me day to day, because Im healed.
I felt confused and unsure because feeling emotional pain was a daily reality for me most of my life, but its not any more!
So it was confusing to me that when I was in a workshop, a counselling sort of environment, sharing my past, feeling the pain from back then… the pain was familiar… but my own reactions were totally unfamiliar to me.
My behaviour was different, because I am healed. I have been saying to people for AGES that this is the best I have ever felt. I only really understood this today, that although I can access those memories and feel pain, Im not carrying it with me in a heavy bag, its not hidden away, buried, rotting, stinking.
I recently wrote this in whatsapp
its one of those missed opportunities in life
life is good, its enjoyable, its an opportunity
and its in front of us
and thats how I feel. Yes life has challenges. We have an enemy who steals, kills and destroys. But Jesus Christ came to heal us and to give us life and LIFE ABUNDANTLY!
If you would like to know what I think the main aspects were to my healing… Im absolutely convinced that there were…
1. Jesus Christ said, the truth sets you free, and that means talking to someone about your past, telling thruth about how you got hurt and what it did to you.
Dont under estimate how important these events were in how you now think about life.
I explain it this way. Two people separately have massive car crashes. The one comes out and is deeply traumatised. The other is excited and wants to do it again.
Why? Because the second one was on the tv show Fear Factor and is interpretting the car crash event COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY to how the first person interprets their own car crash.
Both have a car crash and the second one may even have been far more extreme, like driving off a sky scraper and crashing into the ground head first… but the way the people interpret the event, the network of support, the expectation and understanding of what as about to occur, the conscious choice to go ahead with it… these things determines if the person feels trauma or if they are energised by the experience.
You see, the event can have a different impact on your life depending on your understanding of it or your reaction to it.
Find someone to talk to about what happened. Unpack it. Figure it out. Exploring the truth of what happened and how it impacted you will set you free.
In the abscence of caring people or caring family to talk to… and because counsellors can be very expensive… God encouraged me to blog. Here on this blog is where I have told the truth about my feelings over the past years… and the truth has set me free, just as Jesus Christ said it would!
2. Renew your mind through the washing of the word. I have declared so much scripture over my life over about 7 years and slowly my thinking got renewed. I began to see the world the way God does. I began to see me the way He does.
At first I was “washing my mind” (in a sense) with Gods words (scripture) but later when I understood that Jesus Christ IS the Word (see John 1) then I began to wash myself IN THE WORD… I in Him and He in me. Then my metamorphosis really accelerated, because I was receiving His life within me.
3. Realise that we have an enemy and do something about it. I realised that a lot of my pain was spiritual in origin…
Psalm 116:3 NIV The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
and I cut them off and instantly felt better. Eventually I began to notice which were my own feelings and which were the enemy poking me in my sore spots. If it was from the enemy I cut it off using scripture, but if it was my own feelings then I processed them, because the truth sets us free.
4. Forgiveness. Need I say more? To hold unforgivemess is to put YOURSELF in emotional jail, To forgive is to release yourself from emotional jail. Long term anger, hatred and unforgiveness all have the same effect… you lose your way and you cant figure out where you are going…
1 John 2:9-11 Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. 10 Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. 11 But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.
Forgiveness is closely connected to telling the truth about whst happened to you, who did it and MOST IMPORTANTLY realising how the events impacted your thinking.
5. No man or woman is an island. Jesus Christ commanded us to love one another as we love ourselves. It is expected that you love yourself. That means protecting yourself from harm, eomtional and physical and spiritual. Look after yourself by caring for yourself. Love others. Be in community.
So thats it. I might add more over time. But for now… thats it. This is how I got free.
And I have to thank Jesus Christ for this healing and this freedom.
Im not perfect. I still sin. I may stumble but I wont fall. Truth and forgiveness comes in layers. There may be moe layers in future, but right now, life is good, really good, enjoyable. Im going to walk in the freedom that I have got. If more comes, I cant imagine how I could possibly feel better than I already do now?! 🙂
So, Lord… whats next? You brought me to this point not just because You love me, but because You want to love others through me. So… whts the plan? Whats next?
Ive always loved how Eugene Peterson expressed Romans 5:1-2
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
but I didnt actually expect to BE here. 🙂
The pain of people around me still hurts me, it hits me as if its my own pain… I will need to learn to handle that better. Ah well… I guess the growth and learning doesnt stop 🙂